Digs about being single and childless

becbec78

Hi there :-)

I was wondering if anyone else has been in the same situation as I have? I am 35 and single. most of my friends are married with children. My two remaining non-married friends are in relationships. This all means that I have a very limited social life as none of them go out any more. If they do go out, the conversation revolves around children. Don't get me wrong, I love the kiddies, but I just don't like hearing about them on my few nights out.

The worst thing is the digs I get at being single and childless. A lot of comments have been made to me about how you don't know what love is until you've had a child, and if you cant have one or you don't have a man you're useless.
I was wondering if anyone else has had this sort of thing said to them?

Don Kedick

Do you want a child? Do you want to get married? Your answers to those questions is the only thing that matters, not what other people think.
It's the done thing to be shacked up and have a few babas by your mid 30's. Have you ever noticed how much older women look after having children? That's because of stress and strain, it's doesn't age all women but it does to a high percentage. Getting married is not all its cracked up to be either. It might be ok for the first year or two but eventually people get fed up of eachother, look at the divorce rate!
So just choose whatever makes you happy, no point being pressured into something and regreting it later. That's probably happened with some of the women who've had digs at you. They're probably jealous of your freedom. So enjoy it and if ever you find someone you do want to spend the rest of your life with then great but until then don't worry about it.

Ave Sodalis

Yup. I was one of those girls through primary and secondary school who never got any attention from guys. A fact one of my "friends" liked to point out in various ways. I didn't say anything because if I called her out on everything she did, I wouldn't be able to say anything else. She was a bully and that was that so I kept quiet. It chipped away at and eroded my confidence and self esteem to just about nothing and I'm still suffering the consequences.

I would say something. It doesn't have to be defensive or aggressive. Just sit them down and tell them that you've noticed a few comments being made and you would appreciate if they were stopped as it's unhelpful and hurtful. Maybe they don't realise so I would give them the benefit of the doubt and point it out to them. If that doesn't work, they aren't very good friends and I would be finding a new group.

I don't think putting down married people or people with children is particularly useful - people find happiness in different ways and putting down those who are different seems to be the problem in the first place.

All I can think to suggest OP is to expand your social circle a bit and find other people who are single and have no kids, maybe you'll have plenty in common.
And if anyone does make any direct digs about how you must be miserable and alone, point out to them that that's pretty rude and you're happy in your life, I am assuming you are

rebelchick2

Have people actually said these things to you because they would not be friends! Could it be that you are concerned about these issues yourself and comments are being misconstrued?

becbec78

Hi Don,

Thanks for the advice. Yes I would like to get married and have kiddies some day, I know I just have to pull the finger out and do it :-). It's just the digs have been happening for a few years now, and it's a bit like water torture-drip by drip it has gotten to me. I am not being paranoid either unfortunately, for example I did Route 66 this year solo. The husbands and partners were all amazed ans delighted I did it, but some of the wives were making digs that it wasn't any good because I wasn't with a man, or it wasn't a family holiday. I was really wondering was it just my experience or has anyone else had this crap said to them too?

becbec78

Thanks for the advice. Yes I would like to get married and have kiddies some day, I know I just have to pull the finger out and do it :-). It's just the digs have been happening for a few years now, and it's a bit like water torture-drip by drip it has gotten to me. I am not being paranoid either unfortunately, for example I did Route 66 this year solo. The husbands and partners were all amazed ans delighted I did it, but some of the wives were making digs that it wasn't any good because I wasn't with a man, or it wasn't a family holiday. I was really wondering was it just my experience or has anyone else had this crap said to them too?

becbec78

I wasn't putting down married people in any way shape or form by the way! I don't know where you got that from.

becbec78

becbec78 wrote: »

I wasn't putting down married people in any way shape or form by the way! I don't know where you got that from.

I meant that at Don, sorry, someone else posted in between

becbec78

bluewolf wrote: »

I meant that at Don, sorry, someone else posted in between

No problem

Rubberchikken

Laugh the comments off.
Remind them of your opportunities to lie in , gave a relaxing bath/shower uninterrupted, do what you want in your free time etc.
if you want the marriage/kids thing, it'll come in time.

Don Kedick

becbec78 wrote: »

Hi Don,

Thanks for the advice. Yes I would like to get married and have kiddies some day, I know I just have to pull the finger out and do it :-). It's just the digs have been happening for a few years now, and it's a bit like water torture-drip by drip it has gotten to me. I am not being paranoid either unfortunately, for example I did Route 66 this year solo. The husbands and partners were all amazed ans delighted I did it, but some of the wives were making digs that it wasn't any good because I wasn't with a man, or it wasn't a family holiday. I was really wondering was it just my experience or has anyone else had this crap said to them too?

These people don't seem very nice. You don't have to be with a man or have a family to have fun. You can only go on a great trip along Route 66 with a partner???? What's wrong with these people.
I don't know what it's like to be a woman in their 30's but I'm sure others have heard similar comments. I know it's difficult to keep hearing them and it has to have an effect. Maybe as was suggested you should spend less time with these people, like I said before it sounds like they have a touch of jealousy.
Whatever you do, don't go looking for a man urgently and hook up with him because you feel you have to. You're 35, you're going to live till you're 100, you have loads of time left.

Don Kedick

bluewolf wrote: »

I meant that at Don, sorry, someone else posted in between

Yeah sorry, didn't mean to put down married people. I was just showing bec that it's not all sunshine and roses for married people. It's not the holy grail.

becbec78

Don Kedick wrote: »

These people don't seem very nice. You don't have to be with a man or have a family to have fun. You can only go on a great trip along Route 66 with a partner???? What's wrong with these people.
I don't know what it's like to be a woman in their 30's but I'm sure others have heard similar comments. I know it's difficult to keep hearing them and it has to have an effect. Maybe as was suggested you should spend less time with these people, like I said before it sounds like they have a touch of jealousy.
Whatever you do, don't go looking for a man urgently and hook up with him because you feel you have to. You're 35, you're going to live till you're 100, you have loads of time left.

Thanks! Oh no I have no intention of settling for the next available male that come along and that's for sure! I know that one or two of them have so maybe that's where the comments are coming from?!

becbec78

Rubberchikken wrote: »

Laugh the comments off.
Remind them of your opportunities to lie in , gave a relaxing bath/shower uninterrupted, do what you want in your free time etc.
if you want the marriage/kids thing, it'll come in time.

Thanks, I will try to do that the next time!

Don Kedick

becbec78 wrote: »

Thanks! Oh no I have no intention of settling for the next available male that come along and that's for sure! I know that one or two of them have so maybe that's where the comments are coming from?!

That's what I suspected at first. These comments don't just come from nowhere. They could be very frustrated in their marriage and are taking it out on the single girl. As has been said just smile and make a joke of it. Keep smiling.

cactusgal

Op, tbh these friends don't sound like very nice people. I think you seriously need to think about making some new friends, because digs and insults from anyone is not on, let alone people who you consider your friends!!

I am 37, have a lovely boyfriend now for the past year, but was single off and on before we met. No kids. I have never had any digs or comments from friends, because they are true friends who respect me and my lifestyle.

I have friends my age and older who are single, and I wouldn't dream of ever, EVER making comments or digs about it, because that would be disrespectful and very unfriend-like.

Honestly, your friends sound like d*cks. I'd seriously be reassessing these friendships, if I were you.

Oh, and 35 is young! I'd love to be a girl of 35 again!!

animum

hi op..
my advice is to drop the age bracket of your social circle..
I am 33, I have had my mortgage since I was 25, I have a job and a ten year old son, yet I have nothin I'm common with my friends I grew up with, it's marriage, baby #2 or 3, husbands, in-laws etc...
or else I have those friends that feel incomplete without a man and spend sat night finding one...
right now I don't want, nor need anyone else in my life, I need energy, laughter, adventure, and true girly giggly friendships....maybe as I feel I grew up too soon, but this is the stage I am at...your friends are in a different stage so find those more like you, don't take it personally, they just don't understand.
alot of my friends don't understand me, and I get little digs like I should act my age, I'll be lonely etc..
no I won't, my life is amazing, I went paragliding off the alps last year with my son, and we are going deep sea diving this year, why not....life is an adventure....route 66 sounds amazing and a very brave thing to do...well done...

CaraMay

becbec78 wrote: »

Thanks! Oh no I have no intention of settling for the next available male that come along and that's for sure! I know that one or two of them have so maybe that's where the comments are coming from?!

That's exactly where the comments are coming from!!! I have been in your boat and never experienced comments like that so it's not normal and not typical.

You need to have a line ready like 'better to paddle your own canoe than settle for any auld thing huh?' and on top of that find new friends. I have a child and there is nothing more boring to me than people talking about kids on a night out. It seems to be the default topic for women yawn.

Why not meet other single people who will have interesting things to talk about and who are too happy in themselves to think about throwing daft digs at others.

LegacyUser

From what you have told us I think your so called friends are unhappy with there lives and the decisions they made. They are now stuck in a rut at home or in work, paying the bills, mortgages and dealing with small children which is not always easy.
Meanwhile your single and can do as you please within reason. Along with this you can travel as your work holidays and income allow.

It is sad that some woman seem to think your nothing without a man. I know several woman who were fixated on having boyfriends and getting married. In some cases they rush into marriage thinking that every day will be wonderful but then reality set's in.
I have both single and married friends and I have never got comments like you.

I would look at getting involved with some new groups or organisations to make some new friends. I would also say something smart back to your so called friends when they make a comment like this. A real friend would not make comments like this but be glad to hear about your life, laugh at the bad dates and be glad to see the photos of the trips you make alone.

DaisyD2

You are most certainly not alone in getting digs or comments but from my point of view I believe 99% of them aimed at me over the years came from the happy bubble of coupledom & motherhood (as its usually from other females, do males even notice?).

I'm older, 42, and knew from my youngest years I wanted nothing to do with children - don't much like people half the time Haha - so I avoided relationships for most part because I was enjoying life so what was point? BUT its not a decision Others can wrap their head around, its not "the norm". I was told when right man came along I'd feel different & want to give him loads of babies! I thought "meh". I remember around 30 my friend, desperate for husband & baby, saying oh when we're old we'll be sitting here watching our grandkids play & I thought "will I f***"!".

It was really only a few years ago when I let the "love of my life", the one that was supposed to change my mind about it all, go because he wanted his little mini me soccer team that I knew, really knew that a lot of my decisions in life have been because I was so certain I didn't want children but no amount of deep meaningful conversations with loved ones can make someone else see my point of view so I have learned to deflect the comments & realise (most!) come from a place of love for me & fact they hate to think of me being "alone".

I'm happy in my singledom, living life for me or not for or through others is My Way, whats wrong with that? Absolutely nothing at all so why get let comments, snide or otherwise, get me down.

Some times the best response is a knowing smile with a sparkle in your eye

Neyite

It's quite sad really that some people think that you can only enjoy life if you are glued to someone else. And quite revealing of their mindset coming out with stuff like that.

For someone to actually say you don't know what love is until you've had a child, and if you cant have one or you don't have a man you're useless is utterly disgusting - so infertile men and women are 'useless' eh?

Y'know, there is a lot to be said for being able to make decisions to go on holiday and just be totally selfish. To do Route 66, being able to say 'hmmm, I think I'll do X today' without a partner getting in a sulk because they wanted to do Y. To be able to go to the Cinema and choose what YOU want to see every time.

We used to get something similar about having kids a few years ago, for a while it was relentless - every single gathering we went to someone would pontificate on our childfree status and give us unasked for and unwelcome advice. The worst part was we were trying unsuccessfully at the time and going for fertility appointments. What worked for us was to have a few ready-made quips to say back to people - sometimes jokes, sometimes pointed remarks to let them know they were out of line, so it might be worth coming up with a few stock phrases. Maybe we can help you out here with that?

Neyite

Neyite wrote: »

What worked for us was to have a few ready-made quips to say back to people - sometimes jokes, sometimes pointed remarks to let them know they were out of line, so it might be worth coming up with a few stock phrases. Maybe we can help you out here with that?

Always happy to help! and it's been an issue for other women on the forum in the past.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=59057353&postcount=55

power pants

I think jealousy or some sort of half resentment is often the case with the people making the sniping.

If they were so happy and secure with their choices in lives, why would it matter what other people are doing or not doing?

You are only 35, live life the way you want too

skallywag

OP, do you sense a real underlying nastiness to these comments from the people involved? How to you think these people feel that the comments are being perceived by yourself? i.e. do you really think they are setting out to have a dig at you, or could it possibly be a case of folk just being insensitive or tactless? I don't know your group of friends at all of course, but I would not be able to understand your real friends actively wanting to set out to get such digs in at you ...

dixiefly

sup_dude wrote: »

Yup. I was one of those girls through primary and secondary school who never got any attention from guys. A fact one of my "friends" liked to point out in various ways. I didn't say anything because if I called her out on everything she did, I wouldn't be able to say anything else. She was a bully and that was that so I kept quiet. It chipped away at and eroded my confidence and self esteem to just about nothing and I'm still suffering the consequences.

I would say something. It doesn't have to be defensive or aggressive. Just sit them down and tell them that you've noticed a few comments being made and you would appreciate if they were stopped as it's unhelpful and hurtful. Maybe they don't realise so I would give them the benefit of the doubt and point it out to them. If that doesn't work, they aren't very good friends and I would be finding a new group.

Hi sup_dude, have you managed to rid yourself of this girl as a friend?

Rearding the OP, I dont think that the OP was referring to her friends as being the source of the digs(my reading of it anyway).

Ave Sodalis

dixiefly wrote: »

Hi sup_dude, have you managed to rid yourself of this girl as a friend?

Rearding the OP, I dont think that the OP was referring to her friends as being the source of the digs(my reading of it anyway).

Oh yes, I have! As soon as I left for college, I never talked to any of the girls I was "friends" with again. I know that their behaviour was due to manipulation from the other girl but it was still ridiculous.

eviltwin

I had this problem but from the other side of the fence. One friend constantly calling me old and boring because I had children. We're no longer friends. You don't need this kind of negativity in your life, you don't need to have to anticipate these comments and justify them. Its very rude and friends don't do that. Maybe its time to face the fact you've moved on and find other people cause I reckon if you could wake up tomorrow with a partner and child they would find something else to pick you apart over.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

thalia_13

I spent my secondary school and college days in constant relationships. I always had a boyfriend. It was almost like it was the done thing in my small hometown!!
Then I moved away for work. 12 years ago now!!! Since then I have technically been terminally single. And I have been judged by family for this.
Obviously my family dont know about every short term fling that didnt work out, I just never met anyone I wanted to bring all the way across the country to meet my family!!

However, recently all I get from my family, mainly extended, is that there is something wrong with me, I should be settled down, married, have kids, a house, Im almost 34, I will die an old spinster if I don't cop on, even cats wont want me, Im.too fussy, and MANY more horrid comments!!

My best mate recently was cornered by one of my relations and was grilled as to why I am not 'settled down', and not doing anything with my life, my mate turned around and said ' she has a career, great friends, travels alot, has a great social life, a car, hobbies and lives in the city, etc, what exactly is wrong with her life?
Honestly I get very upset that my life is being measured against some sort of perceived norm,and it really does hurt me that my family sit in judgement of me because I have failed to give them a day out.
My friends response to my uncle made me realise I do not need to let those comments bother me too much. Its hard not to let them upset you, especially when sometimes, like friends or family weddings, you are the only single childless person. However your life is not of lesser value due to your dating/parenting status!
Try look.at the great things in your life. They hold more value than anything else.

lollipop19

Hi becbec78
Know exactly what you mean. Was part of a big group of friends from national school. We all stayed friends, went to weddings, etc. All met up with husbands/boyfriends in tow several times a year. They were all married and all was grand until I broke up with long term boyfriend. the next night we were all out I was on my own, all the rest were couples. it didn't bother me except the lads all sat together and chatted, and all the girls. Then the girls conversation turned to babies, childbirth, children, what the little darlings got from Santa claus, etc. Not really my scene!! I work in a male dominated industry and got into conversation with the husbands instead. One by one the couples went home until i was left in the pub with the last couple. The next thing I knew, my "friend" was accusing me of being after her husband! I had committed the crime of talking to him at the bar as i was ordering myself a drink. The spineless husband sat there and said nothing. She was lucky I didn't send her into the middle of next week! I left the pub. I've never spoken to her since but I do know that she poisoned all the others against me with a pile of lies as I never hear a word from any of them. As far as I'm concerned i don't need people like that in my life.

FISMA

becbec78 wrote: »

A lot of comments have been made to me about how you don't know what love is until you've had a child, and if you cant have one or you don't have a man you're useless.

Who says this to you?

Est28

becbec,
I that stage of life people are wrapped up in their own world of kids and family. It even happens with younger crowd even if they're not married but beginning to settle down a bit from the college days and are with someone.

Most of the time they don't even realize what they are saying is insensitive or that the constant talk about kids and family is insufferable when it's just not you.

I have plenty friends like this and while we're still friends, we've just drifted on. I've realized I needed friends who are more "like me". If you continue to just sit and rely on these people to be your world then this is all life will ever be. Time to move on from them.

rosedream

Similar stuff happened to me as well. I've had comments from relatives like "so you will just be alone forever" and "I know, rosedream can be the aunt living alone with cats!" and then pure "WTF?" "What if you'll change my mind?" reactions when I said I never want to get married or have kids.

Problem is that I have seen the ugly side of marriage, relationships, and kids way too many times. I have seen strong women turn into these fake, pathetic damsels in distress, simpering up to their new boyfriend or husband, and turning away good friends and even family to spend time with them. I have seen the stress of single women having to care for their families. All the stress, drama, arguments divorced/separated couples have to go through...it was enough to put me off. I would like a partner in the future, but it would want to be clear that I am not gonna turn into some wife who will be at his beck and call.

Think that's the problem when some women get in to relationships, not all of us, but the majority of us suddenly find ourselves dependant on our partner, as if we need them for every social occasion and belittle those who don't have a partner in their life.

Just my experience anyway.

Littlekittylou

The only relationship that is truly enduring is the relationship with yourself. And it's the most important. Without it you cannot have relationships with others but if you have it you don't need relationships with others. And you choose the ones that you want because they are built on love and respect.

I never get comments like this. My friendships are not toxic.

cactusgal

Littlekittylou wrote: »

The only relationship that is truly enduring is the relationship with yourself. And it's the most important. Without it you cannot have relationships with others but if you have it you don't need relationships with others. And you choose the ones that you want because they are built on love and respect.

I never get comments like this. My friendships are not toxic.

+1. This is the best advice you'll ever get. I couldn't have put it better myself.

Big Bag of Chips

becbec78 wrote: »

A lot of comments have been made to me about how you don't know what love is until you've had a child

Is there a chance that you are sensitive about this and misinterpreting what people say? I have often heard the above said in one way or another. Taken out of context it sounds like a stupid thing to say. But taken in the context of being a parent, it is understandable.. If a little clichéd

A male relative told me after they had their first baby that he'd never experienced anything like the feelings he had for his baby. His exact words were "Of course you love your partner, but the love you feel for your child is on a whole other level". I had no children at that point or had no plans for children. I didn't take this as a dig at me. I just thought it was him, talking about himself. And I thought it was a lovely thing to hear a new dad say.

and if you cant have one or you don't have a man you're useless.

Has this actually been said to you, or are you listening to what people say and taking hidden meanings from it? It's a sorry fact that when some people have children it is all they have to talk about. Sometimes it's because they are at home all day and don't see or hear anything only their kids, so that's all they can contribute to a conversation! Sometimes it's because they love their children so much that they mistakenly think everyone else is equally amazed by them!

I have a friend who was single through her 20s and 30s. She didn't want children. Ever. We worked with lots of older, married mothers. She was often told she'd change her mind when she met the right person. People almost laughed at her when she said she would never be pregnant. A few would listen but still have the "we know better/we'll see" look on their face. But the difference was she was so confident in herself, in her choices and in what she wanted and didn't want in her life that it didn't matter what people said to her. She was able to answer them with her reasons and they knew not to bring it up with her because they weren't going to change her mind. She's now engaged to a lovely man, and children don't feature in the plan at all.

Are you happy? Are you confident in your choices? Would you like to meet someone and have a family together? Or are you happy to be single and childless? I think if you are happy, you don't care what others think. If you feel something is lacking in your life, then others mentioning it can hit a nerve.

RubyGlee

You have to wonder why people feel the need to comment on others lives??? One of my friend nearly had a heart attack when she found out I now have two kitties because apparantly thats how it starts you know. I have to start looking for men in there forties now as men in there 30s are only interested in early tweenties girls. aaahh im only 30

summer_chic

I. Have to agree with the suggestion that you might be a little over sensitive on the subject. I say that as a childless woman in her mid 40's who spent much most of her 30's single. I was that soldier ! I got sick of being the only one not in the parent club, sitting as they all talked non-stop about their kids, with no effort to acknow,ledge the fact that they were excluding me from the conversation. I resented it at the time, but now, as those people have moved on and their children have grown, I realise that they weren't being malicious, just thoughtless. Having a child is an utterly life-changing event that nothing can prepare you for. It is a whole different kind of love, and new parents, (and not so new !) become completely absorbed in the experience and genuinely don't realise why anyone else wouldn't want to experience it , and often actively encourage it !

@ manner , it doesn't have to be about children, just plain , simple begrudgery , give them a wide hearth - they are not friends !

LegacyUser

Hello,

I dont think posters saying that "she is over sensitive" helps, at all.

Every person on the planet has control over what comes out of their mouth.

If you constantly get this "barage" of whats wrong with you/why are you single/childless, it can grind you down. Someone with their arm falling off would get less interest/questions.

Its like a fascination for people in (often bad) relationships. I think thats what should be talked about. Why are other people fascinated by someone singleness?

OP, I was out Friday night and ran into neighours I hadnt seen in years. I got the "still single, eh?" (Yep, and Im quite happy). Queue funny look from them. I said to them (in a nice way) "I find it very interesting and quite entertaining why people are so interested in my love life" and left it at that. And I do mean it, I am happy, so it doesnt affect me.

Few months ago, someone asked me (at 36) at a party (at a party!!!!) was I worried about my fertility.

All I can suggest OP, is that if those comment are coming out of people, either learn to not listen to them. Or answer back with a question about them "Yea, Im single....but hey youre in the relationship, so you tell me how goes it all in the bedroom ;-)" It took me a while to get that brazen to reply with things like that, but it does shut them up (they are left then thinking about their lives as opposed to the "poor poor" single person.)

CaraMay

I don't agree summer chic. I think it's just rudeness. It's as unacceptable as going on ad nauseum about your job, hobby, wedding, car, hair etc etc etc. monopolizing a conversation when the topic doesn't apply to all parties is just selfish and obnoxious nevermind dull (no matter what the topic).

rosedream

Another worse thing you could do is end up being with someone for the sake of not being alone. I have seen too many women (who are the type who are unlucky in love) act and smug and talk about much they love the boyfriend they finally got...these same boyfriends would be trying to chat up other women and have affairs at the same time. I had a friend who's boyfriend had to cheek to message me and my other friends on facebook whenever they had a fight. She even confess to me one that she keeps thinking that he will go off with another girl. Worse thing now, not only are they still together but she is having his kid. So many other couples that have been together for 20 or more years seem to be together because they know that they won't get anyone else.

I'd rather be alone forever than to put up with that s**te.

mountsky

I'm 'recently' single and in my 30s,and if truth be known I love it,I feel liberated, mind you if the 'right' one came along that could all change.I was in a relationship for years,and if I could offer one piece of advice it would be that its better to be single&have piece of mine of mind rather that being in a relationship where frankly both parties are desperately unhappy.Ya,the kids thing,I hear it all the time from friends on about theirs, luckily for me I've young nieces&nephews so I can kinda appreciate the kiddie talk.In saying that I absolutely would not want any myself at the main,I have no desire for such as of yet,but that's just me!

missjm

Don't feel ashamed of who you are because other people are ignorant. There are so many unhappy couples out there because of this very issue. They got together with people who are not suitable because it was 'better' than 'being on their own'. It's utter rubbish. I'd sooner spend the rest of my life on my own than be in an unhappy relationship. The last relationship I was in, he almost destroyed me and it's taken me years to get over how I was treated. I have several male friends who are in relationships and marriage who have me worn out leaning on me for advice about how unhappy they are. I couldn't bear to be with a man I thought was doing that!

Be true to yourself, yes - people will comment - just ignore it. The day I buried my Mum, within weeks of burying my father an Aunt turned to me and said 'You're still reasonably young enough to meet somebody, you might find somebody yet'... Is that what it takes to be validated in life..!!

emmabrighton

becbec78 wrote: »

Hi Don,

Thanks for the advice. Yes I would like to get married and have kiddies some day, I know I just have to pull the finger out and do it :-). It's just the digs have been happening for a few years now, and it's a bit like water torture-drip by drip it has gotten to me. I am not being paranoid either unfortunately, for example I did Route 66 this year solo. The husbands and partners were all amazed ans delighted I did it, but some of the wives were making digs that it wasn't any good because I wasn't with a man, or it wasn't a family holiday. I was really wondering was it just my experience or has anyone else had this crap said to them too?

Oh my God, get new friends! Sounds like they are jealous.

One of my single friends - 35 did a road trip across the US and I was nothing but in awe about how fab her life is! I would love if the me 4 years ago walked the Camino instead of just talking about it but i was too much of a coward.

Now I have a toddler, there will be no chance for 16 years. Not that I would want to. I have tied my apron strings good and tight... lol.

I still admire my single friends for 1) being happy in their own skin that they don't need to be in a relationship - I have been a serial monogamist since I was 16 and 2) being able to go travelling and meet new people with all the monies they have.

And yes, now i look like an irish mammy and only do my shopping in pennys but plenty of other mamas are Yummy Drummie Mummies... just not me

Goldenlady

OMG OP, I could have written your post!!! I too am 35 & single, 2 years out of a LTR. I was in that relationship when most of my friends were single, and I never once commented on their "status"!!! Recently on a rare night out, one of my friends said "I wont be happy until you meet someone" Eh Hello, yes I do get lonely sometimes, but its usually just a passing moment. I have done so much in the last 2 years, I go away for week ends on my own, I am off to Oz on holidays in a few weeks, I am making up for lost time!


I certainly don't believe you are being over sensitive as I have been listening to this for two years, any guy I meet they nearly have me married off. When Im not interested in meeting them again, they actually spend hours ringing me telling me give them a chance etc. I too believe some of my friends settled, always dreamt of the big day & babies... but each to their own.


I am happy, I have a good career that I have worked hard for, it keeps me very busy. I too would like to meet someone & have a family but if it happens it happens. I have changed my focus and concentrated on my health etc and feel so much better for it.


Recently , my cousins husband said " Oh Goldenlady, I'd hate to see you left on the shelf, would be such a shame"..... I swear to God, I was fit to kill him!!! People can be so condescending..... my life is good, I earn a good salary so can treat myself & I love not having to consider anyone else now....


Keep the chin up and ignore them, life is for living!!


PS Im loving that a few people said 35 is young.... feel much better now! lol!! must go & play with my cats (JOKE!!!)

shuffle65

Littlekittylou wrote: »

The only relationship that is truly enduring is the relationship with yourself. And it's the most important. Without it you cannot have relationships with others but if you have it you don't need relationships with others. And you choose the ones that you want because they are built on love and respect.

I never get comments like this. My friendships are not toxic.

Jeepers, I think I will make a poster out of this and hang it on my wall! Brilliant advice.

It's just narrow mindedness on your 'friends' behalf. I'm divorced, been alone for several years now and I do get the occasional comment along the lines of: It's a pity you can't meet a nice man, you're such a nice person'. I know it's very well intentioned, it did used to bug me though.

Sheog

Op, you could have been writing about my life too! I am single in my early 30s and not actively dating at the moment. I don't get comments from my closer friends, but I do from extended friends. These are the ones who fit into the 'smug' just got engaged/ bought a house/ recently married category.

I had my heart badly broken in my early 20ies. It took me a long time to get over it, but I did eventually, and my life has been great for the last few years and getting better. I joke with my friends by saying that I'm 'terminally' single in my 30ies, but it really doesn't bother me that much. I am happier now than I have ever been; great job that I love, great social life, independent with no cares or worries that are out of the ordinary...

Loads of my friends have been getting hitched lately, so the comments have been growing. It does get a bit annoying at times. I usually laugh it off using lines like: It's a big Job, I'm still interviewing... or the one from the Bridget Jones movie: It's it 60% or 70% of marriages that end in divorce these days?'. (usually gets a few giggles!)

However, as the main perpetrators of the comments happen to be my mother and my aunties, I like to think that these comments come from a place of love and concern. It is because they care about me and just want me to be happy, that they make these comments. They simply can't relate to my situation, and most likely don't understand that it is possible that I am perfectly happy with my life as it is. So I try to shake off the comments as much as I can.

Where I am going with this Op is that maybe your friends are actually just concerned for you and care about you and don't mean to be spiteful or hurtful. Maybe they just want you to be happy, and for them, (however ignorant it is) happiness equates to being married with kids.

If it's really getting to you then maybe talk to them about it?

Best of luck!