Partner working away

Ckpippa

Hi I was just looking for some advice... My partner works away from moday to Friday then does a lot of work for family, friends etc. at weekends. We have a 5 year old and 1 year old and I'm also planning a wedding... As of late I have been extremely sick due to stress & anxiety and close friends and family members say I should put my foot down and he should be home. I know he means well and just wants to provide for us but as I have no other help it is very difficult for me and don't know what to do? Please help, thanks

Gongoozler

If you have spoken to him about all of this then it sounds like a very bad relationship, him putting everything and everyone before you. Does he make any time for you and your kids?

Ckpippa wrote: »

I'm also planning a wedding...

This part in particular stood out at me, You're planning the wedding. Does he want to get married?

Shrap

Ckpippa wrote: »

As of late I have been extremely sick due to stress & anxiety and close friends and family members say I should put my foot down and he should be home. I know he means well

Has your partner noticed this OP? If so, is he just choosing to ignore this (in which case "meaning well" doesn't really cut the mustard if he's not looking after you too) or have you been reassuring him that "I'm fine, don't mind me...go ahead and work"?

Barely There

You haven't posted any details about your work/financial situation, so it's impossible to tell if he can just give up the working away from Mon-Fri stuff.

But there's no excuse for him not spending his weekends concentrating on his own family.

It's kinda bad that you should even need to say this to him - Does he not want to spend time with his own partner and kids?

skallywag

Ckpippa wrote: »

...close friends and family members say I should put my foot down and he should be home...

Does he have employment options close to home?

homerjay2005

Gongoozler wrote: »

If you have spoken to him about all of this then it sounds like a very bad relationship, him putting everything and everyone before you. Does he make any time for you and your kids?

talk about hyperbole and rubbish. maybe the man has no option but to work all these hours to provide for his family and he actually is putting them first?

if the man is out working hard every day as the woman suggest, i think he deserves a bit of credit here as opposed to the barrage of critism that is starting to develop here.

Gongoozler wrote: »

This part in particular stood out at me, You're planning the wedding. Does he want to get married?

any wedding ive been to with close family/friends, has in the majority (outside of the main things such as hotel, church, courses) been 90% done by the woman. again, you are talking hyperbole here.

Gongoozler

homerjay2005 wrote: »

talk about hyperbole and rubbish. maybe the man has no option but to work all these hours to provide for his family and he actually is putting them first?

if the man is out working hard every day as the woman suggest, i think he deserves a bit of credit here as opposed to the barrage of critism that is starting to develop here.



any wedding ive been to with close family/friends, has in the majority (outside of the main things such as hotel, church, courses) been 90% done by the woman. again, you are talking hyperbole here.

You could hardly call two sentences a "barrage of criticism"

You should try being less offended on other's behalves.

skallywag

homerjay2005 wrote: »

any wedding ive been to with close family/friends, has in the majority (outside of the main things such as hotel, church, courses) been 90% done by the woman

I strongly agree.

Tokyo

Mod Note:
homerjay2005, Gongoozler - back on topic please. Rather than pulling apart each others posts, if you have advice to offer, offer it to the OP.

Regards,
Mike

miamee

Ckpippa wrote: »

Hi I was just looking for some advice... My partner works away from moday to Friday then does a lot of work for family, friends etc. at weekends. We have a 5 year old and 1 year old and I'm also planning a wedding... As of late I have been extremely sick due to stress & anxiety and close friends and family members say I should put my foot down and he should be home. I know he means well and just wants to provide for us but as I have no other help it is very difficult for me and don't know what to do? Please help, thanks

Have you spoken to him about it? If the extra work for family and friends at the weekend is paid work, he is probably doing his best to earn enough to support your family and pay for the wedding too. Maybe he is feeling stressed about the situation too but you won't know until you speak to him honestly about how the current situation is affecting you and the children - I'm sure they miss their daddy if he's hardly ever home.

homerjay2005

Ckpippa wrote: »

Hi I was just looking for some advice... My partner works away from moday to Friday then does a lot of work for family, friends etc. at weekends. We have a 5 year old and 1 year old and I'm also planning a wedding... As of late I have been extremely sick due to stress & anxiety and close friends and family members say I should put my foot down and he should be home. I know he means well and just wants to provide for us but as I have no other help it is very difficult for me and don't know what to do? Please help, thanks

Hey, i think you need to stop focusing on what your husband is and is not doing and just concentrate on doing your best for the kids.

in an ideal world he would be at home helping you, but unfortunately he is out there earning the money to keep the family going.

it will get easier as they get older, so for now just try to relax and do your best and forget about what others are telling you.

Ckpippa

I am not in employment at the minute as have no childcare options. I do know he is doing his best an working towards being qualified and having our own house also. I appreciate everything he does financially for our family especially as I cannot contribute right know due to kids and illness. For those of you who asked his work at weekends are just pay it forward jobs, no money involved. I do believe he is a workaholic and knew that when I met him 8 years ago.

piperh

My own experience of having a partner working away may cloud my judgment a little so if I appear harsh or unsympathetic I apologise in advance.

My partner worked away for 10 months solid only coming home once for a week at Christmas. I worked full time while raising 2 children and running the home. I admit it wasn't easy but the only way through it is to stop focusing on the fact he is not there and you are doing everything, you just need to deal with each day at a time.

You say family and friends so do have people around you, ask them for help even if it is just a couple of hours a week babysitting while you concentrate on the wedding or just get a nice peaceful bath. Your children are at an age when their bedtimes are still fairly early so an hour to recharge yourself in the evening might be possible.

Just keep reminding yourself it won't be like this forever.

Ckpippa

Thank you, I do try and focus on the positives as much as I can have just been harder since I have been ill... It has been for a year now so can be difficult to see and end to it and I also admit to being very proud and do not like asking for help to the 2 family members I can..

piperh

Ckpippa wrote: »

Thank you, I do try and focus on the positives as much as I can have just been harder since I have been ill... It has been for a year now so can be difficult to see and end to it and I also admit to being very proud and do not like asking for help to the 2 family members I can..

Don't focus on when it will end just believe it will. I also think in this instance you need to put yours and your childrens well being before pride and ask for help.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

meeeeh

Ckpippa wrote: »

I am not in employment at the minute as have no childcare options. I do know he is doing his best an working towards being qualified and having our own house also.

If I understood this correctly, you are renting? Is there an option of you and kids moving closer to his place of work and living together?

Ckpippa

I have also considered this option but he does not like the idea of it... I would also be giving up renting through the council (ras scheme) which is our best option financially

tinkerbell

Ok so whatever about your partner working long hours during the week and earning a living but him doing jobs for free for friends and family weekend after weekend which is causing his relationship to suffer is frickin ridiculous and he needs to stop it. No wonder he's working every weekend - these people are getting him to work for free! In return, they get to spend time with their families while your partner is slaving away. Whatever about helping out when necessary but this is just taking the piss and he's being taken for a fool. You need to speak to him. The free jobs have got to stop.