very nosey neighbour

nesbitt

I have an ok relationship with one particular neighbour. She blows hot and cold, is very friendly one day, cuts you dead another day. Thats ok, I say Hi and keep going. I have my own busy life and family to see to. I am not in paid employment just now so am at home during the day. I got divorced in summer and am happy and in a good place with who I am and where I want to be. I budget very carefully so that I can provide for my kids and give them a decent up bringing. I juggle like most people. I dont smoke or drink and not into much socialising at this stage cos its all about my kids and if they are ok then so am I....

So... My neighbour next door has been trying to figure out 'how I do it' and 'thinks Im great' so in the course of a friendly hello the other day she weedled her way around to asking me out straight in my face how much maintenance was agreed to be paid for my kids. I tried to remain poker faced and in truth for a second or too was dumb founded at her sheer cheek so I trebled the amount and remained vague when she continued to ask me 'if other items are looked after too'?

Bear in mind I do not ask her ANY personal questions about her family and try to keep our interaction pleasant and light hearted.

I am going to be on my guard from now on and am determined to be friendly but give her no info about myself as best I can.

Anyone else deal with someone like this? Any comment welcome. Thanks

funk-you

'I'm sorry but I'm not very comfortable talking about money'

That should about cover it. Nosey people thrive on you being polite to get the answers they want. So give a polite answer but just not the one they want.

-Funk

Tokyo

^ This, or a variation of. People like your neighbour are just going to keep trying to wheedle as long as you ignore it, or try to be polite about it. SOmething along the lines of above, or "I'm sorry, but that's really not anybody else's business" should stop it in its tracks. IF she takes umbrage with it, well that's her problem, not yours.

LegacyUser

nesbitt wrote: »

so I trebled the amount and remained vague

This was a bit of a mistake and it's what encouraged her to keep pressing. My stock answer for anything intrusive is to laugh and say "Jaysis, the Gards wouldn't ask you that". You may need it again soon as she now thinks it's ok to ask and will expect you to answer.

nesbitt

Yeah I think I am just going to have to get direct with her......

After a decade living along side her I think she is too self absorbed to even consider the irony of her interaction with me.

I wish I had said that 'my money is my private business'.... but she kinda caught me off guard as I was working at front of my house and was trying get finished what I was doing against at the time.

I did tell a friend at weekend who was horrified at her line of questioning and told me that I should tell her to xxxx off... I wont however, cos I just want to keep pleasant superficial relationship with this neighbour.

nesbitt

Guessed wrote: »

This was a bit of a mistake and it's what encouraged her to keep pressing. My stock answer for anything intrusive is to laugh and say "Jaysis, the Gards wouldn't ask you that". You may need it again soon as she now thinks it's ok to ask and will expect you to answer.

You are absolutely right this is annoying me no end.... I wish I had just rebuked her there and then. I wish I had used my sense of humour but I was thinking just to give her a BS figure and keep her guessing...

ABajaninCork

You need to come like a Londoner OP. Tell her to **** off and mind her own bloody business!! Next thing you know, this nosy old boot will be calling Welfare on you. Nip this in the bud now.

Some people have such boring lives and far too much time on their hands. So they try to create excitement by poking their noses in other people's business...

retro:electro

Was she asking just to be nosey or was she enquiring because she or a family member is currently in the same situation? Either way is still inappropriate imo, but there may be a reason behind it rather than just plain noseyness. Either way she lacks tact. In future a simple "I don't feel comfortable discussing that" should suffice.

nesbitt

anna080 wrote: »

Was she asking just to be nosey or was she enquiring because she or a family member is currently in the same situation? Either way is still inappropriate imo, but there may be a reason behind it rather than just plain noseyness. Either way she lacks tact. In future a simple "I don't feel comfortable discussing that" should suffice.

Yeah I could speculate what the motivation is for prying into my set up.... She drives a status car, goes out, has 'her house all done' has 2 kids but is very unhappy. The relationship seems to be rocky and she may be considering really going it alone. I suspect that her own set up is not legit, hey diddle diddle... She may wonder what it is like to not look over her shoulder but that would mean a change in lifestyle for sure. Having said this Im not interested in what she does. Live and let live..

She is not my friend and has no right to now what I have. As regards reporting me for anything she can work away, have zero to hide and nothing im not entitled properly to.

Ill tell her to back off when she approaches me with questions next time for sure. I like the 'jaysus the guards wouldnt ask me that' line, she will surely get that. Thanks all

ABajaninCork

Listen OP. Not even my good mates or come to that my family need to know all my business if I choose not to tell them. And my London friends know me better than to ask if I don't say anything.

Some of my Irish friends can be a tad nosy and judgmental. I've had a couple of run-ins since I've lived here simply because I don't feel the need to share EVERY little aspect of my life with everyone. But - it's cool. I've had to adjust to the fact some people here think it's perfectly OK to ask personal questions. Just as they're getting used to the fact that I politely (Or not!!) tell him it's none of their concern...

CollyFlower

So, how much maintenance are you getting? (^_-)

nesbitt

CollyFlower wrote: »

So, how much maintenance are you getting? (^_-)

eh if I tell ya that Ill have to shoot ya..... :P:D

Neyite

My stock response to any intrusive question is "That's a very personal thing to ask someone, don't you think?"

Very effective.

Don Kedick

If she asks you about money again just say 'I get enough to get buy' and then ask her how much her botox costs.

ivytwine

Sounds like a typical nosey ould one!

Wayyyyyy back when my mother was on single parent's allowance when I was little, the local busybody came up to her in the post office and snatched the book (as it was before the cards came into effect) to see how much Mam was getting. Like you, Mam was way too shocked to say anything. She saw the funny side of it later on, as she said she could have found out the same information from listening to the finance minister carefully in the budget.

Some people have just no concept or boundaries or like this one just love gossip. As you say she cuts you half the time, she clearly is one of those who are just only interested in the gossip.

Don't engage with her next time. She'll talk about you regardless so I think tripling the figure and basically trolling her was a good idea. Let people talk, feck 'em all!

Morag

It could be that she or someone she knows is going through a separation and she was looking for some info to help.

December2012

If she asks you anything in future that you dont' want to answer, then simply say "Why do you want to know that?" It is a great question to put the spotlight back on somebody else, and highlights their nosiness, while also giving you a few minutes thinking time to decide if you want to answer the question and how.

ABajaninCork

Morag wrote: »

It could be that she or someone she knows is going through a separation and she was looking for some info to help.

By asking how much money the OP gets??

LynnGrace

December2012 wrote: »

If she asks you anything in future that you dont' want to answer, then simply say "Why do you want to know that?" It is a great question to put the spotlight back on somebody else, and highlights their nosiness, while also giving you a few minutes thinking time to decide if you want to answer the question and how.

I agree. I've used this, occasionally, and it works.

Done with a slight smile on your face, 'why would you want to know that' as if you can't quite believe someone asked you something really nosey. It gives you time to think, and throws the nosey person, because they have to try and answer .

mikemac1

If you two ever fall out don't be surprised if she sends a bitter report to the welfare and then you reviewed.

You have nothing to hide of course.

Be on your guard as you said yourself OP

m'lady

Can't believe that she asked you that! I've very close friends/family who would never ask me such questions and vice versa, unless it's volunteered then it would be spoken about! I agree with all the other posters, just smile and ask why she's so interested?!

nesbitt

I disagree that she was looking for info for a friend in need of advice. A quick google of maintenance rates awarded in court would be sufficient to give anyone relevant figures

Also she is not an auld biddy, think WAG or gangsta wife and you have the gist.

Regarding SW, she is too busy keeping them off her own back. She didn't bat an eyelid at my inflated amount so that will tell you how little she knows of finance in the real world.

Anyway, I am now well prepared for next time and am looking forward to dealing with her effectively.

Ethel

I'd be hard pressed to be polite to her. Given she would say hello one minute and blank you the next. A good old fashioned 'mind your own business' and I'd be away. I don't care whether its sheer nosiness or a family member going through it she's enquiring for. That's what means testing when it comes to splits and family courts. Each case is different.

Avoid conversations with this one.

shuffle65

ivytwine wrote: »

Sounds like a typical nosey ould one!

Wayyyyyy back when my mother was on single parent's allowance when I was little, the local busybody came up to her in the post office and snatched the book (as it was before the cards came into effect) to see how much Mam was getting.

Gobsmacked!!

A cow called Daisy

I know this is not any he help to OP (and slightly off thread) but thought this a great answer given by friend that has had his nose broken and now is slightly out of its original shape.

Woman "Oh (name) I often wonder why is your nose crooked?"
Friend "It's like that so that I can't stick it in other people's business":D

The look on her face was priceless