How to handle Christmas?

LegacyUser

I'm not sure what suggestions or advice I'm looking for here but anyway. Apologies if this comes across as a spoilt child read. Really not sure how to handle Christmas this year, a huge part of me just wants to hide away and let it pass. I cannot stand the "hope you were spoiled rotten!" and "what did you get?"s. Not just at Christmas but at birthdays too. Truth of the matter will be simple - nothing. I'm a grown adult and realise Christmas is about the people and not the presents, I realise I'm lucky to have my health, good job and roof over head. My friends aren't the exchange gifts type and that's absolutely fine but my family are another story.

I'm expected to buy for others, and I do. I'm expected to buy for all siblings kids and I will. My siblings won't bother with gifts and I highly doubt my parents will, given they haven't in years. I'm one of the least materialistic people you would meet, and to be honest there's nothing I'd want or need that can't get for self but it's the whole principle of the matter. It hit me like a ton of bricks the first year I literally got nothing. I feel like I'm being taken for an absolute mug. I'm pretty generous to my family at all times of the year. My hand is regularly in pocket to help other family members out. To not even be given a token box of chocolates just feels like absolute joke.

Penny Tration

It's pretty simple - if they refuse to give gifts, don't buy any either.

LynnGrace

Xmasprob wrote: »

I'm expected to buy for others, and I do. I'm expected to buy for all siblings kids and I will. My siblings won't bother with gifts and I highly doubt my parents will, given they haven't in years. I'm one of the least materialistic people you would meet, and to be honest there's nothing I'd want or need that can't get for self but it's the whole principle of the matter. It hit me like a ton of bricks the first year I literally got nothing. I feel like I'm being taken for an absolute mug. I'm pretty generous to my family at all times of the year. My hand is regularly in pocket to help other family members out. To not even be given a token box of chocolates just feels like absolute joke.

Why are you expected to buy though? Just say ' I thought we weren't doing gifts', seriously.
It can feel like a complete one way street at times when you are buying for kids, and nobody thinks to buy something small as a token in return, even, as you said, a box of chocolates.

Maybe suggest that from now on, you do a draw in the family, so that you buy for one kid each, or a godchild if you have one?
I definitely would cut out the presents for siblings. And do treat yourself to something extra nice with the money saved.

MagicMarker

By all means, buy gifts for the children, but screw the adults.

IlmoNT4

Principals dont mean anything and if your going to sulk about buying presents and no one got you anything in return your setting yourself up for a long life of sulking and feeling hard done by ...

Be honest with yourself, because you are not at the moment, if you are buying a present, buy it because you want to buy that person a present....If they dont buy you something in return or a small token of their appreciation and thus validating you (isnt that whats this is really about OP?) then so what.... you are an adult as you have already stated.

Being adult is about doing whats right for you, not what is expected. If you get that bit right, the rest will fall into place.

Cunning Stunt

When I buy for the kids in my family, I don't expect anything back.

Adults are a different story - if you are always giving them gifts and not receiving, then I would say just buy for the kids from now on.

dark crystal

How long has this been going on? Are gifts ever discussed at Christmas?

I don't see why you think you'd be expected to give presents if no one else in your family does.

neemish

Has the topic of gifts ever come up? Where is the expectation coming from that you have to buy gifts for all? Is it an expectation that you are putting on yourself?
Has the possibility of Kris Kringle been discussed? It's a great way of making sure that everyone gets something but not at huge expense. Also, could you club together with one or two others for the kids gifts?

I would be seriously unimpressed with my family if they acted in this way. I would also hope that the kids would have a little something for anyone that gives them a gift - a pair of socks from Penneys will do. Just something to exchange rather than it being all one sided.

I have to admit, I buy myself one or two small things I wouldn't ask others for. Waiting for an order from Amazon at the minute! Got myslef one or two books I'd like to read. This is a little selfish I admit, but I just enjoy indulging a little if I can.

bee06

I don't understand? Are you buying presents for your siblings and parents and they get you nothing in return? Why are you doing this and why do you think they expect it when they don't get you anything?

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I think I can understand where you're coming from.

I don't do Christmas presents with friends anymore and with my family we used to do small gifts but this year it has been decided that we won't bother. Both my siblings have a lot going on this year and don't need the extra hassle of presents. I will get a gift for my nephew.

However, my siblings have their own partners / family and will be doing presents among themselves but I don't have anybody to buy for me and I feel a little left out and sad if I'm honest. I was abroad last Christmas and it was a non event and at times I wish I could do the same this year.

Like you, I'm not very materialistic and if there is something I'd like, I will get it for myself. It's not about wanting presents, it's more to do with having nobody to get one for me and nobody noticing that I've been left out.

I think it is a little thoughtless of your family not to notice that you don't receive anything despite buying for their kids. But I think it would be petty to make a fuss about it. They are more than likely oblivious to how you feel. I would advise you to treat yourself to something special that you can open on Christmas day. If your family asks, you can tell them it is a gift from you to yourself.

kmc25_1

You can buy presents for yourself!

Thinking of doing this myself this year...

Gits_bone

Don't buy presents for the adults. Hope you've not got them anything.

kylith

Gits_bone wrote: »

Don't buy presents for the adults. Hope you've not got them anything.

If you did don't give them out unless you get something from them.

Lau2976

You shouldn't buy presents because you feel like you have to. I certainly wouldn't. My family is big into gift giving because we do sentimental over materialistic. I may spend €5 on someone and €20 on someone else but it doesn't matter because they are both as relevant to the receiver as the other. Buying for kids is no different.

A friend of mine runs a system within their family where instead of presents they all make one dish to contribute to a family meal. They all pick one person from a hat and make, or attempt to make, their favourite dish. Maybe try something like this?

shuffle65

I'm curious as to who 'expects' you to buy gifts?

By all means buy gifts for kids if that's what you want to do, if you're siblings aren't into gift giving why should you be?

I come from a large family, and generally we don't buy each other presents, there's just too many of us! This year I did buy one of my sisters a present, mainly because she has been very helpful to me this year. (allowing me to live rent free in her house) All my other siblings would understand why I bought for her and not them, I guess we're a fairly laid back bunch!

StormWarrior

If I'm reading this right it sounds like the kids all get presents but none of the adults do. Is that right?