Need to move out - need urgent replies

LegacyUser

As the title says. I am freaking out. I have reached breaking point. I genuinely 'hate' my family. I have been attending counscillors for years for being unhappy and it is all down to my family, they are destructive.

My dad grabbed me by my throat and caused my hand to bleed the other night. My mother thinks this is acceptable. I need to leave before I crack and God knows where I will end up if I stay here.

I have no job. I am currently going from job to job doing temp work. Can anyone tell me what my options are? I can't receive rent allowance unless my parents give their incomes etc which obviously they won't do. Please help!!

ABajaninCork

Why do you need to give your parents incomes for Rent Allowance? That doesn't seem right to me. Have a read of this link which gives the rules for the RA. Remember - you need to have rented privately for six months AND be on the local authority housing list before you can apply.

What realistically can you afford to pay? Can you go for a house share??

Finally - if you want to move out you need to plan this properly. Do you have any funds you can call on to get started? You'll need a month's rent and another month as deposit. Do you have that?

In the meantime - I'd start saving hard. I'd also try to keep as much to myself as possible, until you can make that move.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Why do you need to give your parents incomes for Rent Allowance? That doesn't seem right to me. Have a read of this link which gives the rules for the RA. Remember - you need to have rented privately for six months AND be on the local authority housing list before you can apply.

What realistically can you afford to pay? Can you go for a house share??

Finally - if you want to move out you need to plan this properly. Do you have any funds you can call on to get started? You'll need a month's rent and another month as deposit. Do you have that?

In the meantime - I'd start saving hard. I'd also try to keep as much to myself as possible, until you can make that move.

Good luck!

I definitely cannot claim rent allowance then because I have never moved out before. I am 23.

Surely with all the social welfare benefits there is something that can help a young girl who is trapped out home with a violent father and damaging mother? It is emotional violence I am experiencing. I am desperately unhappy. The things I have been googling tonight are not normal. A young 23 year old girl should not be googling these things

I don't have a consistent income. As I said I receive temp work, I could earn €400 one week and €100 the next.

cruais

Are there any friends who would help you out for a while? Boyfriend / girlfriend?

Save your ass off from your temping jobs then go into a house share

Faith

If you're temping, then you're in a stronger position than a lot of people. What part of the country are you in? If you live in Dublin, you'll need to look further out than you might want to to find a place with reasonable rent.

Your options are basically to find a house share and move in there. You'll need your deposit (usually the cost of 1 month's rent) and your first month's rent upfront. Cost will vary wildly depending on what part of the country you're in.

As ABajaninCork, you won't qualify for rent allowance unless you meet certain conditions (namely, being on social welfare!).

Realistically, all you can do is work and save until you have enough to get out. If you're under 18, the authorities might be able to help if you are being physically abused, but they won't do much if you're over 18.

jimmycrackcorm

op_anon wrote:

My dad grabbed me by my throat and caused my hand to bleed the other night. My mother thinks this is acceptable.

Your dad's action is unacceptable but how does this sort of situation arise? You basically need to get a steady job, some money saved and move out. There's two sides to a story and your mothers compliance makes me wonder why.

from little acorns

Even with the temp work you should be able to get some savings together. Where are you in the country? If I were you, I'd take a chance and move to one of the bigger towns (Cork, Galway, ideally Dublin) and rent a room in the cheapest kip going, on a weekly basis with no minimum notice period. Get a minimum wage job - anything at all - that will give you a low but steady income. Once you have an income, move on to a room in a decent place as soon as you can afford it. Then start looking for a better job - you don't mention any qualifications, but even without any, you should hopefully manage to get a call-centre or office admin job that will pay more than minimum wage.

Worst case scenario, you don't find a job and have to return home. But this is unlikely, seeing as you're able to find regular temping work at the moment. You just can't afford to be fussy about the type of work - not to begin with - you just need something that gives steady income.

If you can manage to tough it out for six months, rent allowance may be an option (but hopefully you won't need it by then.)

Best to do it sooner rather than later. You're a grown adult; no one else is going to rescue you if you choose to continue living there. It sounds like, unless you make the plans and get out of there yourself, you may eventually end up being kicked out onto the street ... better to do it on your own terms and with a plan in place.

Best of luck.

lovelyjubbly

Women's Aid support women living in a domestic abuse situation, Fathers too not just partners. There may be a refuge place, they offer one to one support and information on practical matters. Google them for local contact number.

Pawwed Rig

Sorry about your situation OP
As lovelyjubbly said you can seek help
Women's Aid - (1800 341 900) - provides support services and information to women experiencing abuse from their partners.

While it says partners they will also accomodate you here. They can give you advise on your personal circumstances in a sensitive discreet manner.
I would also recommend filing a report with the Gardai about the assault you experienced. There is no excuse for that.

Tokyo

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Your dad's action is unacceptable but how does this sort of situation arise? You basically need to get a steady job, some money saved and move out. There's two sides to a story and your mothers compliance makes me wonder why.

jimmycrackcorm - this is stepping very close to the line of victim blaming here, and does nothing to contribute to the thread. Please keep that in mind when posting in future.