Weird Catfish experience

Pinkmoon19

Hi,

I've been using online dating sites for the past few months and had my first Catfish experience over the weekend. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience, and what they did after they found out about it? It's left me feeling a bit freaked out to be honest.

So basically I had an account on a well known dating app for a few months. I was messaging this guy for a few weeks but we never got to meet. I then started dating someone for a couple of months and deleted my account. When I set it back up a few weeks ago the guy started messaging me again.

He cancelled a date last minute last week, which I was really angry about. I decided to let it go and give it one more try. So we had plans for this Sunday. On Saturday he messaged me saying that the account I had been messaging was actually a catfish account, he uses it to initially contact women and then introduces his real self. His real self was around 20 years older.

Personally I am feeling a bit creeped out. I know the whole "danger" element of online dating is that you don't truly know you are talking to but I feel kind of weird that I was sharing details of my life with someone who was purposely deceiving me. Including the time that we messaged before we were in contact with each other for around a month. I just find it really creepy that someone could carry on that charade for such an extended period of time. I've obviously reported both the accounts, real and catfish.

Has anyone else had a similar experience to this. It's kind of wrecked the whole idea of online dating for me. Feeling a tad disillusioned. Any suggestions for how to shake off this creeped out feeling?!

Taltos

Mod Note:
OP your post might be better placed in the Online Dating Forum, however as that is a private forum we can't move it there.
Here is the link on how to get access.
If you prefer to ask this there just let us know here and we'll close this thread.

Thanks
Taltos

Est28

All you can really do is report the guy.

I did the online thing for a while and it was fine. I was never mssively catfished but some people do sort of try to decieve you a little, or are at least not really up front with things from the start.

You learn to read some red flags. Like, the types of photos someone posts is a dead giveaway, also just some things they say about themselves, etc. All you can do is be perceptive and try to spot red flags in profiles or messages.

As for the age thing, it's common place, though 20 years is a bit much. I read a blog sometimes which often posts online dating stories. The author openly encourages women to lie about their age, but reveal the truth after a few messages. The reason she says is for older people, lowering your age gets you into more peoples searches, but she tries to justify it by saying that you reveal the truth soon after contact and that the guy will be wowed with your personality that he wouldn't care. It's very sketchy advice IMO. But even "credible" sources do seem to be suggesting these sort of tactics to people. I don't agree with it personally and if you encounter it, I would want to stay away.

DoYouEvenLift

Best to use Snapchat or Skype to get confirmation if you're gonna chance online dating, even on tinder you can get catfished even though you need to link your Facebook.

blatantrereg

People use their best pics usually. Often these can be a few years old and they might look different. Very different to using pics twenty years old. Was told about someone else encountering and sussing a similar thing with a guy. In my own experiences I encountered women lying about their relationship status, but no other form of such deliberate deception.

I think it's easy to get a false image of people online anyway though. I think it's a bad idea to share personal things with someone you only know online unless the only thing you are looking for is a penpal. Better to meet for a coffee early on without any expectation built up.

Pinkmoon19

Taltos wrote: »

Mod Note:
OP your post might be better placed in the Online Dating Forum, however as that is a private forum we can't move it there.
Here is the link on how to get access.
If you prefer to ask this there just let us know here and we'll close this thread.

Thanks
Taltos

Hi Taltos,

Thanks a mil for letting me know about it. I don't think I have over 50 posts, is it ok to leave the thread open here? Thanks.

Pinkmoon19

blatantrereg wrote: »

People use their best pics usually. Often these can be a few years old and they might look different. .

I'm not sure if I've explained this properly. The guy had two completely different accounts, so it wasn't a case of using complimentary photos to pull the wool over my eyes.

The first profile, let's call him John, was 30 years old. He actually admitted that he used a friend of a friend's Facebook photos and the real person was actually a guy that lives in L.A.

The second, and real profile, was a guy near his 50s.

It just baffles me that someone would spend so much time and energy on this. I'm not sure what his logic was, imo totally setting himself up for a fall, not to mention freaking out anyone who was potentially interested.

Meauldsegosha

Pinkmoon19 wrote: »

Hi Taltos,

Thanks a mil for letting me know about it. I don't think I have over 50 posts, is it ok to leave the thread open here? Thanks.

You have 183 posts.

Pinkmoon19

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

You have 183 posts.

Oh, lol, thanks!

Meauldsegosha

Pinkmoon19 wrote: »

It just baffles me that someone would spend so much time and energy on this. I'm not sure what his logic was, imo totally setting himself up for a fall, not to mention freaking out anyone who was potentially interested.

He obviously thought that if you liked his personality then it wouldn't matter when he revealed his true self. It wouldn't matter to some but to a lot of people lying in your profile is a big turn off.

Chalk it up to experience but don't let it put you off OD. You can meet some great people through it.

Matteroffact

Its sad really but I would think that he did this to get the thrill of a girl like you answering his messages, he probably doesn't get many replies in his real profile. Then he thinks if he can reel you in, his age would not matter. You are lucky he told you before you actually arrived to meet him in person though.

Nymeria

I would be really angry too, what a waste of your time and I'm sure it must feel horrible to be mislead like that. Even if you did think his personality was wonderful, how could you trust him after that, he has basically started off the whole relationship with massive lies. And I know everybody 'tweaks' themselves for online dating, a few less years here for women, a few more inches there for men etc. but this guy took it way too far.

Whatever about him possibly feeling insecure or whatever, that is not your problem to deal with, and the guy should find some other way of coping instead of outright lying to women to get them interested.

I could understand a little if he has showed an old photo of himself, or said he was five years younger than he was or something, but to show photos of a completely different person is just weird and creepy.

Littlekittylou

Pinkmoon19 wrote: »

I'm not sure if I've explained this properly. The guy had two completely different accounts, so it wasn't a case of using complimentary photos to pull the wool over my eyes.

The first profile, let's call him John, was 30 years old. He actually admitted that he used a friend of a friend's Facebook photos and the real person was actually a guy that lives in L.A.

The second, and real profile, was a guy near his 50s.

It just baffles me that someone would spend so much time and energy on this. I'm not sure what his logic was, imo totally setting himself up for a fall, not to mention freaking out anyone who was potentially interested.

It happens a lot.

Not exactly in the way you described. It's hard to tell a lot of the time.

I know there are bots etc. There are lots on twitter. It's easier there . There are also people living out alternative lives etc.

There is not a lot you can do except be more cautious. I got rid of some social media stuff for a while.

All you can do is try to put some distance in between you and this event. Shake it off. Have some good experiences.

blatantrereg

Pinkmoon19 wrote: »

I'm not sure if I've explained this properly. The guy had two completely different accounts, so it wasn't a case of using complimentary photos to pull the wool over my eyes.

The first profile, let's call him John, was 30 years old. He actually admitted that he used a friend of a friend's Facebook photos and the real person was actually a guy that lives in L.A.

The second, and real profile, was a guy near his 50s.

It just baffles me that someone would spend so much time and energy on this. I'm not sure what his logic was, imo totally setting himself up for a fall, not to mention freaking out anyone who was potentially interested.

I thought that he was using pics of himself from 20 years ago. Didn't realise he was using pics of someone else entirely. That is more weird and uncomfortable again.

Pinkmoon19

Taltos wrote: »

Mod Note:
OP your post might be better placed in the Online Dating Forum, however as that is a private forum we can't move it there.
Here is the link on how to get access.
If you prefer to ask this there just let us know here and we'll close this thread.

Thanks
Taltos

Hi Taltos,

I've been given access to the ODF so I'm going to open this thread there. Thanks for your help.

Taltos

Best of luck Pinkmoon19, have heard good things about that forum so make use of the experience many of the folk have

Closing your thread now.

Cheers.