Advice for partner of an recovering alcoholic...

caitrionaanne

I hope this is the right forum as I couldnt find anywhere else to ask this.

I started seeing a close friend about 6 weeks ago. All was good and I hope still is. The last few days I can see the frustration/anger starting to rise and today they are extremely angry. They are sober a year and a half now. I have read that anger can lead to relapse quite easily so Im worried that this may happen, although I dont think it will but who knows. Im not sure what to say to him, we dont live together so I dont see him all the time but by texting today, he is quite aloof and not saying much or texting as much as normal so I can tell things arent right. He has avoided seeing me tonight saying he is no company and has had a nightmare day. I dont know if this has anything to do with me or not but I dont wanna be selfish asking him that. So im kind of worried.....

Any advice on how to approach this situation is appreciated.

Tombi!

AH is really not the place.
You'd be better of in PI or maybe RI
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=127
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

Still, all I'd say to you is don't try blaming yourself if they start drinking again. Unless you're actively trying to get them to drink, it's not your fault. If they're not wanting to talk then you either ask them what's wrong or give them space, I suppose.

caitrionaanne

Thanks Admin for moving the thread.

iusedtoknow

Caveat to this post: i am a non drinker - i don't define myself as an alcoholic..recovering or otherwise, but had to stop drinking because it was starting to harm my life in ways that would be hard to un-do. I still get urges to drink but do not do so.

A year and a half sober is a long stretch so for one thing, he probably has all the tools he needs to stay sober. One of the main things you learn is HALT

Hunger Anger Loneliness and Tiredness - these are the main triggers you (as a sober person) need to look out for that can cause you to turn back to drink. It sounds like he's angry about something and tired.

However...6 weeks is not that long of a relationship (even if you were friends before) and he may not yet feel comfortable in letting you "in" to help deal with whatever he's going though. The most you can do is be supportive as much as he lets you, and hope that he is dealing with this in his own way.

On another point, we have a fairly active "non drinkers forum" under SOC. Feel free to post there as well if you need some help. It is mostly for people that are trying to (or are) sober, but they will be able to give some other perspectives on what you are facing.

caitrionaanne

Thanks Brutal Deluxe... Definitely not wanting him to drink but i think ill give him space to sort his head and hope he doesnt drink

caitrionaanne

Thanks iusedtoknow...... He is usually very open about things but has said today he is angry and tired and that he needs to calm down and accept things as they are today. I have said to him that i will give him space and he can talk to me when he is ready. I dont think there is anything else I can do and i feel kinda helpless but i dont wanna smother him and make him worse. Im just learning as i go along. He would always have been honest and open when we were friends about how he is feeling. I just hope he uses his supports he has in place and works through it. Finding it hard to know what i should and shouldnt do but i guess ill learn as i go along