Am I in the Friend Zone?

LegacyUser

A bit about me; I'm 27 year old guy who life is going according to plan (degree, work for MNC, high paid job, play a lot of sport, lots of friends) but one thing that is lost on me and that is women.

Since I left school and until roughly a year ago I was never talking to females but thankfully I am now doing this thanks to tag rugby and meetup.

There is this girl who I met about 8 months ago who is out of league who I like but I am unsure if she likes me in that way. I met her at one of the meetup groups, she doesn't go any more but I have still kept in contact with her. At the groups she would always be sitting so close to me that she would be touching. She left the country then for a few months but before she left we where meant to meetup just the two of us but she cancelled citing money or meeting up with friends/family before leaving.

When she arrived back home she started texting me again and me, her and our friends all met up but she got seriously drunk which lead her going home really early. We met up just the two of us shortly after in lazed about in a park but she didn't put any effort into her appearance (wearing all sweats, which was the first time I seen her wear anything like that). We met up again a few days later for my birthday along with a few others but she ended getting the last tram home citing she didn't want to get in the way we where on the pull.

There was a bit of radio silence there for a month or so but I got talking to her during the week and she suggested we meet up for a drink after work. We met up and she bought me a drink (she was a bit later then she said she would be). The thing is we talk about online dating a bit as well which would lead me to think she only sees me as a friend. Well she only told me about the bad dates she has had off it. At the end we just hugged and said goodbye and her saying something along the lines of if I am bored just give her a text and we can meetup or if I am heading out with our friends to let her know.

Am I friend zoned?

CaraMay

I think so as she is taking a very casual attitude towards spending time with you.

Tasden

She probably considers you a friend.

From your op you haven't exactly gone to much effort to make her aware that you're interested in anything more than friendship and so her assuming that you guys are friends is pretty normal. If being "in the friend zone" is a bad thing and you would rather it be more and not a friendship then say that to her. Just because you're male it doesn't automatically mean that she assumes you're more than a friend. This isn't putting you in a "friend zone", she's treating you like any other person she meets and becomes friendly with. If you want more then its up to you to make her aware of that. If anything you've "friend zoned" her too.

Going from your op, all your interactions have been casual friendly meetings so why would she assume you're more than a friend unless you actually initiate more?

LegacyUser

Tasden wrote: »

She probably considers you a friend.

From your op you haven't exactly gone to much effort to make her aware that you're interested in anything more than friendship and so her assuming that you guys are friends is pretty normal. If being "in the friend zone" is a bad thing and you would rather it be more and not a friendship then say that to her. Just because you're male it doesn't automatically mean that she assumes you're more than a friend. This isn't putting you in a "friend zone", she's treating you like any other person she meets and becomes friendly with. If you want more then its up to you to make her aware of that. If anything you've "friend zoned" her too.

Going from your op, all your interactions have been casual friendly meetings so why would she assume you're more than a friend unless you actually initiate more?

Valid point, but I guess I am looking for signs for her as I would't have the balls to ask her straight out on a date or suggest I would like to be more than friends.

LuckyLloyd

FriendZone1 wrote: »

Valid point, but I guess I am looking for signs for her as I would't have the balls to ask her straight out on a date or suggest I would like to be more than friends.

Well, nothing is going to happen so. If the worst was to happen and you asked her out and she said no at least you would be able to move your interests elsewhere. Otherwise this will be a conversation / thing that is happening or not happening in your head alone. And while it continues in your head she'll probably get romantically involved elsewhere.

Go for it imo, and best of luck with it.

Tasden

FriendZone1 wrote: »

Valid point, but I guess I am looking for signs for her as I would't have the balls to ask her straight out on a date or suggest I would like to be more than friends.

And if she's thinking the same then you're both left wondering

donegaldude

You won't know unless you go for it. I met a girl on holidays a few years back. Got home and were working in different parts of the country. Sent a few texts a few weeks after I got back, and asked her out on a date.

Drove to dublin from the Midlands, had the date and drove back down again. Did that twice and then we said we'd give it a go. I got moved abroad about 2 weeks after and expected things to fizzle out fairly rapidly.

She is now my wife and baby number 1 due next year.

Point is just go for it, if you don't ask you won't get!

sunshine and showers

There is no such thing as the "friend zone". She either wants to be more than friends or she doesn't and the only way you will find out is by asking her out.

Meauldsegosha

FriendZone1 wrote: »

Valid point, but I guess I am looking for signs for her as I would't have the balls to ask her straight out on a date or suggest I would like to be more than friends.

Faint heart never won fair maiden.

Stop looking for signs and ask her out.

gaynorvader

The friend zone isn't when you are friends with a woman you have feelings for. The friend zone is usually only observable by outsiders. It's when you make your feelings known through presents and affection, but the girl strings you along and feigns ignorance to continue getting the perks. If you were buying her meals out and going round to give her manicures and buying her presents for valentines day, etc. and she never said "I have no feelings for you romantically", then you'd be in the friend zone. As it stands you're just friends and she probably has no idea you're even interested.

Tasden

gaynorvader wrote: »

The friend zone isn't when you are friends with a woman you have feelings for. The friend zone is usually only observable by outsiders. It's when you make your feelings known through presents and affection, but the girl strings you along and feigns ignorance to continue getting the perks. If you were buying her meals out and going round to give her manicures and buying her presents for valentines day, etc. and she never said "I have no feelings for you romantically", then you'd be in the friend zone. As it stands you're just friends and she probably has no idea you're even interested.

No that's a woman not caring about his feelings and leading a man on, and a man willingly doing these things expecting something in return whether it be a relationship or some sort of credit for doing it. Both as bad as each other imo in that case.

"Friendzone" in my experience just seems to be a term people use (not necessarily op) when they're annoyed a person only views them as a friend and not more, which is entirely their decision, and tbh their friendship should be valued as more than just some irritating zone. Fair enough if someone wants more from that person but that's just life.

Shrap

Yeah, but from what I've heard from my older teen, being "friend zoned" usually comes after a tentative approach has been made and immediately turned into "Oh, you're so sweet/nice/cuddly/cute to say that. Shame you're not my type" kind of comment.

Mr. Incognito

We met up again a few days later for my birthday along with a few others but she ended getting the last tram home citing she didn't want to get in the way we where on the pull.

This was her way of asking if you were interested in her.
It was your birthday. All you had to say was dont go home. I wouldnt enjoy my birthday if you werent here.

I am a guy and even i can see that a mile away. She was sussing you out. Who goes home on their mates bday on the pretence of being a cockblock.

You need to grow a pair dude.

LegacyUser

I think of it like this.

If you are friends there is an open space for a period of time. After that is becomes awkward.

If she starts dating other men while you are friends yes that's it you are in the friendzone.

If she looks like she is looking for love and looking for a BF and you guys are not getting closer etc. Yes you are in the friendzone.

If she gets a BF and you are still friends then yes you are in the friendzone.

It sounds like you are in the open for interpretation zone. Tricky zone. Pretty much you need to close the deal and make up your minds or both of you will end up with other people which is fine if that is the right thing to happen.

By the way the friendzone is never a woman accepting BF behaviors from a guy and not giving girlfriend behaviors and love in return. That my friends is a b*tch.

I am female and generally my 'friendzone' can produce boyfriend relationships at times. But I would never accept stuff or anything like that. I always buy drinks back or you know whatever.

The door of opportunity for both guys and girls closes when the object of affection gets with someone else. I am naturally monogamous and pretty hardcore on loyalty. There is no iffy area if I am dating another person.

So if she is dating others and not you then yes that is the friendzone. And if she has a BF yes that is the friendzone. I don't think it works both ways gender wise though. Not sure.

I agree with Mr Igcognito, she is trying to see whether or not you fancy her or not.

kjl

FriendZone1 wrote: »

A bit about me; I'm 27 year old guy who life is going according to plan (degree, work for MNC, high paid job, play a lot of sport, lots of friends) but one thing that is lost on me and that is women.

Since I left school and until roughly a year ago I was never talking to females but thankfully I am now doing this thanks to tag rugby and meetup.

There is this girl who I met about 8 months ago who is out of league who I like but I am unsure if she likes me in that way. I met her at one of the meetup groups, she doesn't go any more but I have still kept in contact with her. At the groups she would always be sitting so close to me that she would be touching. She left the country then for a few months but before she left we where meant to meetup just the two of us but she cancelled citing money or meeting up with friends/family before leaving.

When she arrived back home she started texting me again and me, her and our friends all met up but she got seriously drunk which lead her going home really early. We met up just the two of us shortly after in lazed about in a park but she didn't put any effort into her appearance (wearing all sweats, which was the first time I seen her wear anything like that). We met up again a few days later for my birthday along with a few others but she ended getting the last tram home citing she didn't want to get in the way we where on the pull.

There was a bit of radio silence there for a month or so but I got talking to her during the week and she suggested we meet up for a drink after work. We met up and she bought me a drink (she was a bit later then she said she would be). The thing is we talk about online dating a bit as well which would lead me to think she only sees me as a friend. Well she only told me about the bad dates she has had off it. At the end we just hugged and said goodbye and her saying something along the lines of if I am bored just give her a text and we can meetup or if I am heading out with our friends to let her know.

Am I friend zoned?

I think you have your answer, but your question is all wrong, how could you be friend zoned when you haven't made an effort to be anything more?