Making friends in Ireland

arthur1996

Hi,

I hope I'm in the good section. And sorry for my english which can seem a bit "weird" sometimes (but it's not my mothertongue so...)
I'm Arthur from Belgium and I'm 18. I'm an exchange student in the Cork county for nearly 3 month ago (until end may). And I feel a little bad... I can't make friends and I don't know why exactly... I try to talk (even though I'm shy) with other people around me but there are no "ties" between ourselves. No offence but I think it's a bit more difficult to make friends in Ireland although Irish people love talking (not all Irish however). Plus, I don't think I have centres of interest "common shared". For example, I'm not interested in the soccer or any sport. And conversely, I like the politics, the law, the sociology, the psychology, the philosophy, the history,...
Before leaving to Ireland, I had experienced a long "black" period after my father's death. For a certain time, I pretented to be someone else. But slowly, I started to be interested in what I was really. It was a long path but now it's behind me. And that's why I left to Ireland. I needed a "break" before to enter in the university, to rebuild myself.
I must be positive however. Since I'm here, I improved my English and I discovered other areas of interest, and subsequently other parts of my personality. I also enrolled in a taekwondo group (even if I don't like so much the sport ) and in a theatre group (I still attended a theatre group in Belgium). Perhaps I should join a volunteer group like Amnesty as well. I like to advocate and assert for the rights of other people. It can be interesting and an opportunity to meet a lot of people.
But do you have other advices? By the way, in which are the Irish interested?

Thanks for reading

Celly Smunt

I find Ireland very clique-ish especially compared to other European countries. When out you'll find people to talk to but rarely will you make friends. I think its a localised state of mind Irish people have that unless you've been friends from quite an early age,it will take a loooong time to break into a group.

I'm saying this and I'm Irish,when I have been anywhere else I could find myself as part of a group of friends within one or two sessions,in Ireland,maybe one or two years. I guess we all just have some sort of friendly distrust of anybody new.

LegacyUser

Are you an exchange student in UCC? Look up societies and clubs that share your interests and join them. I found when I was in college especially in bigger classes it was very difficult to make friends and I'm Irish. I think most of the people I met through college were not through the course I was studying but through the clubs and societies I joined while a student there. So you should definitely look for other outlets to get to know other Irish people and improve your English.

I was on Erasmus in Spain and I found it very cliquey as well, my sister has lived abroad in a few different countries and with each move she has said it has taken her a good two years to set down roots in each new place and make contacts.

arthur1996

Thanks for your message.
It's reassuring what you're saying... The counselour of my exchange organization seemed to be a little "stressed" about my case. I was wondering what was going on...
Yeah maybe it's a mistrust of anybody new. Perhaps because the immigration is recent in Ireland. It's quite different in Belgium. Anyway, I still have the impression to be the "stranger". But I guess I have to get used to this.
I just have registered in here: volunteercork.ie. I looked for a volunteer group in the town where I'm living in Ireland. But I haven't found anything unfortunately. I should go to Cork, I think... It might be expensive but anyway, I don't like drinking in the pub so I don't spend my money to drink

Tokyo

Hi OP,

have you tried the regional forums for Cork City and Cork County?? At a glance I can see posts for indoor soccer and such, and it might be worth starting a thread there yourself to see what activities are available in your area.

arthur1996

Thanks!

No I haven't yet. As I said, I don't like so much soccer But I have other interests so I can submit a thead in these forums

Emme

Are you in college? If so there should be clubs and societies with other international students. You could also try www.meetup.com, they might have some groups in Cork to interest you

Littlekittylou

Continue your hobbies in Ireland and it will bring you among like minded people.

Yes too much of our lives can be centered around the pub but not all are like that.

arthur1996

@ Emme
Yeah but I'm a small college. Actually I'm studying in the Mallow college But I think I'll find more in Cork. Thanks for your link I'll have a look

@ Littlekittylou

You're right. The counselor from the exchange organisation told me to talk about Irish liked because it was up to me to get integrated. But for example, I don't know if I can talk about soccer all the time (sorry for people they like soccer).

Rubberchikken

Hi Arthur
Sorry you're finding it difficult to make some connections.
It can be hard, especially in a town. Most things do seem to be centered around sport and pubs.

There are some drama groups in Mallow. They should have websites to check out.
Also check put groups/activities in cork city.

Best of luck and keep trying. There are plenty of friendly Irish out there:)

arthur1996

Hello,

Yeah... I think there are more opportunities in Cork...

I'm still in a theatre group. But it's hard to get integrated in the group... Perhaps I must be patient and keep talking to people in this group. Hopefully, it will lead to more "friendship"

Yeah I have to stay confident Eventually I'll find some friends. Thanks for your message anyway!

Shrap

How about a hill-walking group? It's not really the right time of year for it, but walking groups love having new people along and they're particularly friendly types in my experience! Also, you'd see more of the area and you're so close to the mountains in Cork and Kerry, it'd be a shame not to take a better look at the beauty of those counties. Maybe something to try in Spring? Perhaps the college has a club like that...

Edit: Also, wild-life society/club. They go out exploring too I think?

arthur1996

Yeah it sounds good! I don't think there's a walking group in the college but there's one in Mallow. Apparently, there will be a walk very soon (end november). It's true it's not a good for walking but I don't mind to walk by "bad" weather. So I'm gonna to send a message to walkgroup of Mallow
Thanks!

playedalive

Hi Arthur.
Firstly, keep strong. You seem to be doing all the right things. Irish people are unfortunately very cliquey, in general. When people have had a certain group of close friends, people don't care about meeting other people. People are busy with their own lives.

Secondly, it sounds like where you are in Cork is very isolating (Mallow?). This is probably not going to help either and possibly it might be a good idea to get nearer to Cork at the weekends. It is pricey to constantly get the bus but things like couchsurfing.org could allow you to meet people and maybe you could stay on their couches at the weekend.

I'm living in France myself (I'm Irish) and it's hard to make good friends. It takes time and people are slow to react (even though I speak French and like to talk- probably that's the problem )

arthur1996

Hi!

Thanks it's really reassuring... And it brings me more "courage" to keep going. I thought it was only the matter of older people when they have children (I have some older people in my class). But apparently it's true it's the same for everyone

Yeah I'm living Mallow. But I can't really complain because it's quite "big" for an Irish town. And it's not so far away from Cork which is pretty nice.
That's true. I should have a look on this website but I don't know if I'm allowed to "couching" with my exchange organization Anyway I have to find a group in Cork!

Yes perhaps it's difficult to make French friends too. In Belgium, perhaps it's easier as there're many people, strangers,... But there're many different people as well. I know somebody who loves people where I'm living. To her mind, people are less "friendly" where she's living. However, she lives only at 50km from me!