Is this a healthy thing to do?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

I had a bad break up with a guy a few years back. I'm gay btw (to avoid confusion over pronouns).

I recently found his private blog that I doubt many of his friends are on... It's fairly personal and nearly goes on as an internal monologue. We broke up 2 years ago and I'd say I have little to no feelings for him... but jesus it's good reading. I feel like I'm watching a car crash... I literally check it four times a day or so as it's so entertainingly depressing. This guy really messed me up and I'm thinking that maybe what I'm doing is a bit unhealthy or odd. I don't want to stop doing it because it's honestly like looking at an accident.

He's also involved with a person at the moment and they've been together for over a year. I know that I'll never get back with him and have no desire to! But jesus...

What are your thoughts on this?

Neyite

I dunno if I would check it 4 times a day, that's a bit excessive, but I have to admit I would probably have a read of it if it was my bad-breakup ex. And probably enjoy a touch of schadenfreude if they were going through a rough patch, particularly if they had treated me badly in the past. I'm human after all.

Ultimately, what we put on the internet is at our own peril. Even boards here, the prevailing view is that nothing is truly private and if you are stupid enough to put really personal stuff on the internet, well, on your head be it. If he wanted privacy, he should write in a diary with a lock, not an online blog open to anyone with a basic internet connection.

strobe

Is it healthy to obsessively read the blog of an ex and derive entertainment from the fact that they are unhappy? What do you reckon? It's fairly creepy all right.

But, like the other poster said, it's a public blog, so he probably doesn't care if people are reading it, so read it if you want. But yeah, it's creepy.

Shrap

The schadenfreude part of it....hmm. Yes, when we've had a hard time off someone, it's only natural to feel a good bit gleeful when they're having a hard time themselves. Given time though, you'd expect that the glee would wear off, if there's no feelings left of even anger or bitterness. I'd say that the glee felt when hearing (or reading in your case) how an ex is doing so badly is in direct proportion to how bitter you still feel. In which case, you ARE still bitter. That can last a long time, it's true, but I reckon you're already asking yourself how long, seeing as you're wondering how healthy your voyeurism is?!

If you get to the point where you're feeling a bit sorry for him....stop looking then I reckon. Till then, consider it therapeutic but at the same time realise how bitter you still are....

LegacyUser

Oh I make no apologies or excuses for it - I am bitter. This guy broke up with me and messed with my head for over a year after it with hopes of getting back together. He truly is a massive gee bag and I have no interest in getting back with him. He looks great these days (lost a few stone) and is dressing way better but at the end of the day he was a bully and I am so much happier without him.

However, that blog.. LOL

Shrap

Well, good! Glad you have gone from someone who has little or no feelings for him to someone who is unapologetically bitter! Because it would be a bit weird to keep reading the blog if you had no feelings for him....

Enjoy watching the massive gee-bag pour out his personal feelings in a really undignified fashion then! Genuinely hope it's therapeutic for you OP.

Stavro Mueller

I think it is unhealthy for you to be checking his blog so often. By keeping tabs on what he's writing, you're giving him more real estate in your head than he's entitled to. You'd want to be careful you're not continuing to live the break-up vicariously through that blog. I'd also question how much you have moved on if you can't seem to keep away from the blog. After all, this guy's in your past and you should've moved on by now

woodchuck

I think for your own sake you need to stop. We're all human and if someone screws us over then yes, most of us will get a bit of guilty pleasure out of seeing that person getting their comeuppance. But checking what he's writing multiple times a day?! Sounds like you're starting to develop a bit of an unhealthy obsession to be honest. I know you said you're over him, but how is obsessing over his day to day life going to help you move forward with your own life? I think just leave the past in the past and focus on yourself.

And what happens if one day he posts something positive about his life? Would you really want to know that he's doing well? Swings and roundabouts and all that... it's bound to happen sooner or later.

My advice would be to quit cold turkey. Block the website to stop yourself if needs be.

Dark Phoenix

Look theres a few people I look at on FB for the entertainment value as some people are mad with the stuff they put online. I dont think theres any harm taking the odd look at it and I also dont think theres any harm is being amused that someone who broke your heart is miserable.

That said, looking at it four times a day is not healthy. yes they may seem miserable but you are the person who is spending an amount of time each day focussing on them, I doubt they think of you this often.

I'd ask you how you can move forward when you keep looking back. try to make yourself happy by being happier in your own life rather than hoping that others are less happy.