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Dating someone gong through a divorce

  • 04-12-2014 4:57pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    For the last 4 months I have been dating the most wonderful women I have every met.
    Going into the relationship I knew she was getting divorced and had kids when we started going out and that never bothered.
    She stays with me 3 nights a week as it is more convenient for her work and lives with the kids and the father for the rest of the week. Recently she came back after being with the kids, text me saying she cant be with me any more and that I deserver someone better, and now wont speak to me.
    I'm confused as everything was going really well up to that point.
    Should I try and bring it up or just respect her wishes?
    Tagged:


Comments

  • #2
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Is it possible that her and her husband are attempting to reconcile? Or conversely, perhaps she's worried that being with a new guy while technically still married might work against her in a messy divorce? Or maybe she realised she's just not ready for all of this?

    You can ask her for a better explanation than a text message as to what changed, but from the sounds of it I would say that you are just going to have to respect that decision and try to move past it - she doesn't sound anywhere near ready to be in a new relationship.


  • #3
    desbrook
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    There's a real chance she's following sound legal advice. Other relationships are a complication in separations/ divorces where there has been no prior agreement . Her solicitor probably advised her that she stands a better chance of getting the house if she wasn't dating anyone. A four month old relationship can be sacrificed in those circumstances.


  • #4
    kenmccarthy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 160 ✭✭kenmccarthy


    Tough one this.........
    as other posters have said it's one of three things.........
    A) legal advice
    B) Reconciliation
    C) She just "isn't ready"--(fair enough).

    Hard to say but You have to just 'grin and bear it'


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi op here. She has been seperated from the husband for two years and he is still with the person he cheated with on her. There not getting back together. She has been with one person since the marragie break-up and he really messed her up. As soon as we started to get close she ran away. This may be me over thinking things but as she won't talk I don't what to do


  • #6
    acon2119
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 144 ✭✭acon2119


    Don't give up on her without speaking to her face to face about it.


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  • #7
    desbrook
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    acon2119 wrote: »
    Don't give up on her without speaking to her face to face about it.

    That's bordering on stalker stuff imho. If someone doesn't want to talk about something they are not and should not be compelled to. It would achieve nothing anyhow.


  • #8
    acon2119
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 144 ✭✭acon2119


    desbrook wrote: »
    That's bordering on stalker stuff imho. If someone doesn't want to talk about something they are not and should not be compelled to. It would achieve nothing anyhow.

    I definitely do not mean that he should stalk the lady, you obviously didn't read my suggestion properly. I obviously meant that he should contact her and discuss it face to face if she's willing, and if when he contacts her she says there is nothing to talk about then he knows where he stands. Sometimes people send messages on the spur of the moment by text and they dont really mean them at all. Texting about an important matter is a no no. This woman may be under pressure with other issues in her life and panic that she wont be able to cope with a proper relationship as well as dealing with everything else, Divorce, kids, job etc


  • #9
    desbrook
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,847 ✭✭✭desbrook


    acon2119 wrote: »
    I definitely do not mean that he should stalk the lady, you obviously didn't read my suggestion properly. I obviously meant that he should contact her and discuss it face to face if she's willing, and if when he contacts her she says there is nothing to talk about then he knows where he stands. Sometimes people send messages on the spur of the moment by text and they dont really mean them at all. Texting about an important matter is a no no. This woman may be under pressure with other issues in her life and panic that she wont be able to cope with a proper relationship as well as dealing with everything else, Divorce, kids, job etc

    I actually did read it. You advised not to " give up " without face to face. The OP states the lady does not wish to speak let alone face to face. I have great sympathy for the OP but again he must respect her wishes - we can only offer possible explanations imho.


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