Problems

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm not sure where to begin really. I'm in 1st year of college and my course is really difficult but I think I can manage it if I do some intense studying during the forthcoming weeks. The fact that my course is so difficult is a worry that I am CONSTANTLY thinking about. It's the first thing I think of when I wake up and then it's always on my mind during the day.

If I fail exams I will have to drop out and move back home. At home my dad has schizophrenia and has some horrible days. I can't imagine having to move home it feels like the worst thing that could happen to me. I was so happy to move away for college and get a break from dad. So basically I am determined to try my hardest to pass my exams.

Even though I have left my few friends from at home and am now practically friendless (no one went to the college I am in from home) I am still happier here being lonely than at home with Dad. My course is too big to get to know people and I am generally someone who doesn't go out that much because I have no money and don't really like drinking that much. It seems like everyone around me is almost from a different class as the majority of them drive or spend money on drink most nights and I'm here barely having money for food.

The only people I talk to really is the people who I am living with. There's 4 of us in the house and we get on grand.

I'm also terrified that I am turning into Dad because I am worrying about everything all of the time. You name it I worry about it.

I'm so lonely and it feels as if no one even thinks about me. At night time everything gets really bad and unbearable. When it gets dark outside it makes me feel really depressed and everything that I worry about during the day just comes back at once.

How can I change all of this. I really want to go to the counselling place in my college but I went the last day and was at the door but couldn't face going in.

What can I do to fix my life? I just want friends and someone to actually care one bit about me.

Hi OP

Really sorry that youre struggling, this is definitely a lot to deal with.
You made a big step making this post and an even bigger step getting to the door of the counselling service - how about next time going one step further? You could go in and ask for some leaflets? Or a timetable of when theyre open? Then you can leave and resolve to come back next time for an appointment. Could you alternatively email them?


As far as money goes, did you get a grant? Please speak to your student advisor about this - you need money for food.

You're already brave for posting this and it proves you want to push past it all and move forward. You didn't say what college you're in but on the off chance that it's UL.. theres a big group of us on the forum more than willing to welcome a new member!

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Hi OP

Really sorry that youre struggling, this is definitely a lot to deal with.
You made a big step making this post and an even bigger step getting to the door of the counselling service - how about next time going one step further? You could go in and ask for some leaflets? Or a timetable of when theyre open? Then you can leave and resolve to come back next time for an appointment. Could you alternatively email them?


As far as money goes, did you get a grant? Please speak to your student advisor about this - you need money for food.

You're already brave for posting this and it proves you want to push past it all and move forward. You didn't say what college you're in but on the off chance that it's UL.. theres a big group of us on the forum more than willing to welcome a new member!

Hi,

I have a student advisor but I'm not really sure what he does. I might email the counselling office but I don't even know what I'd say. I'm not sure if this will all just work out ok after a few months or if I should just get on with things and stop complaining.

Tomorrow during the day when I'm busy I'll feel fine its just whenever I'm not doing things and end up thinking that everything gets bad.

Two Tone from Limehouse

problems196485 wrote: »

Hi,

I have a student advisor but I'm not really sure what he does. I might email the counselling office but I don't even know what I'd say. I'm not sure if this will all just work out ok after a few months or if I should just get on with things and stop complaining.

Tomorrow during the day when I'm busy I'll feel fine its just whenever I'm not doing things and end up thinking that everything gets bad.

Go to the counsellor. It's confidential I'm sure and it's good to talk. Hope it all works out. Keep the studying up, qualify and the world is your oyster... If you can't keep it going there will be loads more opportunities in life. You should really try to make a few friends. You know you're popular as you have friends at home . Do you play sport? If you can, join one if the clubs / societies. I went to a pretty big uni and the mates I met there are still prob my best mates ( outside of family) and always there if I need a hand even though we may only see some if each other every couple if years

tinz18

problems196485 wrote: »

Hi,

I might email the counselling office but I don't even know what I'd say. I'm not sure if this will all just work out ok after a few months or if I should just get on with things and stop complaining.

Tomorrow during the day when I'm busy I'll feel fine its just whenever I'm not doing things and end up thinking that everything gets bad.

Try the basic "Hi I'm a first year student, I'm having problems and I need someone to talk to to help me through." or something along those lines- you don't need to elaborate or fancy it up, they'll get back to you quickly enough if you give them a number to ring.

There's no one going to belittle your problems so don't be thinking you're complaining. That was my major block about getting counselling i.e. other people's problems are so much worse so I'm just complaining. When I finally went it was the best thing I ever did and they enforced the mentality that you shouldn't belittle your own problems because they are big problems to you.

Have you tried any clubs that don't involve spending a lot of money? i.e. in my college there was juggling soc, sci-fi soc, paranormal soc where everyone got together and there was no pressure to drink if you didn't want to (and free pizza a lot of the time!:D).

I find too much time in my own head tends to have the same effect as it does on you but counselling did help to dampen its effect and to stop the downward spiral of thinking.

As for the money problems don't be ashamed for asking for help- most of us need it from time to time plus food is pretty much essential and lack of it can also tank your mood (at least I know I turn into a demon if I forget to eat):rolleyes:. Most colleges have a student assistance fund to help people through rough times- I recommend hunting down the SAF office and asking for a form.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

I did join a club and I went to a few meetings but I really didn't like it. It was not really organised that well. I was going to join another one but its €10 and I haven't got my grant yet and only have €12 in my account until Wednesday.

I didn't know about the assistance fund thing but I'm definitely going to apply now thanks!

I don't play sports. Mainly because of when I was in school I knew people knew what Dad was like (from a small town where everyone knows everything about everyone) and that really put me off getting involved with anything.

I can't imagine sitting there telling a stranger in person everything that's wrong with my life. Doing that is literally harder than any exam I have.

The whole money thing doesn't really bother me that much. My parents never had money at home so I know how to make it last. My course (well a tutorial group of it) that I am in are going somewhere this weekend and I am in that tutorial but can't go because it's like €40. It's as if everything is against me ever getting friends in this place.

Thanks for the replies it's genuinely really nice to know someone cares enough to reply.