what to make of this throwaway remark?

LegacyUser

the other day in a deep conversation with my mother, she mentioned to me a chat she had a few days earlier with my sister, in which they were talking about me. she told me that during that chat with sis, something was 'brought up''. this something turned out to be a suspicion that I might be gay (male). now...wait for it....the reason why this was mentioned was because someone in my family (and on my friends list) thinks I could be gay because of the stuff I post on facebook. my mam said it was the way I express myself and the articulate words I use in my posts ( she's not on FB). However she for some reason she wont tell me where or who this came from and I doubt my sister would either. someone obviously mentioned it to my sister who in turn told my mother. I don't consider myself gay and so I view this as nonsense. where is the correlation between sexuality and behaviour on social media? I admit I post a lot of quotes and things that inspire me but I would hardly perceive this as gay.

I am genuinely curious as to who would say such a thing, but then again I might be left angry if I know their identity. it just seems like an ignorant put down to me, but perhaps I should just drop this whole thing. it says more of them than it does of me, certainly. I am also very suspicious as to why my mother wont just tell me outright who it is. who's arse is she protecting? I might ask my sister about this but part of me wants to let it lie and move on. it could be a joke but I doubt this because mam said it to me in a fairly serious tone as was the mood of the conversation.

I have felt a bit down recently so perhaps my mother wanted to rule this out as she has been worried about me being depressed and thought maybe It was because of my sexuality. but its not.

Op you're having a pretty extreme reaction to what could have been a genuine comment/concern. There's nothing wrong with being gay so regarding it as an 'ignorant put down' is a bit over the top.
Laugh and say that's funny, i wonder why they'd think that, and move on.

Matteroffact

Don't worry one iota about what others think. You know what you are and you are entitled to express yourself anyway you like. Tell them all to f... off, they have little to talk about.

Buona Fortuna

My Mother in Law said a similar thing about a cousin of my wife's. Something she had heard was on her FB page. She said I think she might be Lebanese.

I kid you not. The older generation were not made for FB or its ilk.

Sometimes people say stupid and insensitive things. Have a laugh about it or forget about it.

As Bluewolf said, so what if you are gay, its no one else's business.

Good Luck OP, put it behind you

LegacyUser

bluewolf wrote: »

Op you're having a pretty extreme reaction to what could have been a genuine comment/concern. There's nothing wrong with being gay so regarding it as an 'ignorant put down' is a bit over the top.
Laugh and say that's funny, i wonder why they'd think that, and move on.

of course theres nothing wrong with being gay, please don't think i was implying the opposite, its just I think there could be a childish, sniggery element to this from a certain individual. but things like this wont bother me in the long run, its just the big mystery that makes me wonder and dwell on it.

it was a deep, heated conversation so this only served to piss me off more as I was already in a fragile state without my sexuality being brought into it, so was in no position to laugh. any other day I would've been better equipped to just let it slide.

Barely There

Saying that you think someone is gay is not an insult - or at least it shouldn't be.

More importantly is not anyone's business.

I wouldn't let it bother you - why should it?

Tokyo

I too think you are reading far too much into this OP. In the same situation, I'd write it off as just one more thing on the growing list of wrong assumptions my family has made about me over the years. So yes, rather than trying to prove them wrong or getting angry, you should drop the whole thing.

Big Bag of Chips

I think the only thing you should take from this is how much your mother loves you. She obviously thought that maybe something was bothering you, and by mentioning it she was letting you know that whether you are gay or not makes no difference to her. Do you know how many people would like to have that absolute reassurance from their parents?

If you think somebody is sniggering at your posts on Facebook, either unfriend them, or sort your friends into groups. One group who can see everything you post. One group who can't. Then set your posts to only be seen by "Close friends" or whatever..

Easier to just delete people you don't want nosing on your stuff.

K_P

I understand where you're coming from - it's not that you think there's anything wrong with being gay, but you're upset that people were talking about you and making assumptions about you behind your back. I'd be very annoyed too.

To be honest though, forget about it. It was an ignorant thing to say on the part of whoever brought this up with your mother. But some people are just like that - always passing remarks on others. It'll be someone else next time. Dwelling on who it was and why they said it won't unsay it, it won't educate the ignorant person who said it and won't change anything, so try to move on.

Maybe look at changing your FB settings so only certain people and close friends can see most of what you post.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Lux23

Do you put all those inspirational quotes up and stuff? That isn't gay, just a bit feminine. Most gay guys I know would have fairly similar feeds to the straights guys I know.

thefeatheredcat

Was there anything lost in translation between what your sister said to your mother and what your mother made of it? Because my first thought it was someone being passive aggressive about you posting inspirational quotes and their annoyance to it, it being mentioned to your sister as a round about way to get you to stop posting those quotes or change who sees them, by equating that inspirational quotes makes you gay and it being misunderstood and taken up as a concern, rather than it being a passive aggressive remark by someone else to stop posting them, or draw attention to it not being appreciated.

I would go with Big Bag of Chips said and perhaps change the settings and put people into groups, or something like that.

emer_b

Maybe there isn't anyone commenting on your facebook posts. Maybe your mother and sister came up with this way of asking you about your sexuality so as to avoid having to be too upfront about just asking you straight out? It might have given your mother an easier way to broach the topic if she was anxious about asking you. It's possible.

LegacyUser

emer_b wrote: »

Maybe there isn't anyone commenting on your facebook posts. Maybe your mother and sister came up with this way of asking you about your sexuality so as to avoid having to be too upfront about just asking you straight out? It might have given your mother an easier way to broach the topic if she was anxious about asking you. It's possible.

its not. ive since learned who made the remark after a conversation with my sister who immediately told me who it was but asked me not to rock the boat, which I wont. it was an extended family member who is known for making off colour jokes and even mocking the disabled and those with down syndrome which I witnessed first hand, so they are not the most politically correct of people.

emer_b

Fair enough, glad you got to the bottom of it. Sounds like it's someone not worth worrying about!

LegacyUser

Tried to reply to this topic earlier but my post wasn't allowed so I will try to be more vague this time.
Hi OP I honestly wouldn't be worrying about something like this, it probably wasn't even meant as an insult, just somebody wondering, maybe? It is quite sad to me that these days people can call someone a btch or an ahle (you know what i mean) and nobody cares, but to call someone gay is seen as the biggest insult. This is really quite sad, and should not be the case.
Also to the poster who was saying that someone put a rumour about themselves on facebook, I don't think thats quite the same thing. (my family has a similar rumour regarding us being partly of that particular ethnicity,and I would have alluded to it myself on facebook the odd time, as I believe it to be true,but I don't understand what is so controversial about being from any certain ethnicity? Also, I would like to say that just because something is a rumour and not proven does not mean that it is not true. Some rumours are true). But anyways the point im trying to make is in my opinion there is a fair difference between saying something about yourself, and somebody else saying something, especially if this something happens to be untrue, as in the case of OP here.
Again, though OP, I wouldn't take it as an insult , as being gay (or of any particular ethnicity) should not be considered controversial or a big deal.
Please mods allow me to post this time, I have tried to make it as impersonal as i could, and i just want to express an opinion and I do not believe I am being offensive? thank you.

CaraMay

mrcactus wrote: »

its not. ive since learned who made the remark after a conversation with my sister who immediately told me who it was but asked me not to rock the boat, which I wont. it was an extended family member who is known for making off colour jokes and even mocking the disabled and those with down syndrome which I witnessed first hand, so they are not the most politically correct of people.

Block them on Facebook