New manager & embarrassing incident

LegacyUser

Have to post annon for this. I've recently moved back home for personal reasons and got an interview for a great job that I'm very lucky to maybe have. The only thing is the manager gives me the creeps. A few years ago I was young and stupid and was at a house party and stupidly had drunken sex with a guy in the sitting room of someone's house. There were other people at the party in another room but there was a guy in the room we were in too. I was pretty out of it but I remember looking over and seeing this guy masterbating to us having sex and he even ejaculated on himself (tmi I'm sorry). I honestly didn't care at the time as I was so drunk but I've seen him a few times since at Christmas and the odd weekend at home and he's always staring at me and smirking. He has never spoken to me ever. Anyway fast forward over five years and he is now the manager of this new job! I'm pretty certain I have the position available and it's everything I've ever wanted but I just do not know what I'm going to do about this guy and how I'm going to face everyday. Will I just tell them I'm not interested or will I take it and act like I know nothing? Help!!

Rubberchikken

5 years is a long time. Do you think he'd actually recognise you?

Whatever about what you decided to do that night, he didnt do anything to be proud of, so maybe he'd be embarrassed if he did recognise you and might be willing to keep quiet.

How badly do you want to do the job? If you'd be comletely miserable then it's not worth it but if you can hold you're head up as you did nothing wrong, then you decide.
Good luck

Buona Fortuna

Hi OP

I agree with RubberChicken. We've all done things we'd sooner forget and this guy hardly covered himself in glory did he?

Are you and the manager similar ages? Was he part of the interview?

Good luck OP

LegacyUser

Yes he was part of the interview process and I nearly died when I walked in. I did not know his full name prior to this. He definitely knows and remembers me I felt it the minute I walked in. Plus any time I've seen him after the incident he stares at me and tries to get me to notice him. I really want the job, the hours suit me perfectly and it's good pay. I just don't know if I can work there now with this hanging over me

sadie06

I would think you should take the job, act completely normal and if he ever brings it up (which I doubt he will considering his own role in the situation) I would deny all and tell him he has the wrong person.

Buona Fortuna

I'm trying to imagine the organisation. If he has built a career there he'd hardly like his share in the events to become public knowledge. I would have thought.

Sadie makes a good point. Its your word against his. So deny it. What harm?

If there ever was a problem in the future is there an HR department to complain to? Are there other managers in the outfit? Would you have much to do with him in your work?

Sorry I don't mean to ask loads of questions for you to answer - its just the way I think

m'lady

Personally I think what the manager did is more embarrassing than what you did OP? Take the job, carry on as normal and if he ever tries to bring it up I'd ignore him. I doubt he will anyway, that could border on sexual harassment in the workplace, and don't forget you have 'dirt' on him too!

Nichololas

"No, y'see, I'm positive it was you I jerked off all over myself to in a sitting room at a house party five years ago. "

"Pretty sure that wasn't me, cool story though!"


Cue HR, lols.

tenifan

pretty sure the three of you engaged in "dogging".

I doubt he wants that to get out there any more than you do.

Stavro Mueller

I'm thinking of the old cold war concept of "mutually assured destruction". This was where America and Russia both had nuclear weapons and the theory went that if one lot pressed the big red button, the others would too and both countries would be destroyed. And so, it kept both of them from pressing the big red button. It's roughly the same case here I should think. There is absolutely nothing for this guy to gain by pointing out that he has seen you having sex. In fact he may be somewhat concerned that you know what you know about him.

The question you need to ask yourself is can you work alongside him, knowing what you know. What size of an organisation is it that you're hoping to get a job in? Will there be other managers in the place? A HR department? Many other colleagues? If it's a reasonably large company it shouldn't be so bad but if you're expected to have a close working relationship with him, it could get trickier. If he has any sense he'll behave himself and keep his nose clean. How mentally strong are you is the question.

Neyite

He actually could be trying to catch your eye because of the very same reason - he was young, stupid, probably drunk, and has an awful lot to lose in his profession if it were to be made public. You might be right that he wants to get you on your own, but it might be to beg YOU not to say anything that could cost him his reputation and his job.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses. Well I was offered the job! And guess who rang me to tell me? Yes mr fiddly pants (lol). He sounded very normal and professional on the phone so am very happy about that it has put my mind at ease a bit. For those asking will I be working close to him yes I am in a position directly under him and my job requires me to report back to him everyday! I am going to have to get used to it I guess. Hopefully he is just as embarrassed as me and wants to put it behind him as much as I do.

Earl Turner

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

I'm thinking of the old cold war concept of "mutually assured destruction". This was where America and Russia both had nuclear weapons and the theory went that if one lot pressed the big red button, the others would too and both countries would be destroyed. And so, it kept both of them from pressing the big red button. It's roughly the same case here I should think. There is absolutely nothing for this guy to gain by pointing out that he has seen you having sex. In fact he may be somewhat concerned that you know what you know about him.

The question you need to ask yourself is can you work alongside him, knowing what you know. What size of an organisation is it that you're hoping to get a job in? Will there be other managers in the place? A HR department? Many other colleagues? If it's a reasonably large company it shouldn't be so bad but if you're expected to have a close working relationship with him, it could get trickier. If he has any sense he'll behave himself and keep his nose clean. How mentally strong are you is the question.

Good post. You have the ability to destroy each other. Will be an interesting work environment

S31

I think he should be more embarassed than you! what a weirdo! Take the job, hold your head up high and if anything ever comes out about it then deny! deny! deny!

Buona Fortuna

That's good news Whatwillido101.

I hope it works out well for you. Just remember you do have that button if you need it - here's hoping you never do.

LegacyUser

Also meant to say this thread has been a great comfort to me so thanks so much I even got some laughs out of it (nicholoas lol!!) I hadn't been sleeping well since the interview and was so close to not bothering with the whole thing. Suppose it's not the worst thing that could happen to someone and should something arise then ill report it. Thanks guys xx

sashafierce

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Rubberchikken

Congratulations on getting the job:)

Well done on being able to face this person and your fear. You're a strong person. Best of luck

SparkySpitfire

Maybe it would be a good idea to have this thread deleted on the off-chance he comes across it?

tinkerbell

Good God, OP :eek: How mortifying, for BOTH of you! Congrats on getting the job. Might be best to avoid the Christmas party, or at least head off home before too much drink is taken in case either of you mention it :eek:

CaraMay

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

Standard practice? Really? Where?

Op I think you should see it as a lesson and maybe take a step back from the dogging.

Hope all goes great in your new job and as another poster said, I would definitely dodge the Xmas party.

Earl Turner

CaraMay wrote: »

Standard practice? Really? Where?

Op I think you should see it as a lesson and maybe take a step back from the dogging.

Hope all goes great in your new job and as another poster said, I would definitely dodge the Xmas party.

History might repeat itself!