To give a second chance or not?

Cookie89

Hi, I was going out with this guy for 5 months. On Saturday he ended things with me, said all he really sees is friendship. I was shocked but looking back he was being very cool all week. Then on Sunday night he shows up at my front door, saying he made the biggest mistake. I'm everything he's looking for in a girl, he just panicked, he's really sorry will I please give him a second chance.

I didn't give him an answer, told him I need to think about it. Does anyone have any suggestions. I'm wary about giving a second chance as he made both decisions so quickly. Help please!

Payton

Cookie89 wrote: »

Hi, I was going out with this guy for 5 months. On Saturday he ended things with me, said all he really sees is friendship. I was shocked but looking back he was being very cool all week. Then on Sunday night he shows up at my front door, saying he made the biggest mistake. I'm everything he's looking for in a girl, he just panicked, he's really sorry will I please give him a second chance.

I didn't give him an answer, told him I need to think about it. Does anyone have any suggestions. I'm wary about giving a second chance as he made both decisions so quickly. Help please!

You didn't say how do you feel about him? Sounds like he panicked and regretted his actions.
Only you can decide if he is worthy enough to be in a relationship with.

tailgunner

He may well have panicked, but there's not much context so it's hard to call.

As above, how do you feel about him? Were you happy in the relationship yourself?

Shrap

Same as the others said. How did you feel about it?

However, I'd suggest talking it out with him much more before you make a decision. You're going on very little information about what happened it seems, and if you did decide to get back with him like nothing happened you'd understandably be much more wary and lacking in trust that he's worth investing in emotionally. I think you should tell him that and see if he understands how he's put you on the back-foot. You will both need to communicate very well, starting now, if there's to be any future together IMO. Also, ask him to explain his reasoning during the week before he broke up with you, and the reasoning behind his sudden u-turn.

Buona Fortuna

I'm with the others re context and how do you feel OP?

I'd be interested to know what his doubts were. Also you said "just friends", so did he not see you as married, engaged, living tgether, exclusive, or what?

All the best OP, I think the reason you have posted here is you have the same sort of doubts, maybe?

tinz18

As everyone else is saying- no one else can tell you what to do or how to feel.

I will give you my experience having been in that scenario- when my ex dumped me then recanted the next day, I found out that I lost a lot of the respect and trust I had for him. In the back of my mind I was preparing myself for when he changed his mind again - to the point it was a relief when he did a few weeks later saying we were more like friends (I was also angry he hadn't told me sooner cos I don't sleep with people I see only as friends). In hindsight I wished I'd never given him a second chance but in some cases the second chance is warranted.

You need to look back over the last five months and figure out whether he genuinely cares for you or if the quick turnabout was a sudden panic of being single again and losing his arm-candy.

Cookie89

tinz18 wrote: »

As everyone else is saying- no one else can tell you what to do or how to feel.

I will give you my experience having been in that scenario- when my ex dumped me then recanted the next day, I found out that I lost a lot of the respect and trust I had for him. In the back of my mind I was preparing myself for when he changed his mind again - to the point it was a relief when he did a few weeks later saying we were more like friends (I was also angry he hadn't told me sooner cos I don't sleep with people I see only as friends). In hindsight I wished I'd never given him a second chance but in some cases the second chance is warranted.

You need to look back over the last five months and figure out whether he genuinely cares for you or if the quick turnabout was a sudden panic of being single again and losing his arm-candy.

Hi guys, thanks for the help.
As for my feelings, yes I cared deeply about him. I thought I could see a future for us but after this weekend I really don't know. I didn't cry myself to sleep I was just angry. However I am still thinking about him

I agree with you all I really need more details so I'm going to sit down for coffee on my terms this time and see about getting some answers.

My big fear is exactly what you said about just being arm candy! I even asked him this did he just want to get back together for an upcoming family wedding, he strongly denied this, said it never even entered his mind.

Oh I have so much to think about including will I get over the fear of him changing his mind again so quick and then the feeling like a fool of this happens. Ahhhh ðŸ˜ðŸ˜

tinz18

Just remembered- maybe point out to him that the trust is shaken and he can't expect things to return to how they were straight away if you do give him a second chance. There'll be a certain amount of trust needed to be rebuilt- it can be done if his reasons were genuine.

In my case, he had dealt me a massive heartache by breaking up with me and when I went to meet him after saying I'd give it another go he acted like nothing had happened. I literally had to walk into his house (sunny day with the door open) and he was sitting in the middle of his housemates and I was forced to act like everything was rosy and make small talk for half an hour before he deigned to talk to me privately- incredibly uncomfortable when I didn't know if he was still my boyfriend or not.

DoYouEvenLift

Find out exactly what caused him to break up, could be the way that he was trying to monkey-branch/'upgrade' and that girl denied him and it backfired and how he's trying to return to you in a panic. Question every possible reason and make sure to only talk face to face instead of texting or calling so you can notice any signs he's lying easier.

CaraMay

What age is he?