Feeling Alone

ifeelverylost

Hi

Thanks for reading. I dont know why I felt the need to post here but i suppose the username and subject explains a lot. I am a female in my early thirties, single, have a good job (although i dont really enjoy it), friends and a close family unit that I know i can rely on. Despite this, every evening when i come home, I cry as soon as the door shuts behind me (i live alone). If I am honest I have never been a happy person (or even child) and have become very good at putting on a mask. I have gone to a couple of counselors to try to get to the bottom of my feelings of inadequacy and misery however both sessions resulted in me just crying for an hour and then i was either too embarrassed to go back or i did go back and "faked" that they had helped. I dont have feelings of suicide or anything, just intense feelings of sadness and loneliness. I have what people call a normal life where I go to work, meet up with friends, see my family throughout the week but none of this makes any difference. I took anti-depressants a couple of years ago for this same thing, but a huge part of me feels that taking medication is like putting a plaster on a huge injury that needs stitches....its just a temporary fix. I just dont know how to fix it permanently. I would love to meet a great guy one day and get married and have children, but i know i dont have anything to offer someone right now. I feel like my life is passing me by. Friends of mine are getting engaged, having babies and i am sitting at home on a saturday night alone (by choice). I actually googled "how to overcome loneliness" and from what i read, i know I probably need to talk to a mental health professional, but i feel like doing this will bring up things (to do with my family) that i have no control over and will just upset me so much, it will make things worse. Thanks for reading.

dar100

I think you have answered your own question OP. Seeing a therapist, although hard, will be beneficial to you. Good luck

ifeelverylost

Sorry i dont know why there is a question mark in the subject by the way, typo on my part.

Lisha

Op, I really hope you give yourself the chance to work past this. You deserve to be happy .

Op this might sound a bit blunt but if you don't change something things will stay exactly the same.

So please go to your gp and discuss antidepressants and counseling. You need to take charge and be active but passive in your life.

Best of luck and I hope things start to look better very soon

Rubberchikken

Talking to your gp would be a good place to start.
To benefit from counselling you need to find someone that clicks with you and then you need to return for as long as needed.

With a professional there is no embarrassment.
They are there to help you help yourself and going to one is a sign of strength.

Also if you get the opportunity to socialise, grab that chance. It diesnt have to be every saturday night. Start with one and go from there.

Exercise. Go running/walking. Great for the mind.
Above all look after yourself.

jonbravo

I`m in my early 30s and sometimes feel the same...

Sarratt501

OP I could have written your post word for word. So ironically, you most definitely are not alone. Unfortunately, speaking those words out loud to people who look at you thinking you have everything going for you and trying to make them understand the depths of your feelings is very very difficult.
The fact that you recognise your feelings and acknowledge them is the biggest step.
I like to think lonliness is a temporary feeling and personally speaking winter coming in probably aggravates these feelings for me.
Perhaps try speak to a close family or friend and just let them know you are struggling a bit at the moment. And don't be afraid of tears coming. It might actually be a good release and you may start feeling better knowing someone close to you knows what is going on behind the mask.
Sometimes people in relationships, getting engaged and having babies also feel very alone so just because those things haven't happened for you yet...it doesn't mean it's the solution to your issues now.
I really hope you take some hope from the feedback you get here.
It is ok to not be ok.... and you are not alone. Sending you big virtual hugs your way OP xx

DoYouEvenLift

You need to find and build internal happiness and confidence before external happiness from a partner. If you don't you'll just be totally reliant on that partner and feel that your happiness is entirely attached to them and if the relationship unfortunately came to an end it would be a lot tougher to deal with and then you could possibly be looking at enough pain to put you off more relationships which will lead to true loneliness and feelings of inadequacy.


You say you have a good job so that's a starting point. Start therapy and commit to it this time and welcome whatever emotions come from it since if you don't you're just delaying it for the future. Then, once you're well into therapy start thinking about what your interested in for hobbies and pick them up, join clubs for whatever. This isn't to actually purposely try to meet a partner, although it could still happen, but still part of building yourself and your confidence up since if you have a good job and interesting and fun things to do in your free time guess what? You have something to offer. Then start really putting yourself out there and trying to date and enjoy yourself on the journey. You won't meet anyone while confining yourself to your home.


Rewarding yourself with travel is also great. Going on a trip to places you've never been before really gets you out of your comfort zone and can be life changing.

Sarratt501 wrote: »

Sometimes people in relationships, getting engaged and having babies also feel very alone so just because those things haven't happened for you yet...it doesn't mean it's the solution to your issues now.

This. Lots of people get married and have kids for the wrong reasons and end up regretting it and living more miserable lives than they'd let on. Don't be pressured by societal standards and ideals and by what your friends are doing because everyone does their own thing in their own time but we all reach the same destination in the long run.

Big Bag of Chips

Don't for one second think that a counsellor thinks bad of you for getting upset. You go to one because you are upset by something. Nobody goes to a counsellor to tell them that everything is great in their life and they couldn't be happier.

Of course talking things through are going to bring emotions to the surface.. But that's what counselling does. It brings these things to the surface, so that you can deal with them and eventually that bubble away and become less significant. Burying them and trying to hide them doesn't work. It isn't working for you.

Crying everyday when you get home is not how life should be. So what you are doing now, by avoiding talking about those things is not working for you. So something has to change. Please go see your GP. You might have to visit one or two counsellors until you find one that you are comfortable with. But, you will have to park your embarrassment at the door. Believe me, whatever you tell them won't be the worst thing they've ever heard. You need to work through this for anything to change. If you don't, then nothing will change.

ifeelverylost

I really appreciate people taking the time to offer advice and help. Thank you. I have nothing to lose by going to a counsellor or psychotherapist (after reading up on the difference i think the latter may help more, hopefully). I suppose my reservations also come from a place of anger with my family about a lot of different issues that have over the years, and the way in which they treat me (or, the way that I perceive they treat me). The fear is that discussions with a therapist will dredge up so much anger. It feels like a lot to take on in addition to sadness and loneliness. But even typing this, i know that i have to change and do something, otherwise i will wake up at 40 and be just as unhappy.