40 Pints A Week!

LegacyUser

Hi, looking for advice concerning a friend in his mid twenties who drinks allot and does not appear to be slowing down. We see each other often enough and I can't remember the last time he was not drinking. Last week I took a mental note to estimate how much he drinks by how many he drinks in my company and the empty boxes of cans when I drop over. I'd say 40+ pints/cans in the space of a week, and that is not accounting for when he went out with other friends.

That is just an average week, no special events and a good portion of those drinks would be drank alone. I'd rarely drink myself these days, as I went down a similar path in my early twenties, never to that extent, but I had some bad habits and kicked them in the last two years, with the help of counseling for the underlying issues. Mind you, I had to hit near rock bottom before reaching out for help and had to go private in the end due to cutbacks.

I've gently suggested to my friend the idea of counseling, but as far as i'm aware, he has not gone.

I'm at a loss what to do, without sounding uncaring, I don't want to be the friend he leans on anymore if he ain't getting professional help, it does neither of us good. Unfortunately, not too many of our core group of friends who grew up together, would have a healthy relationship with drugs, not all to the same extent of course, but you get the idea I hope. His family would not be too much use either, I reckon.

He has previously got into trouble with the Gardai and been admitted to hospital, although that was a few years ago, but if that was not his rock bottom, i'm pretty worried.

Any advice would be much appreciated!

iusedtoknow

As an ex-drinker....there is not a lot you can do. Anyone that wants to cut back has to do it because they themselves want to and because they themselves see a problem.

TBH, when I was a drinker, if I knew someone was taking "mental notes" as to how much I was drinking, and "gently suggesting" getting counseling...I know what my reaction would be.

Either you have be up front with him - stop being passive and have a mini intervention of sorts - or leave well alone, and if that means losing a friend then so be it.

Lovely Bloke

none of your business

skallywag

It's a tough one OP. I can see myself at that age, to an extent, in the person who you are describing. There was no way at that age though that I was going to listen to anyone who was saying it was wrong, I just didn't care less at the time as to what others thought and carried on regardless. My attitude changed as I got older and I now drink less.

DoYouEvenLift

I'd be totally upfront and honest, even if it came across as harsh and rude, to get the point across and be prepared to lose him as a friend because the way he sounds to be now he's as good as gone anyway. Remind him how he used to be and things he wanted to do and say how if he could talk to his old self that he would be ashamed and embarrassed of where he's heading. Also make it positive in the sense that it's not too late to start changing and that you're his friend and will help him as best as you can. If he's too stupid to see that as you being a true friend that actually gives a fuk about his wellbeing instead of a bad friend who'd just leave him continue until it's too late then that's his problem to deal with, and he will remember all of this in the future either negatively or positively depending on which choice he makes.


This is how I'd like to be confronted by a friend or family member if I was in his shoes. It'd be a dose of truth I mightn't be seeing from my own perspective at the time.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies all, much appreciated.

I think i'll probably lay it out as I see it in a serious convo and let him decide from there. I think if I did not really try, i'd feel some guilt down the line, although I know it is not my responsibility and out of my hands.

Gits_bone

I don't see the problem, 40 pinds could be 3/4 an evening, one with dinner and 4 over the course of the evening which isn't a lot.

gman2k

Gits_bone wrote: »

I don't see the problem, 40 pinds could be 3/4 an evening, one with dinner and 4 over the course of the evening which isn't a lot.

40 pints a week is 80 units a week, recommended max for a male is 3 to 4 units per day.
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/alcohol/Pages/alcohol-units.aspx
Do the maths, and have a little reconsider of problem drinking.

Gits_bone

gman2k wrote: »

40 pints a week is 80 units a week, recommended max for a male is 3 to 4 units per day.
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/alcohol/Pages/alcohol-units.aspx
Do the maths, and have a little reconsider of problem drinking.

They probably say drinking too much coke is bad for ya too but plenty drink litres a day.

dudara

@Gits_bone - please stick to the topic at hand and focus on offering advice to the OP.

dudara

Gits_bone

dudara wrote: »

@Gits_bone - please stick to the topic at hand and focus on offering advice to the OP.

dudara

My orginal comment was on topic, then I responded to someone saying my advice was wrong?

dudara

Please read the Forum Charter before posting again, particularly about posting off-topic and questioning a mod in thread.

dudara

Gits_bone

Anyways, OP, I suggest not saying anything as I think 40 pints spread over a week ranging from accompanying dinner etc is normal. So I would advise you not to confront them about it.

InTheTrees

Gits_bone wrote: »

I think 40 pints spread over a week ranging from accompanying dinner etc is normal.

...except it isnt.

Highflyer13

Gits_bone wrote: »

I don't see the problem, 40 pinds could be 3/4 an evening, one with dinner and 4 over the course of the evening which isn't a lot.

Jesus Christ, no wonder we have such high rates of alcoholism in this country.:eek:

InTheTrees

Gits_bone wrote: »

They probably say drinking too much coke is bad for ya

It is.

Gits_bone

InTheTrees wrote: »

...except it isnt.

Anyways, the OP doesn't know how much he drinks.

dudara

Posters - stick to offering the OP advice. Anything else will be deleted and result in immediate bans.

dudara

The Masculinist

OP do you have any other shared friends or your friend's parents you could discuss this with? Perhaps they might have a better insight?

As iusedtokknow stated, I think a serious convo could backfire depending on the person and their mood. I remember having a similar conversation with a friend (who is more or less an alcoholic) and she was quite angry and turned it back on me (saying things like "Can you remember that time you got really drunk and got sick?" etc.). The conversation I had with her just made things worse by straining our relationship.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies again. Remembering how I used to drink, the recommended weekly allowance back then I took as a joke and things escalated over time. Although never to the point of addiction as I personally used it as a crutch of sorts. But when people commented on my drinking, i'd laugh it off, so I can appreciate I think the other side of the fence here.

I think he has gone beyond that point as he goes well out of his way to buy drink these days and whilst I obviously can't be certain about the exact amount he drinks, I have a fair idea and have witnessed him lie to others about it. I know some of his family are worried about it and other friends, but I don't think his family can do much and among our group of close mates, it has popped up in discussion once or twice in the last few years, so it is not just me who thinks it.

I think I will discuss it with him in the new year, although to be honest, I don't imagine he will react well, although from past comments, he does realize to an extent, that his drinking is not great.