Is Flatmate allowed to behave this way?

Wexford96

Hi Folks.
If you would please glance through these few points and offer feedback I would be very grateful. My close friend back in Dublin is suffering with a house-mate. Her issues with him are:
1. He has intercourse with his girlfriend on the living room sofa ( knowing that she's just next door in a downstairs bedroom).
2. He demands that heating is turned on when it suits him, and that it's turned off when it doesn't suit him. He nags at her when bills are high yet he is the person who uses approx 75% of oil/gas/electricity. The bills are split evenly.
3. He creates an atmosphere of tension when she tries to cook. (like she is messy, wasting electricity etc.) anytime she attempts to cook. She is younger and timid, gets intimidated and winds up eating in Subway most evenings.
4. Fridge and cupboard space is dominated by him. He simply pushes his stuff into my her designated storage areas. She says nothing.
5. He seems to know the landlord but doesn't reveal who he/she is. This man collects the rent from my friend each month. He says a contract exists but she has never seen it.

She entered in July and gave a deposit of 350EU. Can she get that deposit back if she decides to leave at the end of this or next month?

Thanks very much for reading. I welcome and advice or suggestions.

Michael D Not Higgins

She may be technically a licensee, in which case tenant law doesn't cover her. Who did she give the deposit to, the roommate? If he doesn't give it back she may have to go to the small claims court to get it.

As for the behaviour, yes it's unacceptable, but not much she can do about it legally. Some people are just dicks.

ABajaninCork

I'd suggest she moves. Life is too short to have hassle from ****holes like him. She is not a tenant from what you say, but a licensee. Give the housemate a week's notice in writing and get out. Can she check if the tenancy is registered with the PRTB? Landlord might be listed there if the housemate is the 'lead tenant'.

Would it be possible to have someone with her (preferably male and large!) when she gives the notice? They can also act as a witness to what was said.

She should be able to get her deposit back from the housemate. I'd also suggest she calls Threshold for more advice.

Wexford96

Thanks both of you above. I'll google Threshold to see what they're about. Appreciate the supportive words.

El_Duderino 09

Your friend needs to ovary up.

Has she signed a lease? She is surely entitled to a copy of the lease and she should get on that straight away.

Like the others said, some people are d1cks. She hasn't told him that his behaviour is making her uncomfortable so why should he change his behaviour?

If she has never seen a contract and never spoken to the ll then she might be a licensee as the others have said, or he might be subletting without the ll' s permission.

Either way she needs to have a sit down and talk through some house rules.

I know it's not easy so she needs to stay calm and be assertive. You teach people how to treat you in life and so far she has taught this guy that he can treat her poorly.

My sister went through something similar. She is a lovely woman who was only used to dealing with decent people so it was difficult for her to stand up for such normal rights. Worked out in the end though.

Best of luck to your friend

Mrs OBumble

Wexford96 wrote: »

1. He has intercourse with his girlfriend on the living room sofa

Not acceptable at any time in shared accommodation.

Wexford96 wrote: »

( knowing that she's just next door in a downstairs bedroom).

Irrelevant. There will often be someone through the wall, but it in another bedroom, or another apartment.

tayto lover

Time to fight back in my opinion.

Tell her to go into the sittingroom when they are having intercourse and just sit there staring at them. Make plenty of noise and turn the t.v. on. Turn off the heat when he's there too and let him see she's not afraid of him.
This guy is just a bully and needs to be confronted.

Wabbit Ears

Eveything that is happening here is simply because she is letting it happen. The answer to every scenario posted is 'because he can'.

Wexford96

tayto lover wrote: »

Time to fight back in my opinion.

Tell her to go into the sittingroom when they are having intercourse and just sit there staring at them. Make plenty of noise and turn the t.v. on. Turn off the heat when he's there too and let him see she's not afraid of him.
This guy is just a bully and needs to be confronted.

Lol. Thanks for great advice!

Triceratops Ballet

tayto lover wrote: »

Time to fight back in my opinion.

Tell her to go into the sittingroom when they are having intercourse and just sit there staring at them. Make plenty of noise and turn the t.v. on. Turn off the heat when he's there too and let him see she's not afraid of him.
This guy is just a bully and needs to be confronted.

That's what I'd be doing too! having sex?! In I come to make myself a snack, and sure what better than a bit of TV to go with a snack!

All joking aside

As a previous poster said she needs to woman up and refuse to be bullied. Bullies operate because their victims allow themselves to be bullied (I say that as someone who has allowed herself to be bullied) your friend needs to take back the power to bring them to a state of equilibrium. This can be done without being aggressive, but it does require one to be assertive. This friend of yours needs to learn to be assertive at some point (or this kind of thing will happen again) so why not now?

tayto lover

dottie_lottie wrote: »

That's what I'd be doing too! having sex?! In I come to make myself a snack, and sure what better than a bit of TV to go with a snack!

All joking aside

As a previous poster said she needs to woman up and refuse to be bullied. Bullies operate because their victims allow themselves to be bullied (I say that as someone who has allowed herself to be bullied) your friend needs to take back the power to bring them to a state of equilibrium. This can be done without being aggressive, but it does require one to be assertive. This friend of yours needs to learn to be assertive at some point (or this kind of thing will happen again) so why not now?

Indeed. The bowl of popcorn and park herself on the chair opposite the couch.
Would soon put him off his stroke too

Wexford96

tayto lover wrote: »

Indeed. The bowl of popcorn and park herself on the chair opposite the couch.
Would soon put him off his stroke too

lol

Santa Cruz

Time to get the camera out and say that she wants to put their antics on You Tube as an instruction aid for virgins.

Bottom line. Throw dead fish behind the immersion tank, Prick his condom supply with needle, pack her bags and leave.

Triceratops Ballet

tayto lover wrote:

Indeed. The bowl of popcorn and park herself on the chair opposite the couch. Would soon put him off his stroke too 

sure she could sell tickets...I'd come along to heckle!!

bored_stupid

Sound's like this @rsehole & control freak is taken your friend,s kindness as a weakness .she should tell him when his birds no around that she,s not happy at way thing,s are and the lack of respect she,s getting by him and his bird is not on. and the poor girl is haven to eat out in subway,s because of this fecker , and tell her to tell him if thing,s don,t change by the end of the month she want's to see the landlord and that she wants to pay the landlord in person this month so she can speak to him/her in person about what,s going on in the flat , i don,t like anybody that can treat,s people like this in life .

The_Morrigan

Santa Cruz wrote: »

Time to get the camera out and say that she wants to put their antics on You Tube as an instruction aid for virgins.

Bottom line. Throw dead fish behind the immersion tank, Prick his condom supply with needle, pack her bags and leave.

Seriously? This is your advice??

If you wish to partake in discussions on this forum you'd better up your standards.

handlemaster

Move out no good will come of this situation

the_syco

Wexford96 wrote: »

1. He has intercourse with his girlfriend on the living room sofa ( knowing that she's just next door in a downstairs bedroom).

His room may be a bit small. Does he do it with her in the room?

Wexford96 wrote: »

2. He demands that heating is turned on when it suits him, and that it's turned off when it doesn't suit him. He nags at her when bills are high yet he is the person who uses approx 75% of oil/gas/electricity. The bills are split evenly.

Wexford96 wrote: »

3. He creates an atmosphere of tension when she tries to cook. (like she is messy, wasting electricity etc.) anytime she attempts to cook. She is younger and timid, gets intimidated and winds up eating in Subway most evenings.

Wexford96 wrote: »

4. Fridge and cupboard space is dominated by him. He simply pushes his stuff into my her designated storage areas. She says nothing.

He sounds like someone used to getting whatever he wants, as she lets him away with it.

Wexford96 wrote: »

5. He seems to know the landlord but doesn't reveal who he/she is. This man collects the rent from my friend each month. He says a contract exists but she has never seen it.

If she has never seen it, she has never signed it, so I'm guessing there is no contract. Call the bluff, and and tell your mate to give a months notice.

Even if all the above was fixed, she'd still not feel comfortable in the house, so should probably leave.

brandnewaward

never heard of the fish in the immersion tank one before......

mrsbyrne

What a very unhappy situation. Your friend neede to find somewhere new to live. She also needs some self assertiveness training. Night classes maybe? Modern life is full of d**ks like this flatmate. You need to be at least able to keep yourself safe. He only behaves like that because she allows him.

Puibo

You're going to have to let us know how this pans out?

seamusk84

I'd just steal €350 of his stuff and vanish. Obviously have another place set up first.

The guys is dick, no point trying to work it out.

smcgiff

Some advice above would see the OP's friend get a visit from the Guards.

Your man's a dick and quite possibly getting off on the power play. Why has she not given notice already?

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

the_syco wrote: »

His room may be a bit small. Does he do it with her in the room?

Haha class. That's an acceptable excuse now for riding in a communal area?

"Sorry lads, my rooms a bit small to get a good go at this. You wouldn't give us twenty mins and shut the door? Ta."

Rubberchikken

This guy is a bully.
I wouldn't recommend she tackle him on her own becaûse who knows what he would say/do.

Tbh she'd be better off out of there. That's no environment to live in.

Hope she find a solution.
People like that guy deserve to be left to their own devices.

The_Morrigan

seamusk84 wrote: »

I'd just steal €350 of his stuff and vanish. Obviously have another place set up first.

The guys is dick, no point trying to work it out.

Do not advocate illegal activities on this forum.

SMJSF

just pack your bags. I was in a awful (kind of similar) situation living with someone who had mental health problems (suicide attempts), drug use, violent people in the house, similar sex acts, constant parties, fires, didn't pay bills, etc.

I fortunately got the chance and packed my bags, and was the best thing.