problem with neighbour

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this and hoping someone can give some advice. We bought a house a few months ago which was perfect for us. We called around the area at different times to see what it was like and never saw anyone hanging around or anything so we were thrilled with it. There is no dividing wall between our drive and porch with our neighbour but they are very clearly two separate properties. We didn't think this would be a problem as we assumed our neighbours would look on it the same way we did (I know..I know..)

The problem has started recently with our neighbour's teenage daughter hanging out with her friends in our porch, on our drive and in our garden. My husband called in next door and explained to her mum that it was annoying and they were gawking in the windows and when we had people over last week, we had to pull down the blinds as we had very little privacy. He asked her to ask her daughter to keep to their own side. She told him she would pass it on and it wouldn't be a problem.

Fast forward to today and they are playing basketball on our drive! Her mam is home and can obviously see her plain as day, but is turning a blind eye to her. I opened the door and asked her to keep to her own drive but I can just feel it's not the end of it.

Does anyone have any advice about what to do next? I really don't want to fall out with our neighbours and we don't have the money at the minute to pay for a porch or wall. I don't really know how to approach it with the mum to let her know how annoying it is. Has anyone any advice?

thanks in advance!

ellie1

Build a wall

LLMMML

Wait and see. You've had one conversation with the parents, and one with the daughter. They're probably used to it being OK with the previous tenant and if you say it to the daughter a few more times it'll probably sink in.

Diziet

My advice would be that this is relatively minor and absolutely not something to fall out on. Chat to the neighbours, get to know them, be friendly to the kids. Go out and ask them to move if they bother you. Much easier to do if you are on good terms.

Rubberchikken

Tbh the story and the attitude of the neighbours makes me doubt this will end well.

Decent people respect others and their property.
It might be understandable if the kid was 2 but at 16 it's not acceptable to do what they're doing.

Speaking from experience tou need to stop them before it gets out of hand.

Maybe give the mother one last chance to speak to the teen. Talk to her calmly , state your wish to have your property respected, but throw in nicely that you're not prepared to let it carry on.
After that if it continues, i would seriously suggest you chat with a community garda. Don't attempt to handle it yourself or let your other half do either.

I hope it works out peacefully. There's nothing worse than living near neighbours that don't live up to the description.

IlmoNT4

This is a teenager...shes probably going to test her Mam and you. I wouldnt escalate this or make a big deal about it. If the kids are in your garden, go out to them and move them along...If you keep moving them along, they'll get the message. Dont forget, their 16...remember how seriously you took adults when you were 16...

Dont get angry or pissy with them.... you've got to live beside them, and in about 2 years the teenagers wouldnt want to hang out on the street, she'll be off in college or whatever and you could end up beside neighbors who can make your life hell.

I certainly wouldnt be getting the cops or anyone else involved. I'd just keep moving them on and going into her folks if it keeps up.

m'lady

In this situation I'd be extra nice to the teenager in question, as in compliment her on her hair/ask how school is, be generally chatty- that way when she is in your garden you can just say it nicely but she will get the message hopefully.
I really don't advise getting the cops involved, these type of things have a habit of escalating into a tit-for-tat situation and you certainly don't want that do you?

anewme

I disagree with some of the posts here.

I think you need to nip this in the bud and start as you mean to go on or you will give yourself bigger problems.

I dont think it's a minor problem at all as these little niggly things have a habit of really effecting peoples quality of life. I would not be happy to have visitors over and a load of teenagers staring in the windows. They'd be seen off pretty sharpish I can tell you.

Teenagers have a habit of hanging around the same spot, so they may just have got used to hanging round on your drive as the parents dont want them on theirs! It will pass in time as once they get a bit older and head off to college etc but why should you pander to someone elses teenager in the meantime.

Speak to the mother again, be polite and nice and chatty about it, but make it clear that you are not having it and you want your property and privacy respected.

I would try to handle it myself and not involve community garda etc as this could come across as petty and an over reaction.


Can you not park a car in the driveway that would stop them playing basketball etc.?

Or could you put something like some shrubs etc down the middle of the divide to separate the properties.

alias no.9

Keep it calm and simple, if they're in the driveway with a basketball, just ask politely "can you bring the ball somewhere else when you're at home", if they're hanging around talking, "bring the chat somewhere else, that they probably don't want you to hear everything they say". Don't use the words stop / no, which may provoke resistance.


Edit: one other thing, pulling down blinds gives them privacy too, don't do it. Position chairs so someone can be naturally staring right out at them when chilling in the front room with a book or listening to music.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm loathe to get a community garda involved as I feel this would escalate the situation beyond what it needs to be. Plus we have to live beside them for the rest of our life! I'll try a couple of the solutions offered and see how I get on and at least I know the community garda is there, if it goes way out of control.

Thanks again. You've all made me feel so much better that a) I'm not a weirdo for thinking my driveway should be for us only and b) that I'm not over-reacting by asking her to keep her kids on her own side.

Really appreciate the advice. Thanks all!

Sheldons Brain

Get one of those high pitched yokes shops use to get rid of teenagers and a directional speaker that focusses the sound on the affected spot, but directs it away from next door etc. Combine that with continued affability in general.

LegacyUser

/there's nothing teenagers hate worse than adults trying to befriend them in a "hey kids, I'm cool" type of way.

Get your husband to join in the game and score some hoops. "how's school guys?"..... "have you heard the new song by McBusted?"....

They'll get tired of that pretty quick.

If you go down the confrontation route, it rarely ends well.

Other things you could do is to get some potted plants and put them around your driveway to limit where they can stand / move etc...

Ken.

Unwanted teenagers in your drive. Is their ever a better time to get out the hose and yard brush and give it a clean. Use plenty of smelly Jays fluid or some such stuff to make sure its really clean.

Midnight Sundance

ken wrote: »

Unwanted teenagers in your drive. Is their ever a better time to get out the hose and yard brush and give it a clean. Use plenty of smelly Jays fluid or some such stuff to make sure its really clean.

I was thinking of something similar. Or just go out and stand in your drive way beside her and her friends. You'll look like a creep and they will move on pretty quickly.
The shrubs suggestion sounds like your best bet at the moment .

LegacyUser

Plant a hedge of pyracantha and install a gate The person who said it needs stopping now is right. I would not care if they do not talk to me the rest of their lives i would put them out of my place quick. That girl is very cheeky. Cheeky people learn by consequences. They were kicking over my boundary hedge and hitting the car and plants and coming in. I locked the gate and binned three balls. they learned. i do not care what people say about only kids.Kids = parents responsibility. OP has rights too

hagoonabear

My mother used to have the same problem except these kids were as bold so I left our friendly but very loud bull staff outside haven't come back since

StormWarrior

Could you put an outdoor chair there and sit in it listening to their conversations when they're outside, or have a cigarette outside every time they're there? Teenagers probably don't want an older person listening in. But really firmly explain to the girl's mother that you won't stand for this. Maybe paint a line down the middle and tell them to stay on their own side? Whatever you do, you need to do it fast before it becomes an entrenched habit.

LegacyUser

You need to take action immediately and persist with zero tolerance. Everytime they are wrong correctv them. Consequences .The day kids tell me what to do in my home and garden because they are 'only kids' will be the day there will be white blackbirds

StormWarrior

If they won't stop it, why don't you and a gang of your mates stand on their porch staring through their windows? See how they like it.

Shrap

OP, I think you should be counting your lucky stars this is a 16 yr old and will be gone from home soon, or too old to be playing basketball in the yard/smoking outside with their mates.

Can I ask you how you would have handled an 8 yr old riding their trike all over your patch? Let me tell you what happens when an 8 yr old goes home in a huff because the neighbours said "stick to your own drive will you, there's a good lad". First time, the parent will ask them to comply. Second time, they'll ask "what were you doing - were you making loads of noise?" - ans. "no mum, and I was only on their drive a little bit". Third time, "don't mind her next door - stay away from her cos I don't want trouble". Fourth time "I swear, she can come round here and tell me herself, f's sake, she's only been here a wet weekend. Kids have to be able to play". Believe me, when parents start finding that their kid is too much trouble for you just by virtue of being a kid, then you will never be ok with those neighbours.

I know this one is 16. It may be more than the parent's life is worth to keep banging on about this at the child. Again, believe me, there will be more important things between a parent and a teen that are actually worrying, and it will not be worth the parent's tentative (they all are with teens...) relationship with their teen to stop them from being relatively well behaved around the front of the house, with the alternative being them getting up to who knows what somewhere you don't know and can't see them.

I had teens next door to me for the duration of my kids' early years. I had a new basketball in the yard (down a slope from their house) every time they missed a catch, and a large ungainly teen charging down into my yard, roaring, after it - right past my windows, often fishing it out under my car. Now my teens are giving the same neighbours ear ache with drum and bass mixes. If you want to live next door with people who you don't hate and who don't hate you, MAKE SOME COMPROMISES. Really.

Give the 16 yr old a job, even if it's only watering your plants while you're away for a week. Show your trust, and don't AT ALL continue to give out about them if they're not actually causing damage. You could get that device that lets off a tone only kids and dogs can hear though. And tell no-one you got it

Toots

I wonder if the mum next door is turning a blind eye because she's trying to avoid a blazing row with the daughter. I'd definitely recommend getting one of those noise generating things. On my parents road there are only a few houses, and the house at the end has a sort of laneway beside it and a group of teenagers took to hanging out there and throwing their cigarette butts over the wall into the back garden of this house. They got one of those things (possibly on Amazon, I can't remember where my mum said) and pretty much overnight the kids moved somewhere else, they said it was like some sort of miracle product!

I'd say get one of the noise things, and also get some shrubs or planters and put them just along the boundary line between both your driveways. The plants will reinforce the fact that it's actually two separate driveways, instead of all hers. Hopefully that'll do the job and she'll keep on her own side. The important thing is to try and avoid confrontation as much as possible because, as you say, you'll be living next to them for a long time.

LegacyUser

OP here again. I don't know where everyone got the idea she's 16 from. She's 13 so we'll have a few more years of here hanging around to go. Secondly, her mum is not afraid of arguing with her kids as we can often hear her roaring her head off both at her daughter and her younger son.

So far so good since I asked them to keep to themselves. Fingers crossed!!

LegacyUser

Shrap wrote: »

OP, I think you should be counting your lucky stars this is a 16 yr old and will be gone from home soon, or too old to be playing basketball in the yard/smoking outside with their mates.

Can I ask you how you would have handled an 8 yr old riding their trike all over your patch? Let me tell you what happens when an 8 yr old goes home in a huff because the neighbours said "stick to your own drive will you, there's a good lad". First time, the parent will ask them to comply. Second time, they'll ask "what were you doing - were you making loads of noise?" - ans. "no mum, and I was only on their drive a little bit". Third time, "don't mind her next door - stay away from her cos I don't want trouble". Fourth time "I swear, she can come round here and tell me herself, f's sake, she's only been here a wet weekend. Kids have to be able to play". Believe me, when parents start finding that their kid is too much trouble for you just by virtue of being a kid, then you will never be ok with those neighbours.

I know this one is 16. It may be more than the parent's life is worth to keep banging on about this at the child. Again, believe me, there will be more important things between a parent and a teen that are actually worrying, and it will not be worth the parent's tentative (they all are with teens...) relationship with their teen to stop them from being relatively well behaved around the front of the house, with the alternative being them getting up to who knows what somewhere you don't know and can't see them.

I had teens next door to me for the duration of my kids' early years. I had a new basketball in the yard (down a slope from their house) every time they missed a catch, and a large ungainly teen charging down into my yard, roaring, after it - right past my windows, often fishing it out under my car. Now my teens are giving the same neighbours ear ache with drum and bass mixes. If you want to live next door with people who you don't hate and who don't hate you, MAKE SOME COMPROMISES. Really.

Give the 16 yr old a job, even if it's only watering your plants while you're away for a week. Show your trust, and don't AT ALL continue to give out about them if they're not actually causing damage. You could get that device that lets off a tone only kids and dogs can hear though. And tell no-one you got it

nonsense. Leaving children and their parents rule your lives. They will find when they go out in the world they cannot do as they please

Shrap

everybody needs good neighbours wrote: »

OP here again. I don't know where everyone got the idea she's 16 from. She's 13 so we'll have a few more years of here hanging around to go.

Oh right....no, I see now you never said that!

yourhome wrote: »

nonsense. Leaving children and their parents rule your lives. They will find when they go out in the world they cannot do as they please

Far from nonsense to use some give and take in a situation where you genuinely can't escalate it as you have to be living there next to them, and hopefully getting along well. "Leaving children and their parents rule your lives" is a bit hyperbolic when in fairness you're only talking about a game of basketball that over-ran into the neighbour's drive and a few young wans hanging round.

Sitting on your porch is totally taking the piss though! Nothing a healthy dose of sarcasm wouldn't fix. Invite them in to do their chores now they seem to be living with you.....

Get the pot plants out in a row like Toots said and don't fall out with the neighbours over some good kids.

LegacyUser

Shrap wrote: »

Oh right....no, I see now you never said that!

Far from nonsense to use some give and take in a situation where you genuinely can't escalate it as you have to be living there next to them, and hopefully getting along well. "Leaving children and their parents rule your lives" is a bit hyperbolic when in fairness you're only talking about a game of basketball that over-ran into the neighbour's drive and a few young wans hanging round.

Sitting on your porch is totally taking the piss though! Nothing a healthy dose of sarcasm wouldn't fix. Invite them in to do their chores now they seem to be living with you.....

Get the pot plants out in a row like Toots said and don't fall out with the neighbours over some good kids.

then why is the op posting about it.If yopu let someome stand on your feet in the morning by evening they will be standing on your face.I too have experience of a situation where the parent would give out to them if they did something at home but seemed to think they could do as they pleased in my garden.Any neightbour who allows that is not your friend or care about you. OP can suit themselves they would not do it here

I do not think its hyperbole. If you allow behaviour to persist it will be become acceptable and put down rots. Then you will have a bigger job stopping it