Horrible Mess

diddlysquat

I have been considering posting this for some time but it's difficult to put it all on paper.

I am with my boyfriend almost 2 years. We are both at fault for the problems and I know I made mistakes too. I am just so lost in the mess that I can't see clearly what to do or how much is my fault. Just for background, I am 24, he is 28.

This was my first relationship and I wanted to take it slowly sex wise. Something he seemed willing to do. Early on in the relationship (1-2 months in) I found out that he was messaging another girl. It was flirtatious but nothing happened from what I gather, as she was otherwise interested in someone else. However he was arranging to meet her out one night alone in a pub. At the same time, I found out that he was still contacting his ex gf (he told me they had split 2 months before we started together). She sent an explicit photo to his phone. When I found this out first, we fought and I ended it. However I loved him and as a first relationship I was stupid. He also threatened to hurt himself or run from the country and I panicked and ended up comforting him.

When these things happened so early on with us (before sex), it caused me to have apprehensions and I guess I delayed having sex with him longer. I found out many more lies in the meantime, he was on a dating website (he said it was an old profile and he was just checking it) to lying about smoking weed (which I did not care about but I wanted him to be honest).

After 8 months together we tried to have sex and we have tried several times since. It just isn't happening. The pain is unbearable and I think I have some mental block (perhaps there is something physical). I have been too worried to go to the doctor. This was my fault, I know that. I know I should have gone to the dr and tried to sort it. I know a man needs sex. I guess after everything that had happened until that point, I had so many doubts about it.

THings got worse this year. In January this year, he began working with a girl. He began messaging her , she was hot, good looking etc. I fought with him. He promised it would not happen again. BUt it continued. Now by the nature of his work, it was not possible to cut his contact with her and I understand this. However, I saw messages where he was referring to me in derogatory terms to her and allowing her to speak the same way about me. He would tell her to stop messaging as I was coming to see him. He lied frequently telling me was going to sleep when he would go see her. I even found messages where he she was asking him to sleep in her home. Still he denies sleeping with her. I gave him so many chances but he never left her. Now eventually I found out that she left him as they fought.

I only recently found the extent of how bad that situation was. I also only recently found out he met up again with his ex gf about 9 months into our relationship and did so behind my back. Obviously I can't prove what happened during that time, but he always told me tat he could call her any time for sex and she would come.

I thought my nightmare had finished but I recently found him again on a dating website. I asked him why after he begged so many times for chances and a new start together. Why do this. He said because he needs sex and I can't give it. THis was astounding honesty for him by the way.

He is blaming me and I can't help feeling that he is partly right. I have tried to have sex with him but the pain is really unbearable. I feel like everything is my fault for not arranging to see a dr to fix the problem. I love him very much and he knows this. I just have no confidence or self worth left. My life is a constant worry about what he is doing.

Please be honest, if you think I am really to blame. 2 years without sex is not good. To be honest I also feel the relationship is emotionally abusive. When I was accusing him of talking to that girl behind my back, he would tell me (and my friends that knew) that I was crazy and imagining it. He has great ability to turn things around. He will tell me why am I fighting with him and don't understand him when he has so much stress in his life.

I'm just lost. Sorry for the long post but I don''t feel I can talk to anyone. If I am wrong too then please tell me. Would any man who is not getting sex cheat in this way? He also tells me that no other man will stay with me without sex and with this problem. He makes me feel that I should be grateful

diddlysquat

Sorry I was trying to edit my post and ended up posting the same thread twice. Could the mods please delete the other one. Sorry and thanks

skirtgirl

Op I am on my phone so can't write a long reply. Please leave this relationship for your own mental well being. You deserve a man that cares about your needs and wants. Regarding the sex part a relationship is not wholly based on sex. The relationship he is having with you at the moment is toxic. You can do a million times better. When you find the right man sex will happen the way it should.( also a relationship is about lots of other things like trust and respect which he lacks)

skinny90

diddlysquat wrote: »

Mod Snip: Original Post - no need to quote the whole thing as it makes life difficult for mobile users, please only quote key parts.

Guys response:
Clearly this guy see's that your naive in the situation and is manipulating how you should feel...you shouldn't feel lost or annoyed. this guy has messed around with you from the start and after been giving a second or third chance he has done the same again and again.
This is not how relationships work between two people. Yes sex is important in any relationship and for your own advice Id go to your doctor ASAP just to insure everything is ok but std check just to ensure your clean seeing as he was sleeping with other people.
I would try if you can just try and forget about your experience and all those with it with this guy.talk to people...go to the gym, do what ever you can to grow and gain confidence in yourself because I can't imagine how you would feel after this.
Back to the sex issue you must always remember that everyone is different both lads and girls. just because it didn't feel right between you and this guy doesn't mean you won't get to live a healthy sex life in the future

CaraMay

You are not both to blame - he is. He's very abusive.

Gatling

Get to your gp and get a referral for a gynecologist ,(if its what im thinking they can help) with the painful sex issue
For the relationship walk away sounds like this guy has been unfaithful since day one ,i honestly cant see why you're still together ,it sound's dysfunctional and toxic

Teyla Emmagan

You need to forget about this guy OP. He is no good for you. You also need to speak to a GP about the painful sex thing. If it's a mental issue causing you to clamp up then you'll only overcome it with someone you are really happy and comfortable with i.e. not this fella.

Shrap

Feeling very sorry for you here OP. I hate that he's taken such advantage of your feelings and manipulated you into thinking you're to blame. I suggest you take a stance immediately - get it into your head you are NOT to blame for any of this - neither are you to blame for the inevitable mud-slinging that he will carry on when you leave him (please leave him!).

So...poor stressed out man has managed to make you feel like some kind of freak after emotionally abusing you, carrying on with multiple other women (even if it wasn't physical), telling you you're "lucky" to have him.....Jesus H. Christ, what a w*nker. No wonder you have experienced such discomfort when you've attempted sex with him - he's a manipulative power-freak.

There may be a physical issue for you OP, but there are ways of finding that out and addressing this (you should for sure go to your GP and explain things). Maybe it is an emotional blockage, since you've been so wound up by this nutcase and you just felt so wrong about the whole experience. Either way, if you leave him, one day you'll find the lovely person you deserve who will help you explore sex on your terms and understand if you feel uncomfortable and distressed about it.

Get rid of the dead-beat OP, he's dragging you down and doing you a lot of damage here.

allym

You'd be surprised just how much our mind and body are connected. If you're not feeling 100% comfortable and ready for sex (and no wonder you wouldn't with this guy!) then you can have a physical block that is very difficult to overcome. There may also be a physical reason, so going to see a doctor would be no harm.


But the first thing is get rid of this waste of space. He doesn't love you or care about you. He's abusing you and preying on your insecurities to make you feel bad. He's a bad person and you need to get away.

He'll probably cry, beg you to stay, say you'll never find anyone else that loves you. But after 2 years you know he will never change. Don't let that 2 years become 3.

Get out now.

heretochat

This guy is preying on your inexperience and is using it to his own ends.

He is a serial cheat and what he is doing to you is emotional abuse.

Dump him asap and find a guy who will treat you with the respect that you deserve. There are many decent ones out there and don't let your experience with this cretin blind you to that fact

Take care of yourself

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

You are not both to blame - he is. He's very abusive.

+1 from a guy
I didnt even have to read the entire post by halfway I knew.
He is abusive and exploitative.

Manipulating you to get sex. He sounds like a dirtbag and lowlife making out you have issues because of his behaviour (esp with other women).
Clearly your body is telling you something is up with this guy. Listen to it!!! Help your head decide that he is bad news and not what you need.
There are nicer guys more respectful guys and guys that can make you happy.

My advice ditch him quickly

strobe

diddlysquat wrote: »

Mod Snip: Original Post - no need to quote the whole thing as it makes life difficult for mobile users, please only quote key parts.l

If he can't cope with not having sex, then, if he loved you, the right thing to do would be to end the relationship, not to cheat on you, as he has to be fully aware how much cheating on you is hurting you, and if you love someone you want to do anything you can to avoid hurting them.

Telling you that no other man will stay with you without sex is a very cruel and manipulative thing to do. As is threatening to hurt himself if you leave him. It's very scummy behaviour. Someone wouldn't do something like that to someone they love.

Your problem isn't that uncommon, for most girls it'll resolve itself with patience and understanding and perseverance and when they are comfortable with someone. You should go to the doc just to rule out anything physical though. But it's a separate issue to this guy (well not entirely - the way he has treated you has probably worsened things). He's not a nice guy and he's treating you very badly. You should not be in a relationship with him.

diddlysquat

Thank you to everyone that took the time to reply. I agree I need to go to a GP and get this sorted. If for nothing else but to at least allow myself to think that I can make a new relationship in the future. At the minute, I really do find myself thinking that nobody else would want me like this.

It took me so long to post this here (months in fact), as I was sure that posters would say it was my fault in the majority. My head really is stuck on that point at the moment after listening to it so often. I keep thinking that maybe if I had tried sooner with him to have sex or gone to a GP quicker then he may not have went to these other women. Part of me has been justifying his behaviour in my head, trying to prove to myself that I was wrong so that I could reason how to stay with him, because I love him and want to believe he loves me.

I know logically that if he loved me then he should have left me rather than cheat on me. Then I make silly excuses that maybe he loved me and didn't want to leave me but needed sex and found this was the only solution to keep the relationship going.

I am terribly unhappy in this relationship. The stress of whether he is cheating again and almost waiting for it to happen is crippling. If this were any other situation in life then I would run. I know he does not make me happy any more but I can't understand why I am clawing for his attention and love still. I know its ridiculous and I don't know how he has this hold on me.

He showed me a different person and personality in the first few months but I guess this was all a fantasy. I can't understand what he wants with me if he does not love me.

Is it really possible that a man could go 2 years without sex in a relationship if he really loved the person. It is so frustrating to try because he thinks that this amount of pain is normal and that I am just not trying enough to bear with it until it gets better and we actually have sex. He gets angry at me for this reason, which only makes the problem worse to have someone shouting at you. He has basically given up trying. He constantly tells me how gorgeous other girls are, how good looking some of my friends are etc. It just makes me feel like ****. I think he resents me a lot sometimes and tries to put me down.

skinny90

All signs are pointing towards you needing to cut contact 100% with this guy...he his a cheater. As mentioned before he is taken advantage of your inexperience and putting you in a naive state of mind.I suggust you end it ASAP

diddlysquat

Just want to add to my above post (I can't get the edit post feature to work for me) a little further background. Shortly after our relationship started I had to move for work for 5 months. During this time, when I was away and we only saw each other on weekends (he always travelled to me, a 3 hour journey), he was definitely the more eager one.

He seemed to be constantly paranoid that I was not being honest. He wanted to know where I was at all times and insisted I show my location on my messages. We would talk non stop throughout every day (outside working hours). Therefore he always knew where I was. There would never be longer than 10 mins where we would not text. If I missed a reply or call then it was war, or if I took too long to reply. He was genuinely stressed that I was hiding something if I was too busy to reply. I changed a lot to suit the relationship.

Then when we both started living in the same city, things changed. At the start, he didn't want me going anywhere without him and would snap and shout at me in public if I was gone longer than I said I would be. Then things changed as he needed distance to carry on with this girl. He began pushing me away. This left me fighting for his attention. To go from being contacted every second of the day and being made to feel that you are so important to someone, to being suddenly pushed away was heartbreaking. Particularly as I loved him so much and I knew something was wrong but he would deny it. Life became a constant battle to prove he was cheating.

And if I ask him about anything when we are in public then he will shout at me because he knows that it embarrasses me and I will stop.

It has gotten to the point that he does something wrong and I am the one calling him to try discuss why he did it. He insists on wanting to marry me and a future with me but cheats. He was like a different guy at the start. I think part of me is still clinging to that guy.

Maybe not relevant but thought I would include it

Two Tone from Limehouse

diddlysquat wrote: »

Mod Snip: Original Post - no need to quote the whole thing as it makes life difficult for mobile users, please only quote key parts.

I'm no angel, and I don't like passing judgement normally, but this guy sounds like a beast to me. Get rid of him. I'm a bloke and I've done a few wayward things down the years but this is just scandalous what he's doing. If somebody treated my sister / nieces like that if have him run out of town

Stavro Mueller

OP I think you're letting the (admittedly concerning) painful sex issue get in the way of the real problem here. The more I read about this horrible horrible man, the more I wish he'd fall under a bus or something and be gone from your life. My worry is that if you solve the sex issue and begin to sleep with this odious creature, you're going to bury your head in the sand and think everything's alright now.

Would you consider chatting to a counsellor? Or picking up the phone to Women's Aid for a chat? You don't have to be physically knocked around to be in an abusive relationship. Also, do you have anyone in your life you can turn to? You don't have to give them the gory details.

diddlysquat

Two Tone from Limehouse wrote: »

I'm no angel, and I don't like passing judgement normally, but this guy sounds like a beast to me. Get rid of him. I'm a bloke and I've done a few wayward things down the years but this is just scandalous what he's doing. If somebody treated my sister / nieces like that if have him run out of town

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It all started off so slowly. I just compromised on one thing and then another and before I knew it I was here. It was so gradual. I know it must be hard to understand and if my sister was in this situation I would to pull her from it. What was normal started to change for me.

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

OP I think you're letting the (admittedly concerning) painful sex issue get in the way of the real problem here. The more I read about this horrible horrible man, the more I wish he'd fall under a bus or something and be gone from your life. My worry is that if you solve the sex issue and begin to sleep with this odious creature, you're going to bury your head in the sand and think everything's alright now.

Would you consider chatting to a counsellor? Or picking up the phone to Women's Aid for a chat? You don't have to be physically knocked around to be in an abusive relationship. Also, do you have anyone in your life you can turn to? You don't have to give them the gory details.

Two of my friends know most of the situation, but I feel embarrassed about the sex side of things. This also makes me feel like I am given an unfair portrayal of the situation though as I am not telling my bad side also.

Anyway, both think i should leave. One was originally a friend of my bfs and has completely turned against him because of this. Due to this and her taking my side, he turned against her and it got to the point where me and her sneak around to see each other so he does not find out, to save me the fighting that follows. On the times that he has found out, then he used this to justify his contacting the girl in question. His opinion was why should he stop talking to the girl he was carrying on with who he maintained was just a friend, when I would not stop talking to my friend (previously his friend) who has a problem wit him. He used it as an excuse to keep doing what he was doing. It got to the point that I stopped meeting my friend for fear that he would be annoyed and go to this girl (which he was doing anyway).

Apart from them, I don't really have anyone else I could explain it to. Nobody else would understand me.

Stavro Mueller

How would you feel about giving Women's Aid a call and chatting to someone there? 1800 341 900.

Also OP, this issue you have is far far bigger than not being able to have sex. It's simply the hook he (and you) are using to hang this emotional abuse on. So what if you're no angel yourself? It still doesn't make what he's doing right.

Not one person on this thread has said you should stay with him and try to work it out. Your friends think he should leave. What does that tell you? Stop thinking the lack of sex is the main issue. It isn't. You are in a toxic emotionally abusive relationship which is steadily but surely destroying you. This man is getting some sort of kick out of treating you like dirt. It's not love. Thank God you're not having sex with him because I dread to think what life you'd be giving any children you might have. What sort of example would you be giving them?

I'd like to think that you starting this thread on boards means you sense this is all wrong and that it's the beginning of you finding the strength to leave.

Taltos

diddlysquat wrote: »

Is it really possible that a man could go 2 years without sex in a relationship if he really loved the person. It is so frustrating to try because he thinks that this amount of pain is normal and that I am just not trying enough to bear with it until it gets better and we actually have sex. He gets angry at me for this reason, which only makes the problem worse to have someone shouting at you. He has basically given up trying. He constantly tells me how gorgeous other girls are, how good looking some of my friends are etc. It just makes me feel like ****. I think he resents me a lot sometimes and tries to put me down.

Ah god OP. Just read that section a few times to yourself.

1. Is is possible? For some yes, but in his case he has been cheating so he has not gone for 2 years.
2. Trying to convince you that level of pain is normal and to bear with it - get rid of him now. That level of pain is not normal. How anyone can think so is beyond me, except that only an extremely selfish son of a b*** would ever try to tell someone to bear with it. Unbelievable.
3. Putting you down - this is classic manipulator / abuser behaviour. Added to your later post on his jealousy and asking you loads of questions it's clear to me at least that he is a cheater, he won't change and the only reason he cares about you is to try to get his end off (sorry for being so crass) and because he thinks he can get away with it.

Sever all ties immediately.
Go see a GP - maybe something is wrong, but maybe there isn't, but at least get a professional to tell you that. Either way get rid of this parasite. Men like that don't deserve to be called men, he's lower than a leech or a slug, but at least they have a purpose in llife.

Yurt2

diddlysquat wrote: »

I have been considering posting this for some time but it's difficult to put it all on paper.

. She sent an explicit photo to his phone. When I found this out first, we fought and I ended it. However I loved him and as a first relationship I was stupid. He also threatened to hurt himself or run from the country and I panicked and ended up comforting him.

diddlysquat wrote: »

After 8 months together we tried to have sex and we have tried several times since. It just isn't happening. The pain is unbearable and I think I have some mental block (perhaps there is something physical). I have been too worried to go to the doctor. This was my fault, I know that. I know I should have gone to the dr and tried to sort it. I know a man needs sex. I guess after everything that had happened until that point, I had so many doubts about it.

diddlysquat wrote: »

To be honest I also feel the relationship is emotionally abusive. When I was accusing him of talking to that girl behind my back, he would tell me (and my friends that knew) that I was crazy and imagining it. He has great ability to turn things around. He will tell me why am I fighting with him and don't understand him when he has so much stress in his life.

Threatening to hurt himself and blaming you, coercing you into sexual acts when you don't want it and gaslighting you. This is the full gamut of psychological, physical and emotional abuse. The man is trash and you need to remove him from your life with a scalpel.

Yurt2

The gaslighting (turning reality on it's head and telling you YOU'RE the one who's crazy) is something I went through myself with an OH. It's insidious, manipulative and very damaging to your spirit when you give in to the abuse and start to question yourself. I'm glad you're speaking up, and take it from me, your instincts are correct. This person is a manipulator and will do more harm to you if you let him remain in your life and headspace. You deserve better.

Stavro Mueller

Just to add OP. You say this is your first relationship and doing the maths, that means you were 22 when you got with this guy. Were you someone who never really got any male attention up until then? I ask because I wonder are you afraid of being single again and are afraid that no other man will want you? It's human nature to want to be in a relationship and I'm sure you were delighted when you got with this guy. I've read down through all you've written again and it has made me both very sad and very angry. Worse than this is my feeling that you're not going to walk away If you feel this awful after a mere two years, imagine what you'll be like in 5 years time. 10 years time. Nothing would make me happier than for you to update this thread in the near future (you're not under any obligation to do this, by the way) and tell us that you've found the courage to kick this horrible man to the kerb.

diddlysquat

Thanks to everyone for the replies.

The stress and constant rejection alone is so unbearable that I can't take it any longer. One of my friends advised me months ago to move away for a month or two to gain perspective on the situation and to get that distance needed to break his hold. At the time, I thought this was a step to far.

However, I think she may be right. I have tried several times in the past to finish it, but in the end it never works. He ends up telling me he is stressed about something and needs my help, or telling me he loves me and temporarily changing. I am just not strong enough any more. I know I could not face seeing him or his friends if we are not together. Or having to think of him going out at the weekends and meeting someone new, being finally replaced. I just couldn't handle it because I still love him.

I also can't picture being without him, even though in reality, most of the time I am begging for his attention.

To be honest, after reading the replies, I can't believe they are in response to my life. I guess I can't see how bad this situation is. I feel like I am reading about someone else because my situation surely could not look that bad to people outside it. I know I only told the bad points, obviously he did good things for me too but clearly that does not correct the balance.

My gut feeling was that this is a bad situation, but I doubt my judgement so much now that I could not be certain. I thought maybe we were equally to blame or that I was being insecure. Thanks to everyone for giving me an objective unbiased opinion. The more I read them, the more I can see that all the responses are the same. This helps me believe that what I was feeling was justified and that I was not being unfair on him.

Stavro Mueller

Are you in a position to move away like your friend has advised?

diddlysquat

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

Just to add OP. You say this is your first relationship and doing the maths, that means you were 22 when you got with this guy. Were you someone who never really got any male attention up until then? I ask because I wonder are you afraid of being single again and are afraid that no other man will want you? It's human nature to want to be in a relationship and I'm sure you were delighted when you got with this guy. I've read down through all you've written again and it has made me both very sad and very angry. Worse than this is my feeling that you're not going to walk away If you feel this awful after a mere two years, imagine what you'll be like in 5 years time. 10 years time. Nothing would make me happier than for you to update this thread in the near future (you're not under any obligation to do this, by the way) and tell us that you've found the courage to kick this horrible man to the kerb.

Sorry was posting a response when you typed the above

I got some male attention before him, not a lot. Up until that point I was quite defensive about letting people close to me. Unfortunately, he seemed perfect at the start and I let him in fully.

To be honest I would not mind being single again at all in theory. However I think I would miss having someone to do things with, calling me to see I am ok. But I know that these things should come without all the bad stuff too. THere is already a guy who I have repeatedly turned down lately because I have a bf. So its not like I am facing a future alone. I just don't seem to want anyone else. It's almost like an addiction, a very unhealthy one.

I have always had confidence issues so I am sure I was an easy target.

I wish I could promise you that I will end it. I don't want to make promises because I know my resolve is strong after I talk to my friends and see these responses, but so many times before I ended it, only to go back and repeat the cycle. One thing after reading this thread, I know now that I definitely should leave and that I should not feel guilty.

diddlysquat

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

Are you in a position to move away like your friend has advised?

Yes I could. This is not my hometown and I am currently working but only to save for further study. I have stalled my career somewhat because I can't handle added stress on top of what I am facing.

I doubt my ability to end the relationship unless I am completely away from him though. He has a very tight emotional hold on me and that is the honest truth.

Stavro Mueller

Can you afford to talk to a counsellor?

stop animal cruelty

OP, read your post as if it were someone elses, or one of your friends.

You NEED to get out of this relationship - seriously the only person that needs love here is you, and lm sorry to be blunt, but this guy does not love you. He is controlling and knows he can control you, because you don't seem to stand up for yourself. You deserve so much better, this is not a healthy relationship and it will never be. Please please please please leave this guy and work on yourself. Its the best and most kind thing you could do for yourself.

I know its scary the thoughts of being single again and never finding a guy again - l came out of my 1st relationship a month ago - l was so depressed had to go on antidespressents - now my ex didnt treat me like your bf did, but he really really hurt me, thought he loved me - but sense lv thought about it he cleary didnt, and now lm starting to realise him ending the relationship was the BEST thing he ever did for me. Believe me, things do get better, yes l have my bad days, but ld have many more if l stayed with him. l could go on about it but wont cause its about you......you will regret staying with this guy, and if you do end things with him, l promise you 1 day you will thank yourself for it. Hes not worth all this.

F*uk him.

Taltos

OP the sad fact is the longer you stay with him the lower your confidence will become until that day maybe not too far away where you won't ever think of leaving him again, instead you'll exist with him, being beaten down daily, suffering horrendous pain while he tells you to suck it up, and just hoping for a smile or a compliment, neither of which will be meant, instead he'll be smiling at his domination of you or giving you a compliment as you would hold a carrot out to a donkey.

Please have a look at the charter, there are links there for organisations who can help you, you just need to pick up the phone. - Women's Aid - (1800 341 900)
Whether you can accept it or not, you are in an abusive relationship and I don't think the abuser ever just wakes up one day a different person, a prince charming, they are always a toad but you deserve so much more than to be his ego boost.

He won't get better
He will continue to play mind games
He will continue to use emotional blackmail to keep you there
He will slowly widen the gap between you and your friends (your escape), and convince you it was their choice to abandon you
He will continue to cheat, and tell you sure it's your fault anyway he can't keep it in his pants

It is only going to get worse, it's up to you do you really want to be there for that?
Being alone is scary, but you know what if you stick to it with support, it can be liberating and ultimately for now that is what you need.

Stavro Mueller

There are people who've posted here who have turned to Women's Aid and found them great. I think picking up the phone to them and having a chat with someone would do you a world of good. They understand exactly what it is like to be trapped in an awful relationship like yours and how hard it is to break free. One phone call won't hurt.

shalalala

Just to echo everyone else. Leave him. Honestly, from experience, life gets slightly worse then it gets a lot better.

It gets slightly worse because you will be heart broken and lonely. But keep yourself busy. Meet new people (not men) go to counselling and fill your time with your career and hobbies and friends. Soon you will become the woman you were before him only stronger.

Be grateful you never had sex with him. You never gave yourself to him fully so you cannot regret that. In time you will wonder why you stayed with him and will regret it. You don't need more. He would have just put you down sexually too. I would visit a gp but a few sessions of counselling might do the trick. Dont do it for him! Do it for you.

I really hope you take advice on this thread from people looking in and people that have been on your situation. Good luck x