Housemates mate

mkhall

I'm not sure whether I have this in the proper place but here goes. Had a very bizarre situation with my housemate and their mate last night and I'm stumped on how to handle it.
Had my a boyfriend over last night and he parked in our driveway. Housemates mate came over after him, let's call her Jill, and parked behind him. Boyfriend went to leave and so I had to ask Jill to move her car. Jill said she had her shoes off so could I. I don't drive so I said no can you or someone else do it. My boyfriend heard Jill say this and said no worries I'll move it for her. I explained to her that she was directly behind him so he'd have to move hers then his again then hers back. While he was doing it I popped back into the room. Jill starts asking me questions, like is that car in the driveway that's his...well then maybe I shouldn't have let him drive mine then! Really rude I was shocked.
So maybe a min or two went by and she looks out the window and starts freaking out asking where her car is. I explain to her listen he had to move your car across the road, then move his out, his across the road then yours back. I see him across the road and point it out to her, she starts running out screaming at all the passerbys to call the guards. She runs back into the house and tells my other housemate to call the guards, he looked like he was going to as well. I was in shock, this was out of nowhere and I've been out with Jill a few times and she's always quite timid. My housemate never tried to diffuse the situation once, but defended her mate. My bf was gone all of 3 minutes, he was only moving the car to be polite. I told him what had happened when he handed back the keys and he told my housemate off, how that was just a bizarre reaction unfair etc. My housemate says well it was joke...then changes her story to well in fairness she couldn't see her car..
It was just a really strange situation and I'm still in shock over it. After my bf left I went to my room and didn't want to come out, as I didn't want to face the girl after she had spoken to me and about my bf that way. I'm ragin at my housemate as we would go out as friends outside the house. I don't know how to confront her, as right now I'm so angry all I'd be doing in shouting. I really think I'm owed an apology or more so my boyfriend! I know if one of my friends behaved this way toward my housemates and I allowed it id be given my marching orders! Should I say nothing or just make it clear I don't ever want to see Jill again. It mightn't sound like a huge deal but the guards were nearly called and i feel its a huge disrespect to my boyfriend and myself! I'd be quite close with everyone in the house, so don't want to cause a row either. Sorry if it's a bit jumbled!

Mikros

Story is a bit jumbled but is it possible Jill didn't realise your boyfriend was actually moving the car, looked out and had a bit of a freak out when she didn't see her car? If it is as you said out of character for her - I would be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt and maybe put it down to crossed wires on everyone's behalf. I'm not sure it's worth making a big deal over it myself unless there is more too it - certainly making it clear "you never want to see Jill" again is likely to result in a much bigger dispute with your house mate.

mkhall

Mikros wrote: »

Story is a bit jumbled but is it possible Jill didn't realise your boyfriend was actually moving the car, looked out and had a bit of a freak out when she didn't see her car? If it is as you said out of character for her - I would be inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt and maybe put it down to crossed wires on everyone's behalf. I'm not sure it's worth making a big deal over it myself unless there is more too it - certainly making it clear "you never want to see Jill" again is likely to result in a much bigger dispute with your house mate.

Sorry if it's a bit jumbled. I asked Jill to move her own car. She said no, can you move it and handed me her keys. I told her it would be easier if she moved it, as he'd have to move both cars out of the driveway. She said she didn't care if he had to park it on the street. Then she asked did boyfriend ever drive a car as expensive as hers? Then she started freaking out, I told her he was in process of moving it. It was really strange I'm just as confused as you are!

Holsten

Jill sounds like a complete head wrecker, very weird.

I'd forget about and move on.

dixiefly

Holsten wrote: »

Jill sounds like a complete head wrecker, very weird.

I'd forget about and move on.

I would leave it at this stage and dont mention it to housemate unless she brings it up. If it was me I think that I would chalk it down as a once off experience and mentally note Jill as an idiot and I would generally maintain the minimum of contact with her.

Shrap

mkhall wrote: »

She said she didn't care if he had to park it on the street. Then she asked did boyfriend ever drive a car as expensive as hers? Then she started freaking out, I told her he was in process of moving it. It was really strange I'm just as confused as you are!

This. Here's where Jill clearly had a brain-storm and went from being happy enough that your bf was moving the car to thinking he was going to take it for a joy-ride or hold up a garage with it or something. Seems like Jill has ideas about your bf's trustworthiness that reared their ugly heads straight after she realised she had trusted him with her "expensive" car.

I think the least that's going to happen here is that you can't any more trust Jill's opinion of your bf or you, if she thinks she can just act like she was joking after that. I doubt if you'll get the apology you both deserve though - she sounds like a bit of a snob. I do personally think you should be honest with your housemate and say that you're still fuming about the situation - I'd find that one very difficult to pretend didn't happen.

dellas1979

Its very simple OP.

Id simply ask Jill directly (not the housemate) why she was of the opinion that your bf was going to steal her car.

Rubberchikken

Either this jill thinks her behaviour is funny or else she's just a girl who'll do anything for a bit of notice.

Ignore it. It's hard to be bothered by people like that.

mkhall

Thanks everyone for the replies. I don't think ill see much of Jill again anyway as I don't think she's all that close with my housemate. My housemate has confided in me that Jill is going through a difficult time, not a legit reason to treat someone like a bitch though. It's been hard for me not to snap at my housemate this evening. It's her that I'm upset with, we all need to take responsibility for our own guests. I suppose I'll wait Til I cool off n explain to housemate that I'm upset in a few days. It is definitely hard for me to pretend that this isn't bothering me so unfortunately that's not an option.
Shrap yes you're right, she looks down on my boyfriend because he's a Dub. We had a house dinner a few nights bsck and bf said it was clearly obvious she kept looking him up and down with dirty looks. They are from the country..,She knew who my bf was before and she shouldn't have asked him to move it if she thinks he's such a scumbag", fyi he's not at all, has a lovely home and great job. Myself and my bf are annoyed because she demanded we move the car and when's said no i got a cold stare and why? So easier just avoid confrontation. Never did I ever think I'd be walking right into it.

Shrap

If it's any consolation I reckon Jill herself will be mortified at letting the veneer slip in such a weird way that night. Housemate/friend of Jill's probably spends a lot of time covering for her at the mo if that's how she behaves sometimes. Sounds like a very high-maintenance friend to have, and I'd say you will be seeing a lot less of her.

About your housemate though - I know she messed up by not holding Jill back or pulling her up on any of it, but perhaps her prior knowledge of whatever Jill is going through means that she doesn't feel able to take a stand against her? You should probably tell her it really bothered you and then forgive her for being dumb about Jill.

e.r

If Jill's car was that 'expensive' why is she house sharing, sounds like a head melt

Don Kedick

I could be reading this wrong but was it meant to be a bit of a laugh and it just went badly wrong? Were they on any funny stuff?

deise08

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
I was watching judge Judy earlier and a similar case was on it. The difference was, the car owner was accusing the person who moved the car of damaging it. if there is ever a situation like that again just tell the person that it belongs to them and you don't feel comfortable.
This housemates friend has shown her true colours regarding how she sees ye.

mountsky

mkhall wrote: »

<Mod Snip: Unnecessary duplicate text>

I wouldnt bother to give her the time of that after that performance,bang out of order,she sounds a bit 'crazy'

allym

Jill just sounds like an attention seeker, making a drama out of nothing.

I know you're annoyed with your housemate, but honestly I'd let it go. It's not worth potentially falling out over, and at the end of the day she's not responsible for someone else's behaviour.

mkhall

Don Kedick wrote: »

I could be reading this wrong but was it meant to be a bit of a laugh and it just went badly wrong? Were they on any funny stuff?

Don I conpletely know what you mean. Story is hard enough to tell bc it was a really strange reaction. It's the way her friend was looking at me and I got kind of creeped out then like woah maybe she's on some meds so then agreed to get him to move it. She knew my bf before as she met him the house a few nights previous, I don't care what opinion she has of him, but she asked him and not asked pretty much demanded that he move her car...then gets up screams like an absolute psycho. I just was really looking for advice on what to say to my housemate. I don't care about Jill. I care that my housemate let her speak to me like that not once but 3 times. And yes to whoever said was it drugs...I actually genuinely did ask, it reminded me of someone on shrooms, very weird paranoid freak out. I'm more concerned about my housemate not jumping to my defence, we're all responsible for own guests. I don't want situation to worsen in house tho. My housemates boyfriend lives here as well and I could prob get easily ganged up on. As of now I've said nothing due to the fact the landlord was here and she's avoiding me. I'm not chasing her around the gaff

Chucky the tree

Not really sure why you are so angry with your housemate? What else do you expect her to do? At the time if she knew her mate was having a difficult time she probably felt by backing her up it was the best way to defuse the situation.

mkhall

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to me. I probably shouldn't have mentioned Jill having a hard time, it's just over her boyfriend constantly dumping her and her taking him back..something she perhaps brings upon herself. It's irrelevant to her reacting so over the top. I still do think that my housemate should have at least acknowledged that it happened. At the end of the day I would expect my guests to be treated with respect and do the same to her. Our other housemate had a few lads up one weekend and they were v loud and she demanded an apology from him. IMO this is a bit worse!! I think I'll let her keep avoidin me the next few days as I want to cool down but as we are friends outside the house and I do pay rent I feel I should not feel threatened in the house. I still can't decide whether to say I'm not happy about it, as someone else mentioned it's not an easy thing to just drop.

kylith

allym wrote: »

Jill just sounds like an attention seeker, making a drama out of nothing.

I know you're annoyed with your housemate, but honestly I'd let it go. It's not worth potentially falling out over, and at the end of the day she's not responsible for someone else's behaviour.

I second this. If you bring it up with your housemate again you will just look like you're harbouring a petty grudge. The only thing to do is to never do anything for Jill again. If she says you can move her car say "No, I'd hate to be accused of damaging/trying to steal it", if she asks you to put a plate in the sink say "No, I'd be afraid I'd drop it". Simply be polite to her and never, ever do anything for her ever again.

mkhall

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Not really sure why you are so angry with your housemate? What else do you expect her to do? At the time if she knew her mate was having a difficult time she probably felt by backing her up it was the best way to defuse the situation.

Chucky I'd expect her to tell her friend to calm down...and stop trying to call the guards, as there was no reason to and he was doing her a favor. The girl demanded he move her car and spoke terribly to me. I felt like I was set up or something I still am bothered by it. I see what you mean tho but she could still acknowledged it afterwards instead of running away from me in the house

Dixie Chick

She sounds like a horrible person , especially now you have mentioned about her previous snobbery towards him. I agree , your housemate should have intervened and not looked as if she was going to call the guards on Jills demand. I would need to question her on that, then move on. God how weird, people are weird

December2012

In my view you're making this into a bigger issue than it is.

Do nothing.

Can't you just pretend it didn't happen - it's not your housemates fault and it's unlikely you'll be socialising with Jill any time soon. And even if you are, just be polite.

It's nothing to do with your housemate, just calm down and let it blow over.

skallywag

mkhall wrote: »

..Jill said she had her shoes off so could I...

If Jill boxed your BF in then it's up to her to move her own car. Did she have a pair of ski boots on or something, i.e. how long does it take to put on a pair of shoes to move your own car? Especially seeing as she regards it as so precious why was she even contemplating let someone else move it?

LegacyUser

If your flatmate is asking for apologies off other flatmates for loud behaviour etc then I think you should definitely have a chat with her about her friends behaviour, and tell her you shouldn't feel threatened in the place you live in because of the actions of one of her friends. If you don't say anything then you are just going to hold a grudge against her.
Her friend sounds a bit unhinged, first of all she was too lazy to mover her own car out of the way and when your bf decides to do it so he can get his car out, she goes mental. The friend comes across as a bit crazy and a snob with a pre conceived opinion that your bf is a scumbag because he is from Dublin!

dixiefly

kylith wrote: »

I second this. If you bring it up with your housemate again you will just look like you're harbouring a petty grudge. The only thing to do is to never do anything for Jill again. If she says you can move her car say "No, I'd hate to be accused of damaging/trying to steal it", if she asks you to put a plate in the sink say "No, I'd be afraid I'd drop it". Simply be polite to her and never, ever do anything for her ever again.

This would be my thinking on it. You will get an opportunity to discuss in more detail with your housemate and she surely knows that she didnt come out of this smelling of roses.

Regarding, Jill, just switch completely away from her. She is who she is, not going to change so just deal with her when you really have to. At the same time i wouldnt give her the benefit of the doubt in future interactions as per the example from kylith. If she gets stroppy again be prepared to nail her (in a forceful but nice way) on it at the time.

dixiefly

Tabs101 wrote: »

If your flatmate is asking for apologies off other flatmates for loud behaviour etc then I think you should definitely have a chat with her about her friends behaviour, and tell her you shouldn't feel threatened in the place you live in because of the actions of one of her friends. If you don't say anything then you are just going to hold a grudge against her.
Her friend sounds a bit unhinged, first of all she was too lazy to mover her own car out of the way and when your bf decides to do it so he can get his car out, she goes mental. The friend comes across as a bit crazy and a snob with a pre conceived opinion that your bf is a scumbag because he is from Dublin!

You are right, what an idiot!

mkhall

e.r wrote: »

If Jill's car was that 'expensive' why is she house sharing, sounds like a head melt

Sorry I think I my story wasn't specific enough, Jill is a mate of my housemate. Not very close in fact but I've been out with her twice by association. I probably won't see her again, will ignore her if I do and pity her arrogance and stupidity. What I'm upset about is my housemate a) not acknowledging it even happened b) avoiding me and giving me the cold shoulder as if it's my fault c) not sticking up for me and allowing me to be treated that way d) actually questioning my boyfriends trustworthiness. I'll also add that I said it would be better if she moved it herself, and my bf heard her insisting so nicely offered. She also said move it onto the street if you have to. I wish I could follow your advice kylith, but do you mean I should respond that way to Jill or my housemate? Sorry to go around in circles, i just wanted to clarify my story so that I'm getting the best advice.

Big Bag of Chips

Leave your housemate out of it. Her getting involved at all was silly. This is between you, your bf and Jill. You are all adults and shouldn't need someone else coming in to fight your battles or sort out your disputes. I think your housemate is probably avoiding you because she feels awkward about the whole thing, rather than annoyed at you or thinking you are in the wrong.

At this point I'd just let it go and move on. Carry on as normal with your housemate and ignore what happened with Jill. There are idiots in the world. You can't fix them all... Or any of them!

Matteroffact

All you have to say is that you are not insured to drive someone else's car and if you were backing onto the street and an oncoming car crashed into you or anything happened her car then the insurance would not cover that with you driving it. I would not attempt to drive someone else's car unless I was on their insurance. If she values her car so much you would think she would know that. Jill obviously has no manners or class to behave like this and your flatmate should be apologizing to you for her guest's behaviour. You will most probably have to let this go as the incident is now over but just know that you were right here and Jill and your flatmate behaved obnoxiously.

dixiefly

mkhall wrote: »

Sorry I think I my story wasn't specific enough, Jill is a mate of my housemate. Not very close in fact but I've been out with her twice by association. I probably won't see her again, will ignore her if I do and pity her arrogance and stupidity. What I'm upset about is my housemate a) not acknowledging it even happened b) avoiding me and giving me the cold shoulder as if it's my fault c) not sticking up for me and allowing me to be treated that way d) actually questioning my boyfriends trustworthiness. I'll also add that I said it would be better if she moved it herself, and my bf heard her insisting so nicely offered. She also said move it onto the street if you have to. I wish I could follow your advice kylith, but do you mean I should respond that way to Jill or my housemate? Sorry to go around in circles, i just wanted to clarify my story so that I'm getting the best advice.

I am pretty sure that kylith was referring to your interactions with Jill, not the housemate.

Big Bag of Chips

Just one order thing, your housemate should maybe apologise for her own part.. If she went to call the guards for real rather than as joke. But she should not apologise for her friend. I think that's a pointless apology. If her friend isn't sorry, then your housemate apologising on her behalf is meaningless.

mkhall

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Just one order thing, your housemate should maybe apologise for her own part.. If she went to call the guards for real rather than as joke. But she should not apologise for her friend. I think that's a pointless apology. If her friend isn't sorry, then your housemate apologising on her behalf is meaningless.

Thanks for your reply, I feel as if she's responsible for the situation. I asked my housemate to move the car after Jill demanded I move hers the second time and she replied she wasn't doing it either. Upon reading some of your replies I'm starting to feel more like she was annoyed with my boyfriend always parking in the driveway and it was her way of teaching him a lesson. There is room for at least another car but one housemate doesn't leave enough space and when I initially moved in she asked me not to park near too close to her car as she was nervous of hitting it or there wasn't enough space, so it's a lose lose situation. I suppose my real dilemma is, sorry for not being clear in the outset, is that I'd be asked to move house over it if if my friends treated my housemates that way, can't see it ending well for me if I do confront her and can't be moving at Christmas. That said, I don't want this to happen again so I don't want to be a total push over either!

dixiefly

Why would you have to move OP? Does your housemate have her name on the lease?

MaroonAndGreen

You should really be dropping this OP. I cant see how bringing it up with your housemate or asking for an apology will help things in the long-run, all I can see that doing is adding strain to the relationship. It wasnt her fault that Jill is clearly a little unstable.

At the moment this feels big and you are offended, but in a few weeks you will realise its not really that big of a deal.

mkhall

Maroon it's hard to ignore. her and her boyfriend, whos my other housenate are now ignoring me in house. This is new, literally walking into kitchen walking back out as soon as they see me so I guess I'll have no choice but to say something as we cant live like that. Dixie no there is no lease but she and her bf have lived here longer and another guy was made leave over the summer. She told me she has an agreement with landlord and therefore the rest of the tenants have one with her...after I moved in. That said, I suppose I will say something now as I've no choice as I can't avoid them forever. I suppose they think I'm in the wrong or else they feel guilty. Thanks everyone for your advice!

LegacyUser

mkhall wrote: »

Maroon it's hard to ignore. her and her boyfriend, whos my other housenate are now ignoring me in house. This is new, literally walking into kitchen walking back out as soon as they see me so I guess I'll have no choice but to say something as we cant live like that. Dixie no there is no lease but she and her bf have lived here longer and another guy was made leave over the summer. She told me she has an agreement with landlord and therefore the rest of the tenants have one with her...after I moved in. That said, I suppose I will say something now as I've no choice as I can't avoid them forever. I suppose they think I'm in the wrong or else they feel guilty. Thanks everyone for your advice!

I wouldn't be happy with that set up at all, did you pay your deposit to her or to the landlord? Some people assume roles just because they have been there the longest but it looks to me like she is letting out rooms with out the landlord knowing who is in the house. Maybe you should be asking about this in accomodation forum, but I think you should have a lease with the landlord. Not some agreement with a randomer who has been renting there the longest. Are you all paying the same rent? Is the landlord registered with thee PRTB?

mkhall

Tabs101 wrote: »

I wouldn't be happy with that set up at all, did you pay your deposit to her or to the landlord? Some people assume roles just because they have been there the longest but it looks to me like she is letting out rooms with out the landlord knowing who is in the house. Maybe you should be asking about this in accomodation forum, but I think you should have a lease with the landlord. Not some agreement with a randomer who has been renting there the longest. Are you all paying the same rent? Is the landlord registered with thee PRTB?

Tabs they aren't registered with prtb. I think landlord thinks the two of them look after the house and so if they're happy then they'll get the most out of renting. I think she just assumed this role herself. She's said to me that they have a contract with the landlord and we have a contract with them. None of this discussed before I moved in but was under pressure as coming by rooms isn't as easy as it used to be. The reason im worried is because a guy got into it with her a few weeks after I moved in and ending up having to move out. Otherwise I'd just say it. I really appreciate all the advice here, I'll obvuousky have to say something I just need to go about it diplomatically. Thanks to the advice I didn't lose the head with her!

December2012

Why do you have to say something? This may be one of those things that needs a bit of time to pass. It has only been 4 days.

mkhall

December2012 wrote: »

Why do you have to say something? This may be one of those things that needs a bit of time to pass. It has only been 4 days.

Believe me I don't want to, but the way I was spoken to by her mate was shocking and my housemate refused to move Jill's car as well. It was very much move it or be boxed in. It feels like it was a set up. If I say nothing I think I'll be setting myself up to be walked over. Again, if this was done on her i would be straight out on the street! I am not boiling over it but am still upset, so I think I'll wait a few days as it has done some good! This thread has probably run its course. I will say something but happy I took on board the advice here and didn't blow up and risk having to move. I'll post an update if thread isn't closed. Thanks again!

dixiefly

You mention that the 3rd housemate is the other housemate's boyfriend. To be honest, the fact that both are now ignoring you over this speaks volumes for the dynamic and your relationdhip in the house overal. If he had anything in him he would be trying to build bridges.

If doesn't sound like a healthy environment for you and I think you should look for an alternative place to stay.

mkhall

dixiefly wrote: »

You mention that the 3rd housemate is the other housemate's boyfriend. To be honest, the fact that both are now ignoring you over this speaks volumes for the dynamic and your relationdhip in the house overal. If he had anything in him he would be trying to build bridges.

If doesn't sound like a healthy environment for you and I think you should look for an alternative place to stay.

Thank you Dixiefly, I will have to stick it out until at least JanuAry as I'll be travelling abroad at Christmas, have exams and my thesis due and have just started in a new job. Definitely awkward. And totally unfair.

tinz18

To be honest, if they're that easy to fall out with I'd get out of there. Wait til after Christmas to get out but sounds more like you're being treated as if you're in an owner-occupier situation rather than a house-share which is BS since they're tenants just like you. I've encountered that mentality before and it's incredibly hard to treat the place as a home when you have someone else calling all the shots.
In house-shares everyone is responsible for the actions of the friends they bring in, if they act like that towards another tenant then they should not be invited over again. There's no excuse for an adult to behave like that, whether they are going through a bad time or not- its childish to lash out at others.

LegacyUser

mkhall wrote: »

Tabs they aren't registered with prtb. I think landlord thinks the two of them look after the house and so if they're happy then they'll get the most out of renting. I think she just assumed this role herself. She's said to me that they have a contract with the landlord and we have a contract with them. None of this discussed before I moved in but was under pressure as coming by rooms isn't as easy as it used to be. The reason im worried is because a guy got into it with her a few weeks after I moved in and ending up having to move out. Otherwise I'd just say it. I really appreciate all the advice here, I'll obvuousky have to say something I just need to go about it diplomatically. Thanks to the advice I didn't lose the head with her!

Thats crazy! who do you pay your rent to? To be honest with you the whole set up sounds dodge, I just hope you get your deposit back when you do decide to move out, the whole situation sounds toxic and not a nice one to live in! I wouldn't be happy renting somewhere that I have no contact with the landlord.

mkhall

Tabs101 wrote: »

Thats crazy! who do you pay your rent to? To be honest with you the whole set up sounds dodge, I just hope you get your deposit back when you do decide to move out, the whole situation sounds toxic and not a nice one to live in! I wouldn't be happy renting somewhere that I have no contact with the landlord.

Well after complete awkwardness all week I finally have an answer. Her fella, also other housemate, had a chat with me. I might have mentioned we had an early Xmas party last weekend where Jill was also present. It was a bit last minute and tbh I wasn't really keen on having it. None of my friends could come so it was mainly my housemates friends. Was uncomfortable so kept drinking, well beyond my limit bc I did black out and didn't remember anything. Was v horrified when I woke up as was not able to remember anything but talked to two other housemates and they kind of laughed out it off and slagged me.
Fast forward to yesterday and housemates fella said he wanted to chat to me about it. That I was rude to their guests. Asked what I said he said he didn't know as he was in bed and it was only my housemate and her friends. I was really upset, as it's not in my character but I apologised and offered to apologise to other guests. Again, he couldn't tell me what I said to who etc. I feel terrible.
I mentioned the thing about Jill and he said that I should not pay attention to anything she says as she's very ill, well I had guessed that. I told him that's no excuse for my housemate. If they knew she was mentally ill, my housemate should have intervened or offered to move Jills car rather than refuse to move it full stop. Housemates fella said I think Jill got confused that my bf was pulling her car back into driveway, eventhough I explained this to her? I'm more annoyed now because my housemate sent her boyfriend down to have a chat with me rather than confront it herself. The blame is being shifted to me now over a conpletely separate issue. Say Jill is mentally ill ok that's sad it's not her I'm upset with its my housemate. She had responsibility for setting this IMO. I'd love to just put it behind me but you could still cut the atmosphere in the house with a knife and she's not talking to me.i can't move until end of January, and I don't know how act so as not to make things worse. My boyfriend doesn't want to come over now as well, and he still lives with his parents so it's putting a strain on things as well. Thanks for reading!!

LegacyUser

There is a lot of bullsh*** going on here. First of all why would you believe or apologise to somebody who wasn't at the party!!!!!
If others at the party had a problem they should say it directly to your face and not go through other people i.e your other housemate (your mates bf) who was in bed.
I wouldn't believe a word that he says anymore, I'd say the two of them are ganging up on you in the hope you'll move out. If there are any other parties at the house ease up on the drink and just stop engaging with them. Don't apoplogise anymore you have done nothing wrong, as for the crazy friend, I wouldn't believe a word they say about her. It's all third hand information and you's are going around in circles at this stage. Forget about everything at this stage and move on

ahnow

I think you're going to have to talk to her directly-your housemate that is. Ask her why she has been avoiding you and see what she says. If i were you I wouldnt be too quick to take on blame for the blacking out incident, this only seemed to become a problem after the incident with your boyfriend and the car. Stand your ground and be direct and assertive and just have a chat with her. To be honest I don't think you have much to lose at this rate, but January is a long time to be stuck there until.

tinz18

It sounds like that they're aware that you are peeved over the Jill incident and are pulling up the past in order to make you feel like you are in the wrong...its incredibly passive aggressive behaviour. I experienced something like this before in a house share and I found telling the offending party that I intended to move out helped to relieve the atmosphere somewhat.

Your housemates sound awful tbh like Jill was their friend they should have kept her in check regardless of her mental wellbeing. I've friends with psychiatric disorders and I would've died of embarrassment if they had behaved that way with a virtual stranger but they wouldn't because they don't have what's seems to be a sense of entitlement to treat someone badly and blame it on their illness.

I think as painful as it is you need to get all three of yerselves to sit down together and discuss what's going on. Its a lot harder for your housemate to be passive aggressive face to face with you. Lead off with apologizing for your behaviour and then point out that to date you have gotten no apologies for her behaviour just excuses and at least you've owned up to what you may or may not have done (it seems too convenient timing imo).

December2012

Ah look it all seems very dramatic doesn't it?

If you're weighing up behaviour, blacking out and getting aggressive / insulting is just as bad as what you're accusing Jill of. If you are holding your housemate responsible for Jill's behaviour (and I don't see how they could be) then they should also be responsible for your behaviour to their friends (again, they are not responsible for your behaviour either).

You have your part to play in this whole situation.

You're not the only one living there and probably not the only one with a busy time period over Christmas. If things were okay before then I still think that the best thing to do is to stop getting so offended and being so sensitive. You recently behaved inappropriately yourself - I'm sure you would prefer it if people just gave you the benefit of the doubt and let the memory slip away and didn't keep bringing it back up. It seems like your behaviour only came up because you kept bringing up Jill's behaviour.

I disagree that they are bringing up the past to make you feel you are in the wrong, but more to point out the double standard you are applying.

dixiefly

Is there any possibility that the housemate and boyfriend reckon that they could get a higher rent from a replacement housemate for the OP? Does it suit them to alternate the housemates so that their relative dominance of the house is maintained?

While I think you should move to get away from the atmosphere, do so only on your terms and make sure that you dont jump "from the frying pan into the fire".

It must be v difficult living in the house and not speaking to your housemate, I think I would use the conversation with the boyfriend as a starter to bringing up the issues with the housemate and try and get a clearing of the air before christmas. I dont think I would mention anything about leaving until you hve it sorted and are ready to move out / give notice.