Introducing me to people

LegacyUser

Hey,

This is something I've been thinking about for awhile and would just like some other people's opinion on this before I bring it up with my boyfriend.

I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months at this stage however whenever we're together and he meets certain people, he looks at me awkwardly (nearly as if I'm some stranger) and never introduces us. He will mention after "Oh I always forget to introduce you to people".

At first I didn't pass much remarks but I've noticed that these people that he fails to introduce me to are great friends of his ex.

I guess what I'm wondering is this something that others might bring up with their partners or am I being ridiculous? Their relationship ended 3 or 4 years ago.

Mr. Incognito

If he doesnt introduce you simply say, Hi, Im x, ys girlfriend.

Do that once or twice to put manners on him.

Id hes like me he may not remember their names. I would recognise my exes mates to say hi to but names, not a clue hense if you introduced yourself you might actually be doing him a favour

tinkerbell

^ This. I've actually had this happen before where I might run into someone who I don't know that well and hubby is with me and either my mind goes blank and I can't remember the person's name or I think I know their name but am not 100% sure if that is their name - it'd be mortifying if I got their name wrong when introducing hubby! Say it to him and find out - it might just be as innocent as that.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

That's the thing however he does know their names and will chat away for ages with them. It's a silly thing to be thinking about anyway!

CaraMay

It's not silly. He is being very rude towards you.

dixiefly

If he knows their names and is spending time chatting to them then , yes he is being rude.

P. Breathnach

Consider the possibility of walking on and letting him chase after you. If he has to do it more than twice, give him his walking papers. If he doesn't follow you, give him his walking papers immediately.

GAAman

Yep, I'm gonna post a dissenting view. Maybe he doesn't want his ex knowing anything about his life now including you as they are not a part of his life for a reason

Saralee4

It sounds like when he interacts with exes friends, he's still thinking about what they are going to tell her about it.

It could be just that he feels awkward and feels like they will think he's bragging about you so they will tell the ex and he doesnt want them to think that.

Whatever the reason, he is not thinking about you and when you meet those people, he should be united with you and want to introduce you and not be worried bout whay ex and co think.

Penny Tration

I wouldn't introduce myself.

I'd ask him straight out why he refuses to introduce me to certain people. I would also refuse to accept 'ah, i forgot' as an excuse.

Either he's with you or he's not. If he's so hung up on his ex that he refuses to let her friends know he's with you, then he's not worth your time.

liz lemoncello

Saralee4 wrote: »

...
It could be just that he feels awkward and feels like they will think he's bragging about you so they will tell the ex and he doesnt want them to think that.

....

But they could tell the ex about his not introducing "this new girl" he was with. This is exactly what happened with me and an ex. On more than one occasion my sister ran into him out with a woman who just stood there while he chatted with my sis and her boyfriend. My sister only mentioned running into him to me because of his strange behaviour. I told her that he had always done the same with me and I would just introduce myself.

He is now married to one of these (nameless) women.

OP, the next time it happens I would introduce myself to these friends and then tell your boyfriend after that you think his lack of manner in this situation is strange.

December2012

What happens when you meet sone one who is not a friend of his ex? Eg if you meet one of his friends or a relation?

Oink

If it's a short hello howya hodbye conversation, no problem. If you're supposed to stand there and look pretty until he's finished, it's rude, and he'd want to snap out of it. His ex-girlfriend is not your problem, and it shouldnt be his either btw.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies.

He'll introduce me to others no problem so that's why I thought it was a bit strange and maybe something I was just over thinking. If it was something as simple as walking past and acknowledging someone I'd have no issue with that but he'll stop and chat and stare at me oddly as if I'm some stranger just listening in.

I'm going to wait until it happens again and then say it after as it is a fairly regular thing.

pookie82

needanopinion wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies.

He'll introduce me to others no problem so that's why I thought it was a bit strange and maybe something I was just over thinking. If it was something as simple as walking past and acknowledging someone I'd have no issue with that but he'll stop and chat and stare at me oddly as if I'm some stranger just listening in.

I'm going to wait until it happens again and then say it after as it is a fairly regular thing.

That sounds utterly bizarre and extremely rude if I'm honest. Nothing irks me more than a guy who will put the potential hard feelings/hurt of an ex before the feelings of his new girlfriend.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to bring it up with him at all, particularly when there's such a clear difference between meeting friends of an ex and friends in general. Tell him that you expect to be treated with common respect no matter who he runs into while with you, and that if he's concerned about hiding your relationship around people she knows, you will naturally question who's more important to him ... her or you?

I'd be pretty miffed that any feedback she may or may not be getting from mutual friends is that "he always has this girl with him but never acts like he wants her there". That's horrible.

kylith

The only reason I can see that he wouldn't introduce you to people who know his ex is that he doesn't want his ex to know that he is seeing you. If I were you I'd tell him to cop himself on, or the next time he doesn't introduce you to someone properly you're going to keep walking and never look back.

maria34

lets say you are just friend (just making it up now) and you are walking with your friend and he meets someone he knows, its good manners to introduce you to these friends is it not? or i am too old fashioned? well these were the manners years ago, maybe im getting old. its just once you are introduced you can take part of conversation aswell.

my partner knows loads of people i dont know and he always introduces me to these people. to be honest i cant remember their names but at least its good manners and i can talk with them aswell.