threatend by exs father

LegacyUser

Hi I will try and give as much detail without being specific

My ex and I have a child and have been broken up for a number of years,we had a mediated agreement that was changed by us over time but has gone sour due to certain factors

Due to this part of my access with my child is in her house and the other day was the first time we've gone back to the old agreement,my exs father was there and approached me when my ex went to fetch our child and basically said he would kill me over the situation that was happening. Now nothing untoward has happened between my ex and I to warrent this other than the agreement no longer working for specific reasons

I love my child with all my heart snd will do anything for her including going through this harrasment,we are going back to court to resolve the access arrangements but in the intrum I'm unsure what to do if he is going to be there threatening me and need advice

Big Bag of Chips

Talk to your ex.

Her father has probably seen her upset over various things, is hearing a one-sided argument and obviously is going to be on the side of his daughter. That said, threatening you isn't exactly going to make things nice between everyone is it.

Could you arrange with your ex to meet her somewhere else instead of her house? Could you arrange to meet in a coffee shop? Or library? Or play centre?

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Talk to your ex.

Her father has probably seen her upset over various things, is hearing a one-sided argument and obviously is going to be on the side of his daughter. That said, threatening you isn't exactly going to make things nice between everyone is it.

Could you arrange with your ex to meet her somewhere else instead of her house? Could you arrange to meet in a coffee shop? Or library? Or play centre?

Normally that would be a good idea but under the circumstances we have defaulted to the original agreement and can't deviate from it

I understand completely he is only hearing one side but threatening someone in any circumstances is not the right thing to do and is only exasperating things

Riskymove

advicenaboutex wrote: »

I understand completely he is only hearing one side but threatening someone in any circumstances is not the right thing to do and is only exasperating things

of course it isn't but you are asking what you should do

Basically there are two options

decide he is just upset and that everything will settle down once a new agreement is in place and leave it be

or

decide it is a serious threat and make a complaint

Big Bag of Chips

You are being very non-specific about the specific reasons that access has come to this. Does your access to the child have to be supervised? Does your dealings with your ex need a witness due to past behaviour?

Without detail it's difficult to advise on a way around this.

As mentioned... Report it, or don't. That seems to be your only options. If access is in HIS house, he has a right to be there. Maybe your ex could tell him to step back and let the two of you sort it out between yourselves.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You are being very non-specific about the specific reasons that access has come to this. Does your access to the child have to be supervised? Does your dealings with your ex need a witness due to past behaviour?

Without detail it's difficult to advise on a way around this.

As mentioned... Report it, or don't. That seems to be your only options. If access is in HIS house, he has a right to be there. Maybe your ex could tell him to step back and let the two of you sort it out between yourselves.

Sorry maybe i shoudl specify

The access is in my exs house,not her fathers house,it does not have to be supervised..we had an agreement of access that worked fin including over night weekends in my place but due to disagreements we have to default to the mediated agreement and unfortunately on the agreement it states my weekday access has to be in her address. I can deviate from this as it would be breaking the agreement and i would be in trouble

So im not sure what people would do in my situation, you guys say leave it or report it?

power pants

Not condoning the father's actions but how seriously would you take the threat? Is he a reasonable man that just happened to get over emotional and said it in the heat of the moment? Again, not justifying it or saying you shouldn't feel upset but context is important

If you believe it is a credible threat or that he will create an atmosphere that will prevent you relaxing with your kids, tell your ex or tell the ex's father if continues you will go to the guards. Perhaps, tell him you would prefer not to go down this route but ultimately you want to see your kids and be able to enjoy the time you have with them

ash23

Speak to your ex. Just mention what her dad said and that you are ok with him being there at access but not if he is going to be threatening you.
Leave it to her to say to him but don't get into a fight with her about it. If she won't back you up and the threats continue then report it.

Est28

Would this not be more of a legal issue as to access to your child?

As for the father. He's getting all one side and being over-protective. If you were him, you could see his point, he's protecting his little girl and her daughter but his views are blinkered.

Hopefully it never comes to this but even in legal proceedings over child access, surely it's worth noting that if this is the situation but you are being threatened when doing your part it is valid.

Rubberchikken

Imho i'd be for letting it go.
If you insist onaking a complaint, it is going to probably make the relationship you have with your child's mother more strained.


Her father has probably seen his child upset and is angry on her behalf. I'm not saying it's eight, in fact it's stupid behaviour, but sometimes people don't always act in a rational way where family is concerned.

If you insist on taking it further. Be prepared for whatever comes.

Tbh you might be better off just staying away from this man and not responding/listening to anything he says.

John_D80

advicenaboutex wrote: »

Sorry maybe i shoudl specify

The access is in my exs house,not her fathers house,it does not have to be supervised..we had an agreement of access that worked fin including over night weekends in my place but due to disagreements we have to default to the mediated agreement and unfortunately on the agreement it states my weekday access has to be in her address. I can deviate from this as it would be breaking the agreement and i would be in trouble

So im not sure what people would do in my situation, you guys say leave it or report it?

Mate, I would get back to the mediator or family law court ASAP and get that access agreement changed to something more suitable, for you and your boy. I know its a pain in the hole going to court but it will be worth it.

As for the issue with your ex's dad? Talk to her and let her know that you will be going to the cops if it happens again. If you do have to go to the gaurds about him, at least there will be a reference of it that you can use to sort out a more favourable access agreement for yourself on the grounds that there is friction between you and him.

Good luck.