My brother keeps threatening to disown us and has suicidal thought, what should we do

BMBM123

My brother is going through a bad time and is taking it out on my mum. He spilt up with his ex a months ago but never got over her even though she treated him badly in the end. He leant her two grand and even sent a solicitors letter but she denies ever getting it. He blames my mum for not getting involved more and for not contacting her or her family at the time to get it back. For the past week he has been ringing mum and dad saying he wants nothing to do with them, that he won't be coming to Xmas dinner at our house and even wants to change his name to get rid of them because of the way he was treated when he was younger. He said he used to get beatings and was never wanted and was always the black sheep and me and my brother were always better treated. He keeps ringing mum to say she has only two children now and he also says stuff like he's afraid of doing something stupid (indicating taking his own life) this is really taking it's toll on mum she's always crying and worrying, she's in her 60's and not able for it. He is 35. Why is he acting like this and what should we do? I am not getting involved but I just want to help mum because she doesn't know what to say to him

December2012

Firstly I wouldn't expect anybody to be "over" a break up in a few months. It sounds like he is still hurt and frustrated, particularly of he was mistreated by his partner.

Were you actively helping him with his pain at this time?

Oryx

Have you talked to him?

Rekop dog

If he wanted nothing to do with them anymore he wouldn't be constantly contacting them. To be honest he doesn't come across at all well from your post, obviously going through a tough period but that's no excuse to harass your own parents and put misplaced blame on them for the break up.

I reckon your parents should be the ones cutting ties with him until this behaviour subsides, I know when he's making self harm threats this isn't easy to do but sounds like he's using this as a hold over your mother who's more than likely being too soft on him and lapping up his nonsense.

BMBM123

No I haven't spoke to him in the past week since he started ringing mum because I am not supposed to know about this which is why I can't get involved. I did at the time of the break up and I know he's still hurting because he done a lot for her when she was ill but the last we spoke of it he had resigned to not getting the money back and was seeing another girl.

I know he is still hurting over the way he was mistreated by the ex, but I don't think it's fair torturing mum over it and saying things like that to her?

Rubberchikken

Not its not fair on your mom but your brother is hurting and might be lashing out at the one person he knows won't reject him no matter how bad his behaviour.

Talk to your mom and advise her to encourage him to speak to his gp.

LegacyUser

Hi OP. My family is in a similar situation, although my brother is older than yours. For the past 18 months he has spoken to no one in our family. He seems to think that we've done him some great wrong, although we haven't. He won't respond to any of our attempts to contact him.

It is tough, and I know it must be so upsetting for your mother. To be honest, I not sure what you can do, as he's a grown man. We've just had to accept that my brother wants nothing to do with us, but we know where he lives and where he works and mutual acquaintances tell us that he is doing ok. You obviously don't have that comfort. And my brother isn't harrassing us at all, like your brother is; nor is he threatening to do anything "stupid". That must be very difficult to cope with.

Perhaps if you know any of your brother's friends, you could ask them to advise him to seek help? It definitely sounds like he needs to see a doctor. I would keep a close eye on your mother. Maybe she should consider counselling, too, just to try to help her to cope. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, but I hope everything works out for you..

BMBM123

Thanks for your responses. I was going to contact one of his friends but then I'm afraid they won't know anything about how he's feeling and if they say it to him it will open a bigger can if worms. He really does need to see a GP and I personally think anti depressants or some counselling could help him. We did suggest it but I don't think he's inclined. He's basically just crying out for attention in my opinion but there's nothing we can do or say it's so frustrating. I think mum needs to be former though, she is a soft touch and wouldn't have the heart to be firm like I would let's say

December2012

Have a read of this website and give them a call http://mindourmen.ie

I think you need to actually chat to your brother about his feelings and references to his suicide. But these guys are the experts - certainly not me! Give them a call and get some further advice.

BMBM123

Thank you I never even tought of pieta house

BMBM123

Mum just got off the phone (7th call today) he now wants her and said he expects her to do something to make it up to him for the way he was treated when he was younger? She's in bits here guys, part of me would love to smack him across the face and tell him to cop on!

allym

Is there any basis for this stuff he's saying or is it all crap?

Eeden

BMBM123 wrote: »

Mum just got off the phone (7th call today) he now wants her and said he expects her to do something to make it up to him for the way he was treated when he was younger? She's in bits here guys, part of me would love to smack him across the face and tell him to cop on!

Unfortunately, for someone going through this kind of episode, it's not just a "snap out of it!" kind of thing. He is being irrational (7 calls in one day!?) and so won't listen to reason, I'd say.