He's Moving Away

LegacyUser

I've been seeing this guy for a year now and we've been exclusive since early Summer and getting on great. Since we started dating he's been in a dead end job that he can't stand and that all too familiar tale of being highly qualified yet not finding work in his qualification area.

Tonight he dropped the bomb on me that he did a Skype interview for a job in London and has scored himself an internship for a great job over there. I'm happy for him but I feel guilty because part of me wants him not to have been offered it. I'm devastated that he's moving in December and I'll probably barely see him and the general realisation that we cannot be, just when things were starting to get good.

I know its not like we're in a LTR and we never officially called ourselves BF/GF but for the past couple of months I've come to realise that I'm in love with him.

I don't know what to do with myself and know to tell him how I feel would be unfair as he's genuinely excited about the internship and the prospect of moving to London.

Ann84

I went through similar recently AGAIN in my relationship, albeit we will be going out 3 years in January...
And my advice is long distance is entirely doable...

My question is why aren't you even suggesting it? You seem to have entirely bypassed the idea of comtinuing the relationship when he moves and gone straight to its over, is that wrong?

London is a 1 hour flight, lots of couples commute that and more... 2 years ago my partner moved for his job and we did a year of Belfast - cork (which is a 5 and a bit hour drive after work on a Friday!)
We saw each other about every 3 weeks and made it work, it wasn't easy... We missed each other lots but we love each other and kept focused on the long game... And text chat and FaceTime a lot!

He came home, we swore never again and yet here we are a year later doing a similar distance! It's harder now as we are talking about progressing our relationship but we will just have to figure that out.
I suppose to summarise, talk about the idea of trying long distance, if he is interested, work out how that would work, make a schedule of dates to see each other, even book flights now while they are cheap at least for the first month, give yourselves something to look forward to, maybe you go visit him first, help him settle in, meet his housemates etc...

It doesn't have to be the end, if you love him and he loves you... It can work.

CaraMay

Did you talk to him about the future if your relationship?

NeonCookies

I'm in agreement with Ann84. Don't just assume the relationship is over. Although you do need to sit down and really talk about it. Don't see it as ruining his excitement, I'm sure he's thinking about it too. You can still be super delighted for him while being upset at things changing - don't feel like that's wrong!

Is his plan to only stay there for a year or does he see it as a permanent move (bearing in mind that this could change either way depending on if he loves it, hates it, is given a great opportunity there etc) If he sees it as permanent would you be willing to move there in a few years yourself? If you're unwilling to move there will he be willing to continue job searching in Ireland and move back given an opportunity?

It will be a scary chat as you aren't really together that long and maybe haven't really spoken about the future that much but I think it's a crucial talk to have. If things don't end up working out, at least you won't have the regret of htings left unsaid. Don't go into long distance without having a clear idea of the end point where you both want to be, I think it would be too hard otherwise. If you go for it set clear expectations together in terms of contact, visits etc.

Just to give you my experience of long distance. My boyfriend and I were together just over 3 years when I got a great internship opportunity in Europe. We'd just got back from travelling together for a year, and I moved away. We were a 3 hour flight apart, saw each other maybe every 2 months for a year. It was very tough, but we made it work. My plan was only to stay for a year, but plans change as I mentioned above (it's important to be flexible) and I loved it and wanted to stay - so my boyfriend is here with me now! Like Ann84, we'd sworn never to end up long distance again, but now our plans for next year involve university courses in different parts of the country so it's looking like here we go again!