Online Dating , how long till you meet up offline

Ava_e

Was reading the The Guardian the other day, they had a so called online dating expert writing for them and said "2 weeks is the longest you can go without meeting them in the flesh" . Seems a bit of a short time. What say you ?

ROAAAR

Hello, I'm from the internet .

I guess it's down to personal preference of both people involved. There's no definite answer.

Mr. Incognito

Hold on till i look it up in the handbook.

1 week hilarious jokes.

2 weeks riske inappropriate jokes and innuendo.

3 months dating

8 months, the talk. Family and friends.

2-3 years, the big move.

5/6 years. First baby, marriage.

10 years. The hate and split.

15 years, the bile, the mortgage, the children in the middle.

20 years, the new partner. Settling.

40 years. Death.

Enjoy your date!!! Its all ahead of you.

el tel

You have to meet when everyone is still hot for it. The best sex is had within 24-48 hours of first communication.

braddun

tinder


wham bam thank you mam

Mr. Incognito

braddun wrote: »

tinder


wham bam thank you mam

Yeah its brilliant. I got eight STIs off tinder birds in six months. One more and i get a free coffee.

biko

Yes, the Guardian "expert" is right - there is a manual to online dating that everyone must follow.

As soon as possible.

There is nothing worse than you spend a long time chatting to someone and then meet to find that their online persona doesn't match who they are in person at all.

Talib Fiasco

Ask for the number as soon as you talk to them. Then arrange a date within the first few texts. That'll cut all the bullsh*t out. It's a numbers game. So overall I'd say a week is the maximum given people can be busy weekdays.

Gillo

It really depends on how comfortable the two of you feel. My fastest was eight hours no idea what the longest was before I met someone.

PizzamanIRL

How long is a piece of string?

Ha! Look at me being a prick giving a prick-like answer.

Beefy78

As soon as possible.

Sheep Lover

Whenever you feel the need to be clubbed over the head, riddled and then buried in a nearby woods.

The One Doctor

Sheep Lover wrote: »

Whenever you feel the need to be clubbed over the head, riddled and then buried in a nearby woods.

Is that how you treat your sheep?

Sheep Lover

The One Doctor wrote: »

Is that how you treat your sheep?

My sheep doesn't have access to the internet, thank fcuk

Sephiroth_dude

The quicker the better

Penny Tration

It depends on the person.

Some people are more comfortable waiting a few weeks or even longer.

I used to do that, but stopped because it raises expectations too much.

Before I got together with my OH, if a date wasn't arranged within a maximum of a week, I'd move on.

mountsky

The whole thing is just Vulgar frankly,uggggh so seedy,its a true indictment of one's character if that's the measure one is reduced to

Penny Tration

mountsky wrote: »

The whole thing is just Vulgar frankly,uggggh so seedy,its a true indictment of one's character if that's the measure one is reduced to

I've never had sex with someone I met online. Am I still vulgar and seedy?

Venus In Furs

I know there isn't usually a one-size-fits-all approach to dating/relationships but for this particular aspect, I would say there could be: the longer you leave it, the more an "idea" of the person builds up in your head - particularly if you're really liking them.
Online you can present the best of yourself, you can take time to think up really great answers - you can put yourself across as absolutely perfect really. And the more you know about what makes the other person tick, the more you can zone in on those things. And it's not necessarily accompanied by malicious intent - most people want to put themselves across in their best light if they really like the other person.

But to prevent that building up to the point that you/the other person are/is not being honest, the earlier the better.

kowloon

'Strike while the iron is hot' is the rule when it comes to branding strangers you've abducted after an internet arranged meetup.

Filmer Paradise

Did Internet dating 10+ years ago.

First few dates I got, I'd been in contact with for a few months.

Later on, as I got better at it, I could get dates within days of first contact.

Towards the end of it, I had weekends where I had 2 dates.

The more you meet, the better chance of meeting the right one.

And I did.:)

KungPao

If you're doing a good bit of back and forth and the chat is going well, then yeah, two weeks seems about right to ask to meet up.

The golden rule though, is: Always, in the first few messages, send her a photo of your erect penis. She'll think it's hot and want you bad.

mountsky

Jingle_Balls wrote: »

I've never had sex with someone I met online. Am I still vulgar and seedy?

Nop,you're the exception,how's that

Filmer Paradise

Jingle_Balls wrote: »

I've never had sex with someone I met online. Am I still vulgar and seedy?

mountsky wrote: »

Nop,you're the exception,how's that

It wasn't what I was after. TBH, I just wanted to meet someone to marry & have kids with. To have a future to look forward to.

Mind you, it turned out a bit differently for me a lot of the time. God, girls can be so trusting sometimes.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I've only met one person from the Internet and that wasn't even supposed to be a date. We were chatting from may and met up in October. I wouldnt be into meeting complete strangers

braddun

it depends if your a good stalker

_Whimsical_

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I've only met one person from the Internet and that wasn't even supposed to be a date. We were chatting from may and met up in October. I wouldnt be into meeting complete strangers

I agree. I'd much rather have a solid sense of someone before I'd meet them. Showing up to meet strangers based on their photo and some old patter that they give everyone wouldn't appeal at all.

Beefy78

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I agree. I'd much rather have a solid sense of someone before I'd meet them. Showing up to meet strangers based on their photo and some old patter that they give everyone wouldn't appeal at all.

Trouble is that after the first couple of times that you have invested two months getting to know someone only to realise that there's no spark when you meet in person you realise what a waste of time that was.

You're far better off bringing the date forward to be as soon as possible, IMO.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Is it not a bit desperate though? Going out with the sole intention of getting into a relationship with a stranger? I don't know much about relationships but the one I'm in now, I was friends with him for years before we took it further and this year I was in a brief relationship with my housemate, again we'd been friends first and got closer, so it seems to happen more naturally when you're not looking for anything.

Beefy78

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Is it not a bit desperate though? Going out with the sole intention of getting into a relationship with a stranger? I don't know much about relationships but the one I'm in now, I was friends with him for years before we took it further and this year I was in a brief relationship with my housemate, again we'd been friends first and got closer, so it seems to happen more naturally when you're not looking for anything.

If that is the label that you want to apply to it.

Tbh I've met up with maybe 16 or 17 women from online dating. Some have been good experiences. Some have been less good but at the end of the day it is a drink, a chat and if there's nothing there you move on with your life.

It is great that for you in your situation you haven't felt the need to try online dating. Other people are not in the same situation and from the looks of the likes of tinder and POF if it is desperation then there's a huge number of desperate people out there.

The Moldy Gowl

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Is it not a bit desperate though? Going out with the sole intention of getting into a relationship with a stranger? I don't know much about relationships but the one I'm in now, I was friends with him for years before we took it further and this year I was in a brief relationship with my housemate, again we'd been friends first and got closer, so it seems to happen more naturally when you're not looking for anything.

It's all well and good when things fall nicely like that. People want to be loved and give love, it's not desperate at all. It's nice having a girlfriend or whatever.

Jump down before you give yourself a nosebleed.

Venus In Furs

It's just another way of meeting people. It's true that they're a stranger, but the meet-up tends to be in a busy area.

mountsky

Filmer Paradise wrote: »

It wasn't what I was after. TBH, I just wanted to meet someone to marry & have kids with. To have a future to look forward to.

Mind you, it turned out a bit differently for me a lot of the time. God, girls can be so trusting sometimes.

Really,what happened?Come,on tell all go for it champ!

Filmer Paradise

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Is it not a bit desperate though? Going out with the sole intention of getting into a relationship with a stranger? I don't know much about relationships but the one I'm in now, I was friends with him for years before we took it further and this year I was in a brief relationship with my housemate, again we'd been friends first and got closer, so it seems to happen more naturally when you're not looking for anything.

Depends on your situation.

Mine was being in my '30s in a rural village.

No flow of young single people into my area.

If your'e in Dublin, Cork, etc, there's a steady line of young singles coming in. For Education, work, opertunities.

Where do they come from? Areas like mine, that's where.

No wonder to it really.

_Whimsical_

I don't think it's for desperados at all now, it's great that there's a way to meet people that aren't in your circle who you might never come across in your day to day life. I just can't quite imagine having a real spark with a person I've never met before who I'd be trying to impress, or who'd be on guard trying to impress me. Like Lexie I just prefer getting to know someone gently over time. Maybe it's because I'm naturally shy myself, I don't think I'd dazzle on meeting no.1 !

Venus In Furs

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I don't think it's for desperados at all now, it's great that there's a way to meet people that aren't in your circle who you might never come across in your day to day life. I just can't quite imagine having a real spark with a person I've never met before who I'd be trying to impress, or who'd be on guard trying to impress me. Like Lexie I just prefer getting to know someone gently over time. Maybe it's because I'm naturally shy myself

That's totally fair enough - it is quite daunting. Dating does have the objective of meeting someone long-term, but nobody should assume it's a definite. An individual date certainly shouldn't have such a lofty objective - early on at least. It's more a case of meeting, seeing how things go, and taking it gradually from there (if that's the direction it goes in; of course it often won't).

Filmer Paradise

mountsky wrote: »

Really,what happened?Come,on tell all go for it champ!

I know you're taking the piss, but for the benefit of other posters, I'll answer this.

Online dating is a good thing if your'e suited to it.

At the outset, I decided to be totally honest about myself & how I was situated.

As a bloke in my early '30s, my target market was girls in their late '20s/early '30s.

Be normal, honest & spell well. Spelling is very important if you want someone educated.

Be cute. Always have a few drinks with your date ( if your interseted in her).

Gets things going & after a couple of pints use the line 'I'll have to head home cos if I have another I'll be over the limit'. Chances are that she'll offer you to stay the night.

This can backfire though. You can end up sleeping in your car or driving home drunk.

Filmer Paradise

mountsky wrote: »

Really,what happened?Come,on tell all go for it champ!

Oh, how did it all turn out?

Well after dozens of dates & a voyage of education & self discovery.

Yes I did meet a brilliant girl.

I'm now in my mid '40s, happily married with a couple of kids & the potential in life to look forward to as a result.

mountsky

There's being so much coverage about this lately which I think is just great as it makes people wary.Sadly,the reality is that people are genuinely only on the dating websites to get one thing (a sxxg).

mountsky

Filmer Paradise wrote: »

I know you're taking the piss, but for the benefit of other posters, I'll answer this.

Online dating is a good thing if your'e suited to it.

At the outset, I decided to be totally honest about myself & how I was situated.

As a bloke in my early '30s, my target market was girls in their late '20s/early '30s.

Be normal, honest & spell well. Spelling is very important if you want someone educated.

Be cute. Always have a few drinks with your date ( if your interseted in her).

Gets things going & after a couple of pints use the line 'I'll have to head home cos if I have another I'll be over the limit'. Chances are that she'll offer you to stay the night.

This can backfire though. You can end up sleeping in your car or driving home drunk.

Not all taking the pxxs,genuinely interested.I met an online date a good while back&to put it mildly,shock horror,the most vile excuse of a person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.That was the beginning and the end of the ah,online dating game!

Filmer Paradise

mountsky wrote: »

Not all taking the pxxs,genuinely interested.I met an online date a good while back&to put it mildly,shock horror,the most vile excuse of a person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.That was the beginning and the end of the ah,online dating game!

Well, as I said before, I was doing this over 10 years ago.

I had a fair idea of what I wanted & after a shaky start I discovered that online dating was the way for me.

I can't emphasise enough how good it can be if you go about it the right way.

As happy as I am right now, sometimes part of me pines for the freedom, adventure & sence of hope I had back then.

Having said that, I wouldn't turn the clock back for any money.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Sorry guys didn't mean it to sound so harsh, don't see anything wrong with online dating at all but was just saying when you're actively looking for a girlfriend, sifting through people with just that agenda, it's actually harder?

from little acorns

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Sorry guys didn't mean it to sound so harsh, don't see anything wrong with online dating at all but was just saying when you're actively looking for a girlfriend, sifting through people with just that agenda, it's actually harder?

I don't think so.

I'd quite like to get into a relationship. I don't necessarily want marriage, but I'd like to have children in the future - and at my stage in life, I don't want to waste years with a man who never wants to be a father. I have other dealbreakers too, e.g. I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with a religious person. And - call me shallow - but ideally I'd prefer to date someone with a job; I think it would be quite tedious trying to arrange cheap/free dates all the time in the early months.

Using online dating sites, I can filter my results to exclude unemployed men, religious men, and men who never want children. These are just examples, there are many other filters.

Sure, I might randomly happen to meet a man I'm attracted to on a night out. But it might take weeks before we'd be ready to talk about some of the major dealbreaker issues - e.g. I'm unlikely to ask them about kids anytime in the first few weeks/even months! Say if he didn't ever want any, we've both just wasted a lot of each others time.

Also, there's no guesswork involved. I find dates arranged online to be quite relaxed and fun - you both know you're attracted to each other (or you wouldn't have arranged to meet), so both parties tend to be quite flirty and forward from the start. If the attraction that was there online doesn't happen when you're both there in real life, it usually becomes apparent very quickly.

I'm not ruling out meeting the man I want to spend my life with through "traditional" dating. If it happens that way, fine, I'm keeping my options open.

It's kind of like looking for a new job. I could be old-school about it; put the word out amongst friends and family that I'm on the look-out, hope that the right job falls into my lap through chance or through prior contacts or whatever. And if it happens that way, great ... BUT, in the meantime, I'll keep an eye on the irishjobs website - why limit my options?

Similarly I've been on dates arranged online with men who otherwise would probably never have crossed my path in life. I've made some brilliant friends, and had some great experiences. It's refreshing and exciting. Who knows, I might or might not end up meeting the right man - I'm not too worried about that really - but in the meantime, I'm just enjoying the new people and new experiences.

strobe

mountsky wrote: »

There's being so much coverage about this lately which I think is just great as it makes people wary.Sadly,the reality is that people are genuinely only on the dating websites to get one thing (a sxxg).

People have been saying the same about the traditional dating scene for quite a while to be fair. "All the men out there are only after one thing" is a sentence that long predates Internet dating, and indeed the internet it's self. It was self evidently untrue then, as it is now, or their would be no relationships. Any thread on online dating, or 'how did you meet your partner?' or anything like that is always full of accounts of people that met their bf/gf/husband/wife through online dating.

I get how frustrating it must be for people, when they're seeking a relationship, rather than just a bit if fun, and it's not happening for them, but despite the saying, hating the game isn't gonna help matters.

Beefy78

mountsky wrote: »

There's being so much coverage about this lately which I think is just great as it makes people wary.Sadly,the reality is that people are genuinely only on the dating websites to get one thing (a sxxg).

mountsky wrote: »

Not all taking the pxxs,genuinely interested.I met an online date a good while back&to put it mildly,shock horror,the most vile excuse of a person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.That was the beginning and the end of the ah,online dating game!

You had a bad experience with one person. Please don't tar everyone else with the same brush.

jezzer

well obviously who they say they are and what they are like in real life arent going to be the same so you might as well meet and get the shock over with asap

Potatoeman

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Is it not a bit desperate though? Going out with the sole intention of getting into a relationship with a stranger? I don't know much about relationships but the one I'm in now, I was friends with him for years before we took it further and this year I was in a brief relationship with my housemate, again we'd been friends first and got closer, so it seems to happen more naturally when you're not looking for anything.

Is it any different from meetimg someone in the pub?

starlit

Beefy78 wrote: »

Trouble is that after the first couple of times that you have invested two months getting to know someone only to realise that there's no spark when you meet in person you realise what a waste of time that was.

You're far better off bringing the date forward to be as soon as possible, IMO.

Well to be honest you have a choice, just be friends or more? you make a friend at least if there is no spark...but it is all in the interaction/kiss too. Sometimes meeting sooner can help see if its platonic or more and cuts all the game playing and either keep in contact or not but sometimes people need a bit more time to trust and get to know someone before they meet them whether a spark happens or not. If no spark its not going to go much further. If there is maybe a kiss but if that doesn't spark anything else then....friends? A certain chemistry and connection is important for things to go beyond friendship not just gel well and share similar humour and interests. Compatibility and mutual interest goes a long way.