Ex in contact again - l don't know what to do

LegacyUser

So my ex (of 6months) dumped me almost 2months ago - said he thought he couldn't see us lasting and didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone. He broke my heart cause l was really mad about him.

Few days after that, l text asking to send on my stuff l left at his house, no prob he said. Then he text saying he would be passing my house and could drop them in, so that was arranged. He kept texting me away like normal, next thing he dropped the "friends with benefits" hint. Told him cleary no chance. The day he was meant to drop off my stuff, l heard nothing from him so texted to say just send them on, do not want to contact you again about them. He then texted back saying grow up and he'll do it when he'd a chance, l said you could have least told me you werent going to drop them off....only then to be told by him to get over it. l was so mad and texted back do what you want with them, lm sick of all this, lm done with you. He never texted back. I eventually got over the heartbreak and all the pain he caused me, l honestly never being so hurt in my life or cried so much because l trusted him. l deleted all photos, got rid of all presents he gave me, things that reminded me of him and deleted him off fb.

Last week, low and behold he text me out of the blue asking how was l keeping. This is how the conversation went:

Ex: How you keepin

Me: lm fine, what do you want

Ex: Didnt want an attitude but if thats the way your gonna be, forget it

Me: wat do you want me to say? wat about your attitude to me in the last texts? forget it? get over it? friends with benefits? did you not think that would hurt, no? last thing you should expect from me is to be happy to hear from you again

Ex: Ah well guess it wasnt a great time to talk when we both pissed off

Me: ya l suppose, go talk to someone else dont bother wasting my time

Ex: sound, your v sure l wasnt going wasting your time anyway

Me: ya, l am sure

Ex: so you dont want sort things out

Me: sort out what? you trying the friends with benefits again?

Ex: ah no said ld forget that and go back to the happy couple thing

Me: nah, lm over the couple thing since you showed your true colors, gud luck

Ex: or right well youv obv found someone to keep you occupied so

And that was it, didnt bother texting back...when we were texting in my head "pr*ck" just kept coming to mind and then when he mentioned happy couple thing l nearly burst into tears....l just dont get him, l dont know if hes messing with my head or what. We did have a good time together but towards the end he got very cold with me and after dumping me l felt so disrespected by him. We had a good bit in common and l honestly thought we'd be together for along time. He told me how l was all he wanted in a woman, he was keeping me forever and how all his friends and family loved me. l was always so good to him, at times l felt like l liked him more.

This guy is cocky, but at the same time there is a vurable side to him which he just doesnt let out. l duno, l deeply care about him.

Sorry for the long post, but il get to the point.....its been in my head now should l just text him aying, if you wana talk about things, ring (cause talking about things by text cleary does not work) some day cause it'll just be easier.

Am l a fool to even consider this? is he just lonely? messing with my head? wats the chance he really wants me back??

The last few weeks l was getting on fine, defo have more respect for myself after all thats happened and just wana protect myself from getting hurt again.

UGH my head!!

Honestly, I'd make a guess he's found out the grass isn't greener and has come crawling back. He was messing with your head about your stuff, being very rude and "grow up" and couldn't give you the courtesy of dropping it back or making an arrangement to get it.

Ignore him and forget him

Saipanne

What a horrible person. You should be delighted he's gone.

Taltos

Just block his number OP. The next thing will be the drunk texts or the
"ah you know I love you, will I just pop around for a coffee and a chat" bla bla bla...

As you said he showed his true colours, keep reminding yourself of that but block his number.

Mr. Incognito

Your mistake was responding to his first text.

Your second mistake was responding to his second text.

Your third mistake was responding to his third text.

You get the idea.

Delete him, block him, blank him.

Meauldsegosha

dont know what to do wrote: »

Last week, low and behold he text me out of the blue asking how was l keeping. This is how the conversation went:

Ex: How you keepin

Me: lm fine, what do you want

Ex: Didnt want an attitude but if thats the way your gonna be, forget it

You should have stopped texting at that stage. Deleted and blocked his number. But you kept texting and now he has got inside your head

dont know what to do wrote: »

.....its been in my head now should l just text him aying, if you wana talk about things, ring (cause talking about things by text cleary does not work) some day cause it'll just be easier.
Am l a fool to even consider this? is he just lonely? messing with my head? wats the chance he really wants me back??

Don't do this. It will give him an opening to get back into your life and he will end up messing you around again. It's coming up to the party season and he obviously doesn't want to be single for Christmas so he is giving you a call. He thinks you are the easy option.

LegacyUser

Have more respect for yourself than to waste time even sending the creep a text. All that exchange translates as is "give me what I want - no- ok **** you then" with a little manipulation thrown in. He promised you more, didn't deliver, then tried to string you along with fresh promises of more. You'd want to be mad in the head to believe him. You know what he's like now, no need for confusion, don't even bother answering him and unless the stuff he has is of senitmental value or worth a lot of money, let it go.

redfacedbear

dont know what to do wrote: »

...when we were texting in my head "pr*ck" just kept coming to mind

That's the bit you need to focus on - because you are not wrong. Whatever about vulnerable sides and might-have-beens, his behaviour during the breakup was classless (and revealed his true colours, no doubt). If you go back you will be giving him the green light to repeat this behaviour again and again. So you need to focus on the fact that it's over, it is good that it's over and you are away from his headwrecking mind games.

HelgaWard

A Japanese friend of mine said in relation to an ex "I don't look back, I only look forward"
Thought it was a wise policy, ex's are in your past for a reason. If this guy was really serious about you, really felt he had made a massive mistake, he could have turned up to visit you, had a genuine conversation and shown you he really wanted you. He didn't, he sent a half arsed text, without even apologising for how things had finished. He does not respect you as much as you deserve to be respected. Look forward, not back.

dont know what to do

dont know what to do wrote: »

This is how the conversation went:

Ex: How you keepin

Me: lm fine, what do you want

Ex: Didnt want an attitude but if thats the way your gonna be, forget it

Just to be honest and add this OP as I re-read it, it should have ended here. It's a clear sign he's trying to put it all back on you, trying to make out it's all your fault - in addition to "you want your stuff? grow up" now it's back to how you're not being nice enough or accommodating enough - manipulative.
If he really wanted to make a proper go of it he wouldn't be acting so arsey with you and maybe apologising for not giving your stuff back instead of the huffy "what's wrong with you" sh!te.
Really, really, ignore him and move on and DON'T respond next time

strobe

Sorry to be crass, but it sounds most likely like he thought he'd break up with you and be off riding girls left right and centre, this didn't happen for him so he tried floating the friends with benefits thing, that didn't come off so he's now trying to float the possibility of being a 'happy couple' again to get you back into bed. It doesn't sound like he wants anything more than sex as he's hard up for it now that you've broken up.
Sorry.
But tbh, if this is what he's like just be grateful you've found out now, and didn't waste any more time on him. You haven't lost out on anything here, you've had a lucky escape and are now free as a bird to head out, have fun and when you're ready for meeting guys again to go into every day knowing it could be the day you meet the love of your life. Fun, exciting times ahead. Lucky you.

Dixie Chick

There really does seem to be a manipulation coming across in his text. Also "go back to the happy couple thing"....romance novel material it aint!!

ellie1

You say you deeply care about him but care about yourself more.

It's Xmas time which is particularly hard not to get wrapped up in romance.

If you contact him, he will do the same thing in a week, a month or a few months.

Just keep remembering how you felt when he dumped you to play the field, hook up with other women , needed space etc.... If he cared about you he would never have done this. He didn't care about you then and his manipulative game playing now shows he certainly does not care about you now.

There is plenty of great men out there.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies, made me feel so much better and really opened my eyes. Reading back on my post, made me think what was l ever thinking even texting or considering giving him an option to ring -wtf. He was definitely shocked with my response, l just know he was expecting me to run back into his arms.

Think lm well rid alrite, he was my 1st love, so it made things that bit harder for me and l guess l missed so much what was going on. I'll admit l can be a fool when it comes to love!

Whats yer opinions on the last thing he said to me? 1 of my friends thinks he was trying to insult me, the other reckons hes prob jealous or something...

tinz18

I would speculate that its part of his ego that he thinks that the only way you would turn him down is if you have someone else. Forget about him he's clearly a manipulative prat...at least you'll have this experience so you know what personality types to avoid in the future.

retro:electro

Or he was putting the feelers out there and testing you instead of outright asking are you seeing someone? But ya he most likely thinks that because of your staunch responses that you must have someone in your life, because ya know how could any single independent woman ever resist his romantic charms?! Stick to your guns op, you know what the right thing to do is.

ladygirl

OP
I dated a guy like this for almost 4 years. I remember posting problems on boards about him too only to be given the same advice that you have just received. Since then I have learned that people can only treat you how you allow them to treat you.

My advice is to take some time to yourself to get fully over this. It will take time but it will be a little bit easier knowing he is such a d**K.

Eventually when the time is right you will find someone who is worth your time - for me it took 2 years. But being single gave me the confidence in myself that I needed. I will never accept being disrespected or mistreated ever again. Now I'm with a wonderful guy, who is my best friend and would never speak to me the way your ex just spoke to you.. (I wouldn't tolerate it now either)

Your so lucky that the guy of your dreams is yet to come, we just all had to kiss a few frogs to find him

Best of luck - don't look back - and never settle
xx

TheBeardedLady

You'd be foolish to go there, OP. The fella is not respectful or caring. Don't lower yourself to that.

iPink

Don't know what to do wrote:

Whats yer opinions on the last thing he said to me? 1 of my friends thinks he was trying to insult me, the other reckons hes prob jealous or something...

i would say he was defo fishing to see if there was anyone else around. .. so glad you didn't answer though!
harder said than done. .. good on ye!
well rid OP
plenty more fish