Co-parentng - single gay male

templeville

Hello,

I'm a 40 year old, self employed, gay and single man. I have always wanted a child but felt that it was not to be. I now know that this is something that I want deeply and feel that the time has come to properly explore my options. I had a great free childhood growing up on a mayo farm in a large stable family unit. I want my child to feel the same bond of family, both parents equally involved. I want my child to feel that they belong to a core and extended family.

I want to start exploring my options and co-parenting seems to be the best option for me. Any advice/ideas on how to go about finding women who are also considering this option?

Sin é!

skallywag

234 views and not a single response in 48 hours, you have my sympathy OP. Perhaps others have the same issue as myself as I must say I have no idea even of how what you are suggesting may possibly work or what is involved, perhaps you can elaborate?

Jamaican Me Crazy

What are you suggesting exactly? A single woman is artificially inseminated so the child will be biologically yours and you will just share custody or would you be looking to live with this woman?

It's complicated for sure. You seem to have nice family values and being a parent can be very rewarding.
There are other things to consider of course. What if the woman started a relationship down the line and another man was living with / helping to raise your child. Many people experience this and it's not always bad but something to be considered.

I'm not sure where / how you would meet a woman who would enter into an arrangement like this. I would have thought someone you were friends with would be an obvious choice because at least you have some sort of relationship with them already.

A single friend of my sister adopted 2 children from Africa on her own. Think about all of your options.

Neyite

Co-parenting with someone you love very much and have similar morals, ethos etc can be quite difficult, I imagine it would be extremely difficult with a relative stranger.

I might decide not to give a soother, my partner may disagree. He might find it no biggie to give chocolate the odd time, I might have strong views regarding an zero junk organic diet. Its not just the big decisions - religion, schools, discipline, its the little things too. How do you nail down that kind of agreement?

Then there is the legal side of things - as an unmarried father, you have precious few rights. In fact the next of kin by law would be the mother's next of kin. I'm with my partner 10 years and in the event of my death my parents are my child's next of kin.

Its great you want to be a dad, but surrogacy or adoption (and those two routes have their own minefields and reams of paperwork) might be better for you to consider rather than a casual agreement with a woman you dont know who in law would hold all the cards.

Gadfly Girl

Hi OP,

I'm a single, formally married women with one child. I've often thought about seeking similar situation as I really want more children and don't wan to leave it to chance. I'm currently finishing my degree and plan to do a masters directly afterwards. I'm hoping for 2016/17 to be baby making year. I've yet to figure out the man part

I would potentially be open to someone like yourself, however it would be so difficult to decide. I think potential co-parents would need to have really frank discussions about potential situations, perhaps even a formal parenting agreement signed up and some counselling or access to it should things go badly? I don't know?

I guess I just wanted to wish you well and let you know that your suggestion was a valid one,

best wishes