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Miserable in college
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19-11-2014 8:45pm#1Ok, I'm a 1st year in Maynooth at the moment and I feel completely miserable. I'm living off campus so I haven't been able to mix easily with new people and don't know many people from home in college. I feel little motivation to get up most days and I'm finding my course mind-numbingly boring at the moment as it is still in the 'introductory' phase and probably won't move on to more interesting or challenging stuff until after Christmas.
Does anyone here know anything that could make me settle in better?
Edit: I appreciate any advice but I can't tell you how many people have said ''Have you tried joining a club or society?'' to me. I have and to be honest, the ones I've gone to are full of clique-ish fourth years. I've tried talking to people in these societies but it hasn't been working.
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Hey there OPhelpneeded96 wrote: »Ok, I'm a 1st year in Maynooth at the moment and I feel completely miserable. I'm living off campus so I haven't been able to mix easily with new people and don't know many people from home in college. I feel little motivation to get up most days and I'm finding my course mind-numbingly boring at the moment as it is still in the 'introductory' phase and probably won't move on to more interesting or challenging stuff until after Christmas.
Does anyone here know anything that could make me settle in better?
Edit: I appreciate any advice but I can't tell you how many people have said ''Have you tried joining a club or society?'' to me. I have and to be honest, the ones I've gone to are full of clique-ish fourth years. I've tried talking to people in these societies but it hasn't been working.
Really sorry to hear about your troubles but if it helps you're not the only one going through this. There are many other people just like you up and down the country. There are a few things you can do though (from a former SU officer in NUIG)
1. Sit beside someone new in a lecture. It's really basic but it's amazing how many friends you can make doing this. Just pick someone new in a course and strike up a conversation before the lecture starts. You won't make a new friend every time (conflicting personalities, no shared interests etc) but you'd be surprised how quickly you'll meet people who you'd be mates with.
2. Attend any class, course or year parties. This is a no-brainer. Best place to make mates is at a bar where people in your year are. Pretty easy to do. I know it's tough since you live away from college but you'd know in advance the date of it so you can sort yourself somewhere to stay.
3. Join a club or society. Trust me, it's nowhere near as cliquey as you think. Of course some societies and clubs are extremely cliquey (almost every debating society in the country has this problem) but not all societies or clubs are like that. Just find one, just one, and you'll be extremely happy.
As for your course being boring it's first year. A lot of courses can be like banging your head against the wall in first year because it's mostly just common-sense. Talk to someone (head of course, lecture) about how you are feeling about the course. They'll reassure you.0 -
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helpneeded96 wrote: »Ok, I'm a 1st year in Maynooth at the moment and I feel completely miserable. I'm living off campus so I haven't been able to mix easily with new people and don't know many people from home in college. I feel little motivation to get up most days and I'm finding my course mind-numbingly boring at the moment as it is still in the 'introductory' phase and probably won't move on to more interesting or challenging stuff until after Christmas.
Does anyone here know anything that could make me settle in better?
Edit: I appreciate any advice but I can't tell you how many people have said ''Have you tried joining a club or society?'' to me. I have and to be honest, the ones I've gone to are full of clique-ish fourth years. I've tried talking to people in these societies but it hasn't been working.
I can kind of see where you're coming from. I lived on my own in 1st and 2nd year of college. It was a 4 year course which i wasn't overly keen on. I didn't make many friends, but it was small class anyway. Most of them commuted/lived at home. The class was completely mismatched anyways, like being back in secondary school where there was a bitchy crew, a nerdy crew, and the odd ones out. I was one of those. But saying that, some of us stuck together and we went for lunch together most days. Nobody really went out.
I joined 2 clubs; both of which i didn't make friends because again, very cliquey..and just awkward. You'll be surprised at who you become friendly with in your class. Like for a few assignments, I paired up with a girl mainly because we both knew we were hard workers and we;d get the job done. Now, we are best friends.
So give it time. It's still early. It's a big transition. I was just gone 17 when I started college. Don't worry, everything will work out!
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Thank you everyone for your replies.challengemaster wrote: »What clubs/socs have you tried? Are they "safe bets", things you already did before college?
I'm gonna be honest I didn't really find any 'safe bets' as you describe them on fairs day. It's too late now anyway to join new ones.mrkiscool2 wrote: »1. Sit beside someone new in a lecture. It's really basic but it's amazing how many friends you can make doing this. Just pick someone new in a course and strike up a conversation before the lecture starts. You won't make a new friend every time (conflicting personalities, no shared interests etc) but you'd be surprised how quickly you'll meet people who you'd be mates with.
I've tried this but to be honest once the first few weeks are over, people become less impartial to speaking to random strangers as friend groups have been made so I don't think this really works anymore.mrkiscool2 wrote: »2. Attend any class, course or year parties. This is a no-brainer. Best place to make mates is at a bar where people in your year are. Pretty easy to do. I know it's tough since you live away from college but you'd know in advance the date of it so you can sort yourself somewhere to stay.
There haven't been any yet and if there were I would attend them. Most of my classes are enormous anyway so probably aren't suitable for any parties or nights out. I'm friendlyish with a class rep for one of my modules so I might get onto him to organize something before Christmas but to be honest the class is so big I can't see people biting.mrkiscool2 wrote: »3. Join a club or society. Trust me, it's nowhere near as cliquey as you think. Of course some societies and clubs are extremely cliquey (almost every debating society in the country has this problem) but not all societies or clubs are like that. Just find one, just one, and you'll be extremely happy.
They are cliquey and to be honest, I think they're actually not great for first years trying to settle into college. I actually have a good idea for a society that I'm hopefully going to get going in 2nd year.mrkiscool2 wrote: »As for your course being boring it's first year. A lot of courses can be like banging your head against the wall in first year because it's mostly just common-sense. Talk to someone (head of course, lecture) about how you are feeling about the course. They'll reassure you.
I'm willing to be patient in this regard. I've looked through the syllabus for after Christmas and into 2nd year and 3rd year and it does look a hell of a lot more interesting so I just have to endure the boredom at the minute. In saying that, most of my lectures have become intolerably boring and I can keep up by looking at the notes on Moodle anyway. If I don't go to lectures, I just feel guilty though
People I know hated college for the first few months. Honestly once you make one friend, they'll introduce you people and you'll know a bunch of people before you know it! I always found tutorials a good place to talk to people.
I have made one or two friends but they are mostly commuters so never go out and aren't willing to get involved in clubs and societies. I only have a tutorial in one module and oddly, there are also fourth years doing the module and most of my class seems to be full of them! Tutorials are so boring and unhelpful that I usually just sit down the back of the class on Facebook..yeah commuting to college is a real problem for people mixing in college, i found that. espically if u have to work after college in the evenings. i work around my college timetable , some evenings 4-7 or mornings 8-11. so every spare minute is lectures, tutorials then home. mite have an hour in middle where i eat at obriens or phoenix but i never have time to just hang around. i meet home friends for a miinute or two chat when on the way to a lecture thats all. i think i actually might have went a whole week in 1 st year without talking to one person! u do meet people over the years, im in 3rd year now, but it can very hard to actually have friendships with people u meet in tutorials, because next term they are gone into a differnet class, . commuting makes the traditional stereotype college life pretty hard.
I'd like to clear up that I am not a commuter, I am living in Maynooth in a digs-type accommodation. I have one housemate who is really shy and rarely seems to be home before 10pm as he is always in the library. We're doing different courses so rarely see each other during the day anyway.I can kind of see where you're coming from. I lived on my own in 1st and 2nd year of college. It was a 4 year course which i wasn't overly keen on. I didn't make many friends, but it was small class anyway. Most of them commuted/lived at home. The class was completely mismatched anyways, like being back in secondary school where there was a bitchy crew, a nerdy crew, and the odd ones out. I was one of those. But saying that, some of us stuck together and we went for lunch together most days. Nobody really went out.
I joined 2 clubs; both of which i didn't make friends because again, very cliquey..and just awkward. You'll be surprised at who you become friendly with in your class. Like for a few assignments, I paired up with a girl mainly because we both knew we were hard workers and we;d get the job done. Now, we are best friends.
So give it time. It's still early. It's a big transition. I was just gone 17 when I started college. Don't worry, everything will work out!
I'm willing to give it time and I know class sizes get smaller after the first semester. I'm doing a business course and the business school just seems to lump everyone from all business courses into the same introductory modules in 1st year so my classes are enormous. I should be able to get campus accommodation for next year and I think that will majorly improve my college experience. As I've already mentioned, I find most clubs and socs to be full of cliquey 4th years so I'm looking forward to possibly setting up one myself next year.Hit up the bar all day every day. You admit you are bored and the courses are only being introduced, so what have you go to lose by skipping the lectures? Get drunk, hit on people, see what happens. Snog in the pool changing rooms. Stroll around the farm grounds, have sex in the periodicals section of the library.
Go to the bar-ex with no organised place to stay - then use "where are you staying" as your guide on if you want to go home with them or not. You'll sort out your chat up routine if you've had to spend a few nights sleeping outdoors. I never went to Moyglare, and there were no on campus apartments in my day.
Take a leaf from the awntrepreneurs and startup sexiness. Fail fast, fail often, it is the only way you'll find yourself and what you can achieve.
I don't know what kind of joke you're trying to make but it isn't very funny to be honest.0 -
Thank you everyone for your replies.challengemaster wrote: »What clubs/socs have you tried? Are they "safe bets", things you already did before college?
I'm gonna be honest I didn't really find any 'safe bets' as you describe them on fairs day. It's too late now anyway to join new ones.mrkiscool2 wrote: »1. Sit beside someone new in a lecture. It's really basic but it's amazing how many friends you can make doing this. Just pick someone new in a course and strike up a conversation before the lecture starts. You won't make a new friend every time (conflicting personalities, no shared interests etc) but you'd be surprised how quickly you'll meet people who you'd be mates with.
I've tried this but to be honest once the first few weeks are over, people become less impartial to speaking to random strangers as friend groups have been made so I don't think this really works anymore.mrkiscool2 wrote: »2. Attend any class, course or year parties. This is a no-brainer. Best place to make mates is at a bar where people in your year are. Pretty easy to do. I know it's tough since you live away from college but you'd know in advance the date of it so you can sort yourself somewhere to stay.
There haven't been any yet and if there were I would attend them. Most of my classes are enormous anyway so probably aren't suitable for any parties or nights out. I'm friendlyish with a class rep for one of my modules so I might get onto him to organize something before Christmas but to be honest the class is so big I can't see people biting.mrkiscool2 wrote: »3. Join a club or society. Trust me, it's nowhere near as cliquey as you think. Of course some societies and clubs are extremely cliquey (almost every debating society in the country has this problem) but not all societies or clubs are like that. Just find one, just one, and you'll be extremely happy.
They are cliquey and to be honest, I think they're actually not great for first years trying to settle into college. I actually have a good idea for a society that I'm hopefully going to get going in 2nd year.mrkiscool2 wrote: »As for your course being boring it's first year. A lot of courses can be like banging your head against the wall in first year because it's mostly just common-sense. Talk to someone (head of course, lecture) about how you are feeling about the course. They'll reassure you.
I'm willing to be patient in this regard. I've looked through the syllabus for after Christmas and into 2nd year and 3rd year and it does look a hell of a lot more interesting so I just have to endure the boredom at the minute. In saying that, most of my lectures have become intolerably boring and I can keep up by looking at the notes on Moodle anyway. If I don't go to lectures, I just feel guilty thoughPeople I know hated college for the first few months. Honestly once you make one friend, they'll introduce you people and you'll know a bunch of people before you know it! I always found tutorials a good place to talk to people.
I have made one or two friends but they are mostly commuters so never go out and aren't willing to get involved in clubs and societies. I only have a tutorial in one module and oddly, there are also fourth years doing the module and most of my class seems to be full of them! Tutorials are so boring and unhelpful that I usually just sit down the back of the class on Facebook..yeah commuting to college is a real problem for people mixing in college, i found that. espically if u have to work after college in the evenings. i work around my college timetable , some evenings 4-7 or mornings 8-11. so every spare minute is lectures, tutorials then home. mite have an hour in middle where i eat at obriens or phoenix but i never have time to just hang around. i meet home friends for a miinute or two chat when on the way to a lecture thats all. i think i actually might have went a whole week in 1 st year without talking to one person! u do meet people over the years, im in 3rd year now, but it can very hard to actually have friendships with people u meet in tutorials, because next term they are gone into a differnet class, . commuting makes the traditional stereotype college life pretty hard.
I'd like to clear up that I am not a commuter, I am living in Maynooth in a digs-type accommodation. I have one housemate who is really shy and rarely seems to be home before 10pm as he is always in the library. We're doing different courses so rarely see each other during the day anyway.I can kind of see where you're coming from. I lived on my own in 1st and 2nd year of college. It was a 4 year course which i wasn't overly keen on. I didn't make many friends, but it was small class anyway. Most of them commuted/lived at home. The class was completely mismatched anyways, like being back in secondary school where there was a bitchy crew, a nerdy crew, and the odd ones out. I was one of those. But saying that, some of us stuck together and we went for lunch together most days. Nobody really went out.
I joined 2 clubs; both of which i didn't make friends because again, very cliquey..and just awkward. You'll be surprised at who you become friendly with in your class. Like for a few assignments, I paired up with a girl mainly because we both knew we were hard workers and we;d get the job done. Now, we are best friends.
So give it time. It's still early. It's a big transition. I was just gone 17 when I started college. Don't worry, everything will work out!
I'm willing to give it time and I know class sizes get smaller after the first semester. I'm doing a business course and the business school just seems to lump everyone from all business courses into the same introductory modules in 1st year so my classes are enormous. I should be able to get campus accommodation for next year and I think that will majorly improve my college experience. As I've already mentioned, I find most clubs and socs to be full of cliquey 4th years so I'm looking forward to possibly setting up one myself next year.Hit up the bar all day every day. You admit you are bored and the courses are only being introduced, so what have you go to lose by skipping the lectures? Get drunk, hit on people, see what happens. Snog in the pool changing rooms. Stroll around the farm grounds, have sex in the periodicals section of the library.
Go to the bar-ex with no organised place to stay - then use "where are you staying" as your guide on if you want to go home with them or not. You'll sort out your chat up routine if you've had to spend a few nights sleeping outdoors. I never went to Moyglare, and there were no on campus apartments in my day.
Take a leaf from the awntrepreneurs and startup sexiness. Fail fast, fail often, it is the only way you'll find yourself and what you can achieve.
I don't know what kind of joke you're trying to make but it isn't very funny to be honest.
I've found Maynooth to be a funny old place anyways. It certainly doesn't give the stereotypical college experience and I think people either love it or hate it. To be honest, I'm thinking of transferring to a Dublin college next year but I suppose it's still early days.0 -
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I totally understand the difficulty you mentioned with clubs/socs. I joined a handful of them in my first year, but in the end I only stuck to one because I felt intimidated / out of 'the loop' from the initial meeting.
On the plus side, societies bring together a heap of different people with at least one interest in common. I knew nobody coming to Maynooth and was a total introvert... but some of the friends I have now (none of which were in my class in 1st & 2nd year) are people I met at a society because I asked "So you're interested in this kinda stuff too?"
As for class nights out / parties, the size of your peer group will get smaller as the course goes on and you will eventually meet everyone without a night out. Don't feel pressured into going out and missing lectures the next morning; some of the people that focus too much on that side of things are the ones that won't make it to 4th year without a lot of stress and some repeat exams behind them.
First year can be a real challenge for most of us; new people, new surroundings, new material to learn.. so many things to get your head around.
I'm sure there's a lot of people still settling into college and feel similar to you, but you'll get through it. Best of luck 0
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