Should I be a little bit annoyed with my sister.

junction12

Basically its my Birthday during the week and normally I go to Cork\Dublin for the day with sister or brother or friends. We'd basically go shopping\something to eat. I'm not into alcohol\going on nights out because they make me very anxious.
My sister said in October that she was going to take the day of work(she has a couple of days to take off before the end of the year)and we'd do something together. I said yes and was looking forward to the day.
Now this is the bit I'm a little annoyed over. I was talking to her earlier and I asked her was she looking forward to her day off. Then she said that she can't get the day off work and she found out three weeks ago. I could have done stuff with other people\made other plans but it's to late now.
I know it's petty and I told her it was fine but am I right to be a little bit annoyed? P.S I know that this is a small and petty issue.

darrenking

junction12 wrote: »

Basically its my Birthday during the week and normally I go to Cork\Dublin for the day with sister or brother or friends. We'd basically go shopping\something to eat. I'm not into alcohol\going on nights out because they make me very anxious.
My sister said in October that she was going to take the day of work(she has a couple of days to take off before the end of the year)and we'd do something together. I said yes and was looking forward to the day.
Now this is the bit I'm a little annoyed over. I was talking to her earlier and I asked her was she looking forward to her day off. Then she said that she can't get the day off work and she found out three weeks ago. I could have done stuff with other people\made other plans but it's to late now.
I know it's petty and I told her it was fine but am I right to be a little bit annoyed? P.S I know that this is a small and petty issue.

Maybe she's bluffing and planning a surprise for u?

strandroad

It is somewhat annoying yes, but not worth making a big issue out of in my opinion.

rainbowtrout

Ya it is making a mountain out of a molehill a bit. Most people don't make a big deal of a birthday unless it's a 21st, 40th etc. It's expensive to go to Cork/Dublin for the day if you are paying for petrol and parking or public transport and then to spend the day shopping or eating out. Also if your sister has to take a day of her annual holidays for it. Most adults don't make a big deal of their birthdays or expect other people to.

jaykay74

junction12 wrote: »

I was talking to her earlier and I asked her was she looking forward to her day off. Then she said that she can't get the day off work and she found out three weeks ago. I could have done stuff with other people\made other plans but it's to late now.
I know it's petty and I told her it was fine but am I right to be a little bit annoyed? P.S I know that this is a small and petty issue.

Maybe she felt bad about it and didn't know how to break the news or that she found out 3 weeks ago but hoped that work situation would change beforehand. Even at worst I think this is only be a problem if your relationship with your sister has underlying issues.

December2012

What will getting annoyed achieve?

You could tell her that if she had let you know in time, which would have been more considerate, you could've made other plans.

And that's really it.

Get on with it and make your own plans.

Humria

I would be annoyed if someone made plans with me and didn't bother to tell me that they couldn't make it. The day was important to you and it would have taken very little to send you a text to let you know that she was unable to take the day off.

It sounds like you are annoyed and that's OK. You don't need permission to feel the way you do.

Why did you tell her it was OK when it wasn't? It's best to say it at the time, but if you continue to feel annoyed it may be worth having a chat with her. Calmly say that you are a bit disappointed that she didn't tell you at the time and give you the opportunity to make new plans. Maybe you'll feel a bit better if you've expressed yourself. It doesn't have to be a big discussion or an argument, just bring it up when you are with her next.

Obviously I don't know you but if you find it difficult to assert yourself, that could be something to work on. There are assertiveness courses all over the place.

junction12

I never asked\expected her to do anything for my Birthday. We always do something for Birthdays in our house. Concert\cinema\meal\day out.( I know some don't but we do) she said she could start her Christmas shopping on the same day. I guess I'm just a little annoyed she didn't tell me at the time.

junction12

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Ya it is making a mountain out of a molehill a bit. Most people don't make a big deal of a birthday unless it's a 21st, 40th etc. It's expensive to go to Cork/Dublin for the day if you are paying for petrol and parking or public transport and then to spend the day shopping or eating out. Also if your sister has to take a day of her annual holidays for it. Most adults don't make a big deal of their birthdays or expect other people to.

Thanks for the advice guys!
I just got a little worked up because I was really looking forward to the day.
I was planning to bring my mam to Dublin for her Birthday in a couple of weeks and last night we were talking and my sister said we'd make my Birthday out of it to and stay the weekend. We always do something in our family for Birthdays(always have and always will, we see it as just one day a year and that family member is worth it) (we've never had a party it just family doing something)

Big Bag of Chips

I think if it's what your family do, then it was bad form of your sister not to let you know it wouldn't be happening this year. Especially if she knew that the expectation would have been there. In saying that, as people get older and take on more responsibilities in their lives things can rarely stay the same. Maybe in future instead of doing something on the actual day of the birthday you'll all have to settle for doing something on another day, that suits everyone, instead.

No offense OP, but annual leave is precious. And although I love my sisters, my mother, my friends etc I wouldn't like to feel obliged to use some of my days every year for their birthdays. Your sister should have told you earlier. But now, as you all get older and settle into working life etc it might be time to start a new tradition in your family surrounding birthdays.

When you're older (retired!) you might be able to come back to your original tradition.

Stavro Mueller

Would I be right in guessing that you and your sister are late teens/early twenties. My take on this is that your sister's at the age where her family's less important to her than her friends. I agree that it's poor form that she didn't tell you in advance that she couldn't take the day off but I don't think she did it out of malice. It probably didn't occur to her that her not going would upset you - her rationale probably was that since other people would be going, it wouldn't matter if she didn't. I remember my brother at that age choosing partying with his friends over family occasions like weddings, a christening and visiting a dying relative. Different people think in different ways towards these things.

junction12

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

No offense OP, but annual leave is precious. And although I love my sisters, my mother, my friends etc I wouldn't like to feel obliged to use some of my days every year for their birthdays. Your sister should have told you earlier. But now, as you all get older and settle into working life etc it might be time to start a new tradition in your family surrounding birthdays.

When you're older (retired!) you might be able to come back to your original tradition.

My sister is a primary teacher in her thirties and she did courses during the Summer so she could get five days off during the year and the principal asked her to take two days between now and the week before they finish for Christmas. So she told me shed take one for my Birthday. I didn't ask her to do it she offered.

Stavro Mueller

I'm afraid none of us can enlighten you as to what happened. It could be something as mundane as her being short of money. Has she ever let you down like this before? In general is she a considerate person?

Personally I'd not turn this into a big issue. As I said before, it was poor form of her not to let you know she wasn't going but maybe she didn't see it as a big deal. Mainly though, I hope you don't let this get to you. Enjoy your birthday!

junction12

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

I'm afraid none of us can enlighten you as to what happened. It could be something as mundane as her being short of money. Has she ever let you down like this before? In general is she a considerate person?

Personally I'd not turn this into a big issue. As I said before, it was poor form of her not to let you know she wasn't going but maybe she didn't see it as a big deal. Mainly though, I hope you don't let this get to you. Enjoy your birthday!

It's not an issue at all. I was a little annoyed yesterday and I posted here. I posted early that we made other plans for later in the month and it will my mam's Birthday as well.