small issue causing me to pause

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this.

Hi Everyone,

I know this is a small issue in the grand scheme of things , especially when I read some of the other posts here, but I do have an issue which has dragged on for a week now and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

After a somewhat minor argument my other half hung up the phone on me , when she went to phone me back I was still a little put out and I didn't answer , sometimes it is better I think to cool off a bit , especially when I am the one who was on the receiving end of the comments.

Well ten minutes later I get a text to say "thanks for the good times" and I'm dumped , blocked off facebook and that's it.

A few hours later she is back apologising for overreacting and we laugh it off, the are other factors going on right now and I know this is causing her some stress so I don't want to add to that.

the thing is , I am embarrassed about re-adding her on facebook , I don't fancy the thought of our mates knowing or commenting about 'the break-up'.

I am wondering if there is a way to re add her to facebook without it showing up on anyone's timeline ? she sent me a friend request again but I haven't accepted because I am embarrassed about airing our laundry in public.

Now she is telling me to stop being stupid and re-add her , don't mind what anyone thinks, but I kinda said once or twice , that I didn't ask for this on me and can you please look up the instructions for how to sneak you back on to facebook (yes I admit to riling her by the use of the word sneak).She never sent the instructions despite my asking 2 or 3 times.

Sorry if this is a bit muddled of a post but now I think I am causing stress to my girlfriend by not re-adding her to facebook.

Has anyone any advice please, I am too old to be behaving like a teen but I don't fancy people known to me knowing that I got dumped and readded to facebook by my own partner.

do I just take it on the chin considering this has gone on a week ?

thanks for taking the time to read . I do feel a bit silly over this, I do think I am in the wrong for such a delay and would like advice on repairing my side of any fallout.

Ste

dudara

To be blunt, I do feel that you are massively exaggerating this issue. Most people probably won't notice, and if they do, you can make some comment about being "de-friended" as a joke.

What would concern me more is that your girlfriend massively over-reacted to the situation by "dumping" you and deleting you from Facebook. This is not normal behaviour.

MistyCheese

If anyone is rude enough to pass comment on 'the breakup' all you have to say is that one of you did it by accident and laugh it off. Or tell them it's none of their business - whether it's on Facebook or not.

miamee

Unless you or she told everyone that you had broken up, no one will pay it any attention. You can blame it on a slip of the finger when looking at her/your profile/a technical glitch/a joke, whatever. Nobody will really care unless you get up to this kind of thing regularly with your girlfriend, in which case they will roll their eyes and get on with their day.

Mick Murdock

I'd address the reason why you care so much about what others think as that is pretty worrying. Facebook? How about you don't chat to each other there? No big deal?

Grandpa Hassan

Mick Murdock wrote: »

I'd address the reason why you care so much about what others think as that is pretty worrying. Facebook? How about you don't chat to each other there? No big deal?

I'd agree with that. I am intentionally not FB friends with my girlfriend. It is just a minefield

Oryx

You guys have a lot of work to do in how you deal with each other. She massively overreacts, and tbh, so do you, in that you care what people think about facebook friending! The best most solid relationships usually don't show up on facebook at all, it is a platform that should enhance our lives, not control them this way.

Noone cares about your status on facebook. Yes, you are being a bit silly about it. Just accept the request, get on with your life, and in your own words, stop behaving like teens, both of you!

njs030

My Facebook friends are hidden so people can't look thorough them. It never puts up notifications when I add a new friend.
Maybe do that?

faceman

Very sorry to hear this OP. While the issue seems small, it sounds like there are bigger issues to deal with here. It's perfectly normal for couples to disagree and row but faking a dumping and blocking on facebook is concerning and emotional manipulation.

Don't ignore what happened because it now appears resolved. It will happen again. Talk to your partner about it. Best wishes.

retro:electro

It's more worrying that you think people would actually care as to why you are now friends on it again, I wouldn't give it a second thought. Also your girlfriend sounds incredibly immature.

Lux23

Can you not just change your privacy settings so people don't see you adding people?

skallywag

1stworldissue wrote: »

...I am too old to be behaving like a teen...

Unfortunately the same cannot be said of your OH it seems OP

Seriously though. I would do as others have suggested and have a look at your privacy settings. E.g. you could lock down all notifications, then accept her request, and then open up your settings again. I think that would work.

LegacyUser

I would just re-add her and not bother about privacy settings tbh. I had to re-add one of my really close friends (can't remember why) and someone did comment asking if/why weren't we friends before but its easy to accidentally unfriend someone, and no one would really ask about it if they noticed, or take anything more than a passing interest.

Faith

1stworldissue wrote: »

Now she is telling me to stop being stupid and re-add her , don't mind what anyone thinks, but I kinda said once or twice , that I didn't ask for this on me and can you please look up the instructions for how to sneak you back on to facebook (yes I admit to riling her by the use of the word sneak).She never sent the instructions despite my asking 2 or 3 times.

Leaving aside all the other red flags, why are you repeatedly asking her to send you instructions for something you could google yourself in 2 minutes?

This whole thing sounds like a teenage drama. Both of you are behaving ridiculously, in my opinion.

Shrap

Besides the fact that you both went waaay over the top and now you're a little embarrassed about how you displayed that publicly (facebook), you are worried about what your facebook friends will think?? Janey mack, if anyone hopped it off me that I'd defriended and then friended someone, I'd have to ask them how small their life is that stalking who I'm friends with is so important to them.

I'd suggest getting much more picky about what your facebook profile shows people as well, if you're that concerned about your public status according to fb.