About to become a single parent.

LegacyUser

So the relationship with my partner of 10 years is breaking down. We do both liove each other but we are both very angry, spiteful,unhappy people. We take our frustrations out on each other and things escalate very quickly from getting on fine to having a full blown screaming match where our aim seems to be saying the most hurtful things possible to each other.

We are both out of work and have very little money, which is a source of conflict as he is very careless with what little money we have. Would think nothing of spending his dole money the second he gets it on stupid things.
Now, the big problem is that we have just become first time parents to twins. I won't be able to cope alone and I am so embarrassed to admit that things have gotten this bad between my partner and I. My family never liked him and have always implied that I could do better etc... I feel like they will be happy when they find out things are this bad.
We don't live very close to them and I have no friends. I really don't know how I am going to cope with all this.

I am also confined to the house as I don't have a car or a buggy so on top of everything I am basically trapped in the house and am going to have ask a family member to drive over 1hr30mins if I need to go to the shop.
I'm feeling so helpless, I don't know what to do.

m'lady

All alone wrote: »

So the relationship with my partner of 10 years is breaking down. We do both liove each other but we are both very angry, spiteful,unhappy people. We take our frustrations out on each other and things escalate very quickly from getting on fine to having a full blown screaming match where our aim seems to be saying the most hurtful things possible to each other.

We are both out of work and have very little money, which is a source of conflict as he is very careless with what little money we have. Would think nothing of spending his dole money the second he gets it on stupid things.
Now, the big problem is that we have just become first time parents to twins. I won't be able to cope alone and I am so embarrassed to admit that things have gotten this bad between my partner and I. My family never liked him and have always implied that I could do better etc... I feel like they will be happy when they find out things are this bad.
We don't live very close to them and I have no friends. I really don't know how I am going to cope with all this.

I am also confined to the house as I don't have a car or a buggy so on top of everything I am basically trapped in the house and am going to have ask a family member to drive over 1hr30mins if I need to go to the shop.
I'm feeling so helpless, I don't know what to do.

You poor thing, it's not an easy situation for you. I know you said you've very little money but would you both even try and consider getting couples counselling, I'm sure there is reduced rates at a community based service, maybe try and salvage your 10 year relationship, if you both love one another... At least you both can say you tried?
Your partner is being irresponsible in regards to money, and that needs to be addressed as it has to be causing a lot of the a rows/tension in the house.
However I think the fact that you both will say the most hurtful things to one another needs to be spoken about when things are calm, as your both contributing to a very toxic relationship, this can can get worse and it's very hard to turn back, and also impossible to take back the hurtful things you've said.

As a side note, your possibly entitled to a grant from your community welfare officer towards a buggy, maybe look into that? Or I'm sure you could try and source one at a charity shop or even try Saint Vincent de Paul, who are meant to be very accommodating.

CaraMay

I think a lot if local shops do deliveries now so that may help you out.

Is it mainly tiredness causing these rows? Can he give you his file when it comes in and you give it to him as needed? Is he looking for work? Useful with the babies?

Ave Sodalis

OP, first and foremost, becoming a single parent is not the worst thing in the world and being a single parent is far far better than kids growing up in a toxic environment. There are plenty of single parents in the world.

There are several finance options you have available for you, I wouldn't worry a huge amount about money. It'll be tough but not impossible. With SW, you should be able to pay rent (although you may have to move if you're somewhere like Dublin) and run a car. It may not be the biggest house in the world, but it will be a roof and it won't be the best car in the world but one that can pass the NCT every year. Contact a SW officer to find out your options.

Also, my biggest piece of advice if you do go through with the break up, don't go near After Hours. It's a very unrealistic view of single parents and generally from people who don't know what they're talking about. For your own sanity, I'd stay away.

Now this is if the relationship breaks down. However, there's still options such as the ones mentioned above.