Is Counselling supposed to be like this?

LegacyUser

Hi all

Not sure if anyone can help me but here goes, I've gone through some very very hard times the last few months, my Mam died recently, very suddenly and I'm finding it extremely hard to deal with.

I started going to counselling 2 weeks ago (got it on my friends health insurance for free) and I think it's actually making me worse. It's not bereavement counselling as they don't do that on the health insurance (why, I have no idea) but she's like a life counsellor who helps you deal with things in life that you're unhappy with.

She's an interactive counsellor and I find that she keeps cutting across me, interrupting me and dismissing things that I'm saying. I'm getting pretty p!ssed off now, if I was paying money for this I would have stopped after one session because I wouldn't feel that I'm getting my moneys worth. I was upset last week about my relationship, and she completely riled me up to the point that I spent 3 days in bed very upset, couldnt eat, over thinking the whole time because of things she said. I didn't think counselling was supposed to be like this? I thought they were supposed to listen and maybe offer some advice here and there. I'm dreading going again, even though I've only been to two sessions, I haven't felt good after them at all. I know what I really need is a bereavement counsellor and will be going to my doctor next week to ask them to refer me somewhere.

Does anyone think I should still keep going with herself for the min? Or should I politely decline anymore sessions? Is this how it's supposed to be?

My head is already all over the place since my Mam died so I don't even know if I'm thinking straight Help

Jamaican Me Crazy

You have to have a rapport with your counsellor. Not every counsellor will gel with every client. Maybe this one is not for you.
You need to find a balance though, I have some experience with a counsellor who was more like a paid friend. Nice and all as he was, he didn't help me. My current counsellor is great and will challenge me on things and play devils advocate a bit but she listens and respects me.

If you feel uncomfortable with this counsellor, then don't go back. Many private counsellors will offer discounted rates depending on circumstances.

I'm very sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine what you are going through.

LegacyUser

OP this sounds more like life couching rather then counselling. Go talk to your GP about grief counselling. It can be very helpful. I needed it after my dad died suddenly and while I did get upset during sessions as I had to talk about my dad I came out filling….better is not the right word as it's not something you get better from but I came out feeling like I'd worked through things and was able to cope better.

tt2014

Going to a counsellor is like having a relationship with someone and it has to be built on trust and respect, if that's not there, end it, I lost my mum and dad at Christmas and found it really tough so I know how you feel, I went to a counsellor and to be honest it made me feel worse, be kind and gentle with yourself, now I know this isn't for everyone, but our family priest was a great comfort to me and I found that helped me deal with the grief. Boards.ie is a fantastic website and there is a great link on it with help lines for people grieving, its also great if you need to reach out and talk to someone and well done to you for doing so, big hugs and love your way pet xxxxxx

Mr. Incognito

Councelling is totally unregulated and a lot of these people have no qualifications

All you need to set up as a councellor is a brass plate and a brass neck.

If she is useless and not helping don't see her again.

Magicmatilda

In fairness Mr Incognito if she is provided through health insurance then she will be accredited by IACP or IAHIP - both of which you require qualifications for. Although in private practice you could absolutely end up with someone who has no accreditation/qualifications.

Anyway, it sounds like she is not suiting your needs and I would advise you don't go back.

Grief counselling is fairly standard and you shouldn't need a specific grief counsellor, you need someone who will listen to you and provide you with a safe space to experience your emotions. That should be provided by any counsellor and it seems this one is not. A sudden death is more like a Trauma so I would recommend getting someone who has experience with Trauma counselling, this should be gentle.

The other alterative is to raise your issues directly with the counsellor however given you are feeling vulnerable at the moment it would be understandable if you don't feel you can do that - if that is the case, don't go back.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. My head is a wreck lately so it's hard to know if I was doing the right thing or not. All I know is, it is making me feel even worse about life now. That didn't seem right to me. She is a lovely woman I don't fault her personally, I just don't think she is what I need right now. All I want to talk about is my Mam, and she wont let me because she's insisted that she's not a bereavement counsellor so she cant help me.

She actually just went through a bereavement herself so I don't know if her technique is a bit messed up because of that. Doesn't matter to me though, I've to go to my doc next week to be referred to someone who can help me properly. I'm glad I asked, because its been a week since my last session and I still feel awful. That cant be right!

Thanks all for replying to me. Feel a bit better already!

Greenduck

To be honest, it doesn't matter if you have qualifications and accreditation coming out of your as$, if the fit isnt right it's not going to work.

OP you dont feel comfortable with this person so I would advise you to finish up with her/him as soon as you can. If money is an issue, a lot of centres offer low cost counselling if you ask. You could actually do more damage by being with the wrong person. You're in a really vulnerable position now and you need support, understanding and care and NOT to feel so rubbish you need to go to bed.

Take care of yourself x