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Should I live in hope

  • 05-12-2014 11:01pm
    #1
    Srevilo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭


    I live abroad. Over the years I have gotten to know a guy from Ireland who visits here every month or so. We have always had an exceptional spark between us and a huge amount of enjoyable flirty banter. However nothing ever happened except the odd drink and friendship due to us both being in relationships. Over the past year both of our relationships ended.
    The last time he was here we went out a few times, had a good time and shared a few kisses.
    He told me he's been crazy about me for years and if we weren't so far apart feels we could be great together . I agreed. He also said he didn't know if a long distance relationship was realistic, I told him I'd prefer for us to enjoy and get to know each other first as we obviously don't know each other romantically.

    So he went back to Ireland and we made no plans to keep in touch but have had a few evenings of flat out texting, i have to admit usually instigated by me, he is however always delighted to hear from me, tells me he misses me and is planning another trip out soon.
    I did get a little paranoid about always being the instigator so I thought id leave it off for a while. That was ten days ago and nothing.. I'm fairly certain that he's a nice guy and I'm also fairly sure that I believe him when he says he has feelings for me but im a little baffled and upset by the lack of contact. I don't know whether to give it up as a bad job or pursue it. Advice welcome .


Comments

  • #2
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    It doesn't matter whether he is Irish or not but ten days of no contact isn't positive.

    It sounds to me like he likes you but not enough to make a runner of it. You need to listen to what he is telling you - he likes you but doesn't want a long distance relationship.


  • #3
    Srevilo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭Srevilo


    Nope it doesn't feel very positive. To be fair we really only had a few casual drinks, once or twice it was because we actually just bumped into each other and once he arranged. I also have no yen for a long distance relationship, and i certainly don't want to get into one after just a few kisses. I suppose I'm overthinking things and my head was turned by all the talk of years of secretly wanting me.


  • #4
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Srevilo wrote: »
    Nope it doesn't feel very positive. To be fair we really only had a few casual drinks, once or twice it was because we actually just bumped into each other and once he arranged. I also have no yen for a long distance relationship, and i certainly don't want to get into one after just a few kisses. I suppose I'm overthinking things and my head was turned by all the talk of years of secretly wanting me.

    Years of secretly wanting you while he çontinued a long term relationship.... Thè poor ex girlfriend.

    This guy isn't great on paper op. It's sounding to me like he could say that with a view to speeding up the physical side of your relationship but then maybe I'm just an old cynic.


  • #5
    LLMMML
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 108 ✭✭LLMMML


    I don't think he's "playing you" in any sense. But you're both not interested in long distance and text banter isn't fun for everyone. The only thing you can infer from the ten day silence is that he's not that into text banter. If you lived in the same city he might be all over you. Time to move on.


  • #6
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    LLMMML wrote: »
    I don't think he's "playing you" in any sense. But you're both not interested in long distance and text banter isn't fun for everyone. The only thing you can infer from the ten day silence is that he's not that into text banter. If you lived in the same city he might be all over you. Time to move on.

    Got to agree with this. He may be protecting himself from being hurt. Personally I can't see any point in long distance relationships unless there is a point down the line where one of the people involved moves. Perhaps he doesn't want to go there.

    Also he may have built up a fantasy in his head about you and him. Now that it has happened for real, it's not what he thought it would be. Also as has been pointed out, if he was crazy about you for years why did he stay with his girlfriend?


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  • #7
    Srevilo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭Srevilo


    I agree that there is zero point in going from nought to sixty with this kind of a situation. A long term relationship is far from Ideal, I just wanted to have a few dates and play it by ear. Which I suppose we did to an extent.

    I assume he stayed with his girlfriend because he loved her. The same reason i stayed with my partner for 5 years. From my point of view I had feelings for this guy for years too. They wouldn't take over my life, but when I'd see him I'd feel it. Didn't mean I wasn't in love with my b/f and never did anything about them.


  • #8
    Srevilo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭Srevilo


    I also may have put the years of secretly wanting me thing wrong. I'm sure i didn't take over his every waking thought and nor did he mine. It was more of a slow burning crush which would flare up when I saw him.


  • #9
    woodchuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,411 ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    Srevilo wrote: »
    I live abroad. Over the years I have gotten to know a guy from Ireland who visits here every month or so. We have always had an exceptional spark between us and a huge amount of enjoyable flirty banter. However nothing ever happened except the odd drink and friendship due to us both being in relationships. Over the past year both of our relationships ended.
    The last time he was here we went out a few times, had a good time and shared a few kisses.
    He told me he's been crazy about me for years and if we weren't so far apart feels we could be great together . I agreed. He also said he didn't know if a long distance relationship was realistic, I told him I'd prefer for us to enjoy and get to know each other first as we obviously don't know each other romantically.

    So he went back to Ireland and we made no plans to keep in touch but have had a few evenings of flat out texting, i have to admit usually instigated by me, he is however always delighted to hear from me, tells me he misses me and is planning another trip out soon.
    I did get a little paranoid about always being the instigator so I thought id leave it off for a while. That was ten days ago and nothing.. I'm fairly certain that he's a nice guy and I'm also fairly sure that I believe him when he says he has feelings for me but im a little baffled and upset by the lack of contact. I don't know whether to give it up as a bad job or pursue it. Advice welcome .

    He obviously doesn't want a long distance relationship and it sounds like he's been very clear about that (parts in bold above!). So unless the distance thing is going to change, I wouldn't be holding out any hope.


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