I don't & never will deserve to live my life

Nolife

Hi if anyone has an opinion feel free to express it, I'm not sure if it's an issue or not

I don't deserve to live my life

And because I don't deserve to live my life I punish myself, not physically though, I punish myself by not living, I punish myself by purposely staying on my own, not getting emotionally close to anyone, not having friends, not socialising etc the list is endless

I also don't have good days or bad days I never understood that concept how exactly can you be 1 day be happy as larry & the next day be down in the dumps ?? Each day for me is just exactly the same as the last, everyday for me is just grey/in the middle, nothing changes in an emotional sense

I've purposely never had sex & a girlfriend & I've never felt loved by anyone else & I know I never will, because I'll never allow myself to have sex or have a girlfriend & be loved by someone else

If a girl wanted to be with me for some reason, I'd have to turn her down, because I wouldn't deserve to be the man make her happy, so I'd turn her down & she moves on, any other bloke would deserve her more than me

I've no choice but to do this for the rest of my life as I don't & never will deserve to have a girlfriend or feel loved or get married or become a dad

So I'll purposely miss out on all this & deservedly so

What do you guys think about this ? I know it comes across as sad and all but what does my situation go under is there a technical term for people like me, I wouldn't say there's many but does anyone live the way I live

Kelly06

Nolife wrote: »

Hi if anyone has an opinion feel free to express it, I'm not sure if it's an issue or not

I don't deserve to live my life

And because I don't deserve to live my life I punish myself, not physically though, I punish myself by not living, I punish myself by purposely staying on my own, not getting emotionally close to anyone, not having friends, not socialising etc the list is endless

I also don't have good days or bad days I never understood that concept how exactly can you be 1 day be happy as larry & the next day be down in the dumps ?? Each day for me is just exactly the same as the last, everyday for me is just grey/in the middle, nothing changes in an emotional sense

I've purposely never had sex & a girlfriend & I've never felt loved by anyone else & I know I never will, because I'll never allow myself to have sex or have a girlfriend & be loved by someone else

If a girl wanted to be with me for some reason, I'd have to turn her down, because I wouldn't deserve to be the man make her happy, so I'd turn her down & she moves on, any other bloke would deserve her more than me

I've no choice but to do this for the rest of my life as I don't & never will deserve to have a girlfriend or feel loved or get married or become a dad

So I'll purposely miss out on all this & deservedly so

What do you guys think about this ? I know it comes across as sad and all but what does my situation go under is there a technical term for people like me, I wouldn't say there's many but does anyone live the way I live

I think it sounds like you may be experiencing depression. Unable to feel anything. Would you consider talking to someone about your feelings ? A gp or perhaps a counsellor?

If you won't let yourself experience relationships both platonic and sexual because you perceive yourself as being unworthy then your missing out on some of the most important aspects of life.. Love... Friendships .... Sex....marriage...family

Everyone deserves to love and be loved don't let your negative feelings about yourself stop you from living your life your just as deserving as everyone else.

Nolife

Kelly06 wrote: »

I think it sounds like you may be experiencing depression. Unable to feel anything. Would you consider talking to someone about your feelings ? A gp or perhaps a counsellor?

If you won't let yourself experience relationships both platonic and sexual because you perceive yourself as being unworthy then your missing out on some of the most important aspects of life.. Love... Friendships .... Sex....marriage...family

Everyone deserves to love and be loved don't let your negative feelings about yourself stop you from living your life your just as deserving as everyone else.

Hi thanks for your reply, it's not depression though I've already went to see my gp about this who confirmed that it's not depression, I don't feel depressed or feel constantly down or fee sorry for myself

Yeah I know I'll be missing out on important parts of life, but I've got through my life so far so without needing them

dub45

Why do you feel this way? Why do you feel others are more deserving than you?

Saralee4

It sounds like you might be a bit insecure so you are putting up a wall against intimacy and any kind of emotional relationship with someone because of you are afraid to show your perceived flaws.

Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes, we all have annoying habits, we call all be a little boring sometimes.

Could you have problems with trusting people and letting go and expressing yourself to people?

I think you would definitely benefit from talking to a therapist about this.

Taltos

Mod Note:
OP effectively you are asking us to diagnose you.
Per the rules of this forum we cannot, posters who try may get infracted as a result so respectfully please take care in how you ask your question as equally asking for medical advice is also prohibited.

Please go and ask for a referral to a specialist, clearly your GP has helped you as far as they can and it appears you need the skills of a specialist. Clearly by posting here you want something to change but all we can do is tell you to go and get professional help, and if your GP can't help in that regard change your GP, and keep changing them until you get the assistance you need.

I am leaving your thread open though in the hopes that posters can help you in deciding the next step but further forays into diagnoses will mean we will have to close the thread.

Thanks
Taltos

Ave Sodalis

OP, who gives you the right to decide whether you're worthy of a relationship, either through friendship, romantic, family etc? You don't have that right and the decisionas to whether or not you deserve it does not come from you. It comes from the person who's seeking a friendship with you. You are obviously not happy with what you are inflicting upon yourself. The question is, why are you doing it? Can you pin point the reason?

You've developed an uncomfortable comfort zone, by the sounds of it. You've made this part of your identity and I don't even have to know you to know that it's not who you are. You're not going to come out of it, if you've made it part of your identity because nobody likes changing the little ego bubble they've created for themselves (by ego here, I mean the outward projection of themselves they show to the world). The only way to even start is to realise it's not who you are, just a little attachment to yourself that can be pulled off like a blanket.

Now you want a word for it, a label to justify this state you've put yourself in. Why?

Kelly06

Why not try some cognitive behavioural therapy ?. Amongst other things ,CBT helps to control the negative thought process that we go through when the little voice inside our heads(I.e thoughts ) criticises us and tells us were not worthy or bad. Most of us are our own worst critic.

Couldn't hurt to try a quailed professional could advise you if CBT could be helpful for you.

dellas1979

No, its not abnormal for a human being to feel like this.

But, you might ask yourself how and why it is like this for you. And if you are ok to live life like this, or if you want to explore the reason. That is your choice.

It sounds like maybe you could have suffered an emotional trauma. And this is the legacy. You wont allow yourself to get close to someone.

Just remember, in days/weeks/years to come, if you want to do something about this, you can.

conditioned games

Is there any reasons to backup why you think you dont deserve to live life. It could be a mental block and your not willing to over come it.