Confused, heartbroken and all alone.....

Flourybaps

Hi all, first time posting here but I've been following the group for a while now and I have so much in common with many of the posts - it's like my little piece of sanity online!!

Basically, I'm 32, single, living back at home and I am struggling - I am seriously struggling with my life at the moment, I am just so utterly sad and heartbroken, I feel like my life has no purpose and my life is basicslly in the sh*tter

The rug got pulled from under me when my LTR of 7 years ended out of the blue one Sunday morning 4 months ago.... The guy was the love of my life. That's not me looking through rose tinted glasses, I believe it to be true - we met by fluke one night in town when we were 24, until I met him I had never been on a date with anyone, it was me and the girls against the world, we had no interest in dating guys we just wanted fun and to move on to the next 'victim' that was until I met him. He was the complete opposite to me, a little nerdy and looked a bit like Harry potter but go figure we clicked and for the first time ever I wanted to be with someone - him.

We were like 2 peas in a pod, we did everything together, we moved in together after 3 years, we rarely fought, we were each other's best friends, we loved going out with our mates, loved going to gigs & festivals - literally I couldn't believe my luck that we had found each other. We were one of those couples where friends would tell us how lucky we were to have found each other and how jealous they were of our relationship, all so ironic now....

Fast forward to 4 months ago, he cooked me brekkie like he did most Sundays and we were making plans for the day when he just dropped a bombshell. He told me that he wasn't sure that I was 'the one' - what if there was someone else out there for him? What if the girl he went to his debs with 13 years ago was 'the one' - wtf I thought to myself, wtf is going on. He wasn't cheating on me and there is no one else involved and I know that for sure.

So that was it after 7 years I moved out and moved back home to my folks and that's when my world literally ended, I lost my best friend, my partner, the man I thought I was going to marry and be the father of our kids. I am absolutely heartbroken that the person I trusted the most in the world could hurt me like this, I just can't believe what's going on. He was texting me for a little while but I wasn't really replying and eventually I told him I was trying to get on with my life and that was it.

Our families are devastated about what has happened and they can't get their heads around it , I cant give them answers because I don't really know what's happened myself. I am now single, 32, living at home, will probably never get a mortgage because I hadn't been thinking of having to do it solo, all of my friends are now married or are engaged - I am literally on my tobler, where would I even meet someone now, tinder freaks the crap out of me!! I've started going out with some of the girls in work but they're in their mid 20's and they don't really get the magnitude of what's going on in my life. I just don't have any purpose! it's just so pathetic. I just want to go to work, come home, get in to bed and just wait for the next day to come along.

I miss him so so so much - I would go back to him in the morning, pathetic I know. I told him the day it happened that I would never contact him agin and I don't know how I've managed it but I haven't. I know I'll have to meet him at some stage as we both live near each other, there must be post in the apartment for me and I've sh*t still there to get at some stage.

My life is just in the absolute gutter - I blank this situation out and just pretend it isn't happening and that works well until someone asks me about him and then I just breakdown and cry - god my friends and family must be so sick of me, my parents are being overly nice to me which is just so over bearing I can barely have a conversation with them because they look at me with such pity now. He was such a huge part of life and my families! my mum says she lost a son the day he left me. Now I'm sitting here solo and I just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and if I hear it just takes time one more time I'll probably deck the person that says it to me. My life was all mapped out and no I just don't know......

I went to talk to someone for a few weeks but I don't think it did much good, he told me I was heartbroken and I just had to give it time and that perhaps my ex had emotional issues.....

Anyhoo sorry for the ranting - I just felt that I had to get this off my chest and I guess have some of you tell me to cop the FCUK on and just get on with it....... But if you could tell me how I would appreciate it, I'm hoping someone out there can help me get my life back on track with some words of wisdom or something, at this stage I'll take whatever anybody wants to throw at me

downwesht

Ok sorry for your misfortune floury,but look at it another way.All this could have happened after having the mortgage,kids etc.
Bad and all as you are feeling now you, are restarting single life from a "no baggage" situation.This give you options and the ability to start again when the time is right for you.
Unfortunately when things go pear-shaped we all have a desperate tendency to look at the negatives.You must pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get back up on that horse and get out and about,easy for me to say, but the sooner you put all this down to experience the better.
Good luck....

Addle

Becoming single in your 30s is not easy, I know. And it's not going to get any easier any time soon.

Flourybaps wrote: »

I just don't have any purpose! it's just so pathetic.

What was your purpose before the break up?
Did your life revolve around your ex?

Take this opportunity to get happy on your own, to figure out what you want to do for yourself, to be independent.

Eeden

Maybe a quick word with your family and friends, basically telling them that their attitude towards you is not helpful? They may not be able to change how they feel, but they could at least try to come across better. Their pity must be terrible for you. It's a bit condescending. Your mother saying that she "lost a son" is not something you need to hear, even if she does feel that way. Just try to let them know you've had enough of the pity for now.

dellas1979

What strikes me about your post, and compelled me to reply, is why on earth are you ready or so eager to jump into another relationship? Or try to meet another guy?

The worst mistakes and choices are made when they are forced, or trying to paper over cracks. Let yourself be sad. The time will come when you feel you can pick yourself back up.

But, it is obvious from your post that you were too over-reliant on your partner to provide you with happiness.

I think this break could be the making of you, if you'll allow it.

When you are ready, it involves YOU getting your life back, you making an effort to do/try new things, you doing all the things that you wanted to do. You meeting someone new, when you are ready.

Flourybaps

Thanks for the replies and you're right I probably became too dependent and reliant on my OH, I used to be so independent so I guess that's something I need to work on.
I'm terrified about being by myself, I guess I miss the security of being in a relationship and I'm probably giving myself panic attacks when I think that I might ever meet someone.... I know silly to be thinking about this now but I just can't stop my brain from thinking about this whole mess 24/7 and I let myself get caught up in the whole 'what if' scenario....

Xenor1

OP, reading your post is like holding up a mirror to my own life. In August 2013 I split up with my boyfriend, the love of my life, of 7 years. Like yourself I was 32 and I had to move out of our nice apartment and back in with my parents to save money. I was so upset, that one day I wasn't concentrating fully on I where I was walking. I tripped on a step and broke my ankle, making me bed bound for weeks, with nothing to think about other than how my life had gone down the toilet. I can't remember a worse period in my life.

Fast forward just over a year, and I can honestly say that I've never been happier.
These are some things that helped me.
1. Give yourself time to lick your wounds, but put a time limit on it. I actually picked a date (the date I got the leg cast off), and when it arrived I forced myself to start getting out and living my life again.
2. Remind yourself of why it's better that the relationship ended. Ignore your mother. Why would she want a son-in-law who didn't love her daughter with all his heart?
2. Use this opportunity to meet new people and have new adventures. Being one half of a couple means you have to constantly compromise. As an independent single person, you can do what you want, when you want, so take advantage of this. Any unfulfilled dreams or desires you have - do them!
3. Be good to yourself. Spend time with positive people. Exercise. Do what you can to feel great about yourself and plan nice things to look forward to.
3. You will of course reminisce and feel sorry for yourself as you start to move on. But try and structure it - set a certain time in the day to do it. During the day I was usually fine, but on my own at night I would have a good old weep. I can guarantee if you start filling your days with new interests and people, these sad bursts will gradually fade away and you will find yourself thinking more about the fun day you had.
4. Don't panic about getting another partner, family etc. Being a similar age, I know what that feels like. But by taking on new hobbies and interests I found that there are plenty of wonderful guys out there. I'm seeing a fantastic man now who really makes me think I was absolutely mad to be so upset about splitting with my ex. You will find a new partner - one that will appreciate you - and one that'll want to have kids with you. There's plenty of time, and that's coming from me at the ripe old age of 33.

CaraMay

Very good advice above. I was 35 and am so happy it happened now. I agree that you need to set a time limit. I gave myself 4 months to be miserable and by Jesus was I miserable but at least I got it all out. Stay away from men until you are healed as you are vulnerable now and the last thing you need is to make a mistake.

There is no shame at being back home. Tell your mam to be quiet about him but let them mind you and take care of you. It will help.

Chin up. You will get through this and you will be so much stronger for it.

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I can't really give you any advice but I can tell you you're not alone. I could have written your post. In fact I did post on here about a month ago when my boyfriend of almost 7 years woke up one morning and told me he couldn't be 100% sure if we were right for each other. I thought everything was fine, in fact just a couple of months earlier he had been telling my friends how he saw us planning our wedding, where it would be, etc. After the initial conversation he told me he just freaked himself out and was terrified to lose me, and that he would seek counselling for his emotional issues. But ultimately we broke up after two weeks of hell because he "just wasn't in it anymore" and apparently the fact that we got on so well and our relationship was so easy meant we were really just friends.

Your ex, like mine, just gave you excuses and was too cowardly to be honest with you. He sounds like a commitment phobe, just like mine. I'm also in my early thirties and feel like my whole world has been turned upside down. I too am not in a position to get a mortgage on my own as I never thought I'd need to, and maybe I wasn't motivated enough to push my career forward and earn more money. I know I have to now.

I think we need to trust that everything happens for a reason and that it's better for this to happen now than five or ten years down the line. We deserve partners who will love us completely and would never dream of letting us go. But the most important thing now is getting to know yourself again and developing as an individual. I was also really independent before I met my ex and I need to get back to that.

Good luck and I hope you start to feel better soon. It really sucks and I'm still only at the early stages. Please try not to worry about what other people think of you or you'll drive yourself mad. What you see as pity is more likely genuine concern from people who love you.

Flourybaps

xenor01 and knowthefeeling that you so much for putting the time aside for sharing you own situations with me - I cried reading your posts as your own situations are both so similar to your own, nice to know I'm not the only one suffering in these sh*tty circumstances. xenor01 I'm so happy to hear that you have turned a corner and are happy again, I know I have to focus on all the positives in my life even though they seem few and far between at the moment and please God I'll get there too.
Knowthefeeling what you said about my ex being a coward is 100% true, he even had the nerve to throw in the line 'you never know your happiness might be with me' - god I hung on to those words for the first few weeks and now I'm embarrassed that they had any meaning to me, you're right that everything happens for a reason and I'm sure in time I'll under stand why

dellas1979

OP Ive no doubt that when you are ready, you will see things in a different light.

Being single isnt a sentence. It should be enjoyed! And you will find your feet. Crawl. Then walk. Then run. While getting to know who you are. Relying on yourself. Many many people dont have this opportunity. You do, now.

And maybe someday, when you are happy and in the right place, you will meet someone who does want all that with you.

Please dont rush it or jump into something, because of the "fear".

CaraMay

Oh yeah I meant to say that - being single is great fun

Elbi

Hi Op

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I am in the very same situation as you and I know how hard it is. All I can say is give it time. I know everyone says that but I do think its true.

dellas1979 wrote: »

What strikes me about your post, and compelled me to reply, is why on earth are you ready or so eager to jump into another relationship? Or try to meet another guy?

I think the first thing we all think of is "will we ever find someone else" that is just the panic phase and the fear of being alone forever. We don't actually want to find someone right now or ever (as we feel so sad) but its just the worry we won't , it is very unlikely we won't meet someone else as its a big world out there.

I have started to go on a few dates but there is nothing there no spark or connection like there was with my ex so that even makes me feel sadder so I do advise you leave the dating for a long time. Just tell the sadness eases.

There is very little anyone can say to you to make you feel better because nothing helps and sometimes the advice is just so annoying all i can say is IT WILL GET BETTER

Ande1975

I haven't posted advice on here for months but I fell compelled to after reading your post Flourybaps.

I understand it can be absolutely devastating when a relationship ends. You go back over the past and think WTF. You could have the picture perfect story book relationship but the hard reality is that it could still end.

Just to give you some perspective on this. I am 40 and just moved back home. I am single. I am about 20 pounds overweight and someone in a shop recently asked if I was expecting a baby. Now that previously would have set me off but you know what, it didn't, I didn't give a tiny rats ass, why? I am happy. I'm not delirious but I am happy. 6 months ago I was in the depths of despair as I felt my life was going nowhere but I took action. I decided what I really wanted. I listed out goals and said ok to myself, Ande its up to you and no one else. No one else can fix you, the only person you can really trust is yourself and it always gets better. If you learn to accept that you will start to feel better.

Of course you are upset about the breakup but what you are really upset about is the fact that the future you thought you had with this guy is gone.
I know its so much easier and secure to go through life sharing mortgages, life, finance. My stress was down to the fact that I have to tackle this on my own but you know what I can do it and so can you.
Now I am not saying we are destined for a life alone, all I am saying is if we are, its ok. That's a scary thing to admit to yourself but when you do, things fall into place.

All my friends are married with kids but I don't compare myself with them. I can still happen for me yet but what allows me to handle all this is that I won't die if it doesn't. There is so much more. (Also I have a good few single friends who are just itching to get glammed up and head out. They moan about their other halfs and I just laugh)

You are only 32 - anyone who says its hard to be single in your 30s is daft. Most of my friends got married and had kids in their mid- late 30s. In fact two 40 year old friends are having babies soon.

I had a complete blast in my 30s and I am making sure I'm doing the same in my 40s. I'm hitting the gym, I'm determined to be my slim size 8 by my birthday and have fun. Who knows what's going to happen but its up to you. Take control of your life, do what you want, enjoy yourself and the best is yet to come.

Give yourself one last week to mourn. Decide what you want (take relationships out of it for the moment) and plan a way to get there. Ignore the noise around you.

Good luck

HiGlo

Flourybaps wrote: »

Hi all, first time posting here but I've been following the group for a while now and I have so much in common with many of the posts - it's like my little piece of sanity online!!

Basically, I'm 32, single, living back at home and I am struggling - I am seriously struggling with my life at the moment, I am just so utterly sad and heartbroken, I feel like my life has no purpose and my life is basicslly in the sh*tter

The rug got pulled from under me when my LTR of 7 years ended out of the blue one Sunday morning 4 months ago.... The guy was the love of my life. That's not me looking through rose tinted glasses, I believe it to be true - we met by fluke one night in town when we were 24, until I met him I had never been on a date with anyone, it was me and the girls against the world, we had no interest in dating guys we just wanted fun and to move on to the next 'victim' that was until I met him. He was the complete opposite to me, a little nerdy and looked a bit like Harry potter but go figure we clicked and for the first time ever I wanted to be with someone - him.

We were like 2 peas in a pod, we did everything together, we moved in together after 3 years, we rarely fought, we were each other's best friends, we loved going out with our mates, loved going to gigs & festivals - literally I couldn't believe my luck that we had found each other. We were one of those couples where friends would tell us how lucky we were to have found each other and how jealous they were of our relationship, all so ironic now....

Fast forward to 4 months ago, he cooked me brekkie like he did most Sundays and we were making plans for the day when he just dropped a bombshell. He told me that he wasn't sure that I was 'the one' - what if there was someone else out there for him? What if the girl he went to his debs with 13 years ago was 'the one' - wtf I thought to myself, wtf is going on. He wasn't cheating on me and there is no one else involved and I know that for sure.

So that was it after 7 years I moved out and moved back home to my folks and that's when my world literally ended, I lost my best friend, my partner, the man I thought I was going to marry and be the father of our kids. I am absolutely heartbroken that the person I trusted the most in the world could hurt me like this, I just can't believe what's going on. He was texting me for a little while but I wasn't really replying and eventually I told him I was trying to get on with my life and that was it.

Our families are devastated about what has happened and they can't get their heads around it , I cant give them answers because I don't really know what's happened myself. I am now single, 32, living at home, will probably never get a mortgage because I hadn't been thinking of having to do it solo, all of my friends are now married or are engaged - I am literally on my tobler, where would I even meet someone now, tinder freaks the crap out of me!! I've started going out with some of the girls in work but they're in their mid 20's and they don't really get the magnitude of what's going on in my life. I just don't have any purpose! it's just so pathetic. I just want to go to work, come home, get in to bed and just wait for the next day to come along.

I miss him so so so much - I would go back to him in the morning, pathetic I know. I told him the day it happened that I would never contact him agin and I don't know how I've managed it but I haven't. I know I'll have to meet him at some stage as we both live near each other, there must be post in the apartment for me and I've sh*t still there to get at some stage.

My life is just in the absolute gutter - I blank this situation out and just pretend it isn't happening and that works well until someone asks me about him and then I just breakdown and cry - god my friends and family must be so sick of me, my parents are being overly nice to me which is just so over bearing I can barely have a conversation with them because they look at me with such pity now. He was such a huge part of life and my families! my mum says she lost a son the day he left me. Now I'm sitting here solo and I just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and if I hear it just takes time one more time I'll probably deck the person that says it to me. My life was all mapped out and no I just don't know......

I went to talk to someone for a few weeks but I don't think it did much good, he told me I was heartbroken and I just had to give it time and that perhaps my ex had emotional issues.....

Anyhoo sorry for the ranting - I just felt that I had to get this off my chest and I guess have some of you tell me to cop the FCUK on and just get on with it....... But if you could tell me how I would appreciate it, I'm hoping someone out there can help me get my life back on track with some words of wisdom or something, at this stage I'll take whatever anybody wants to throw at me

There isn’t really words of wisdom really. It’s heartbreak and everyone has to go through it in their lives. It’s horrible and devastating but people make it through.
I think situations like this are why people emphasise the importance of maintaining a good level of independence in a relationship. (hopefully that doesn’t sound like I’m trying to make a dig, cause I’m certainly not)
You make a few comments about how your life/future was so dependent on him. Obviously I know that’s the case in lots of relationships, but it’s important to have goals/ambitions outside of your partner, in my opinion.

The heartbreak is just part and parcel of life. How you get through it and what you learn from it is all part of building who you are as a person.

I probably don’t sound like I’m being very sympathetic but I really am. I know what it feels like where you are at the moment and it’s awful. Focus on yourself for a while and wallow if needs be – but don’t forget to get yourself back on track.

nlk

OP It's interesting I came across your post today, as I was just reading back over something I'd written when I went through the same thing a few years ago. I had just turned 30, we'd been together 9 years, like you I felt that life was over.

Today I smiled when I read back over what I wrote because I am very glad it happened and have never been happier, stronger or more fulfilled.

You've got some great advice here but I just want to add a couple of things.

Firstly, you need to take your ex off the pedastel you have him on. I'm sure he was great but thinking of him as some sort of once in a life-time dream man is not helping you. If he was the guy for you he'd still be here and wouldn't have hurt you. He's not the guy for you but it's a good thing he's gone because the longer you stayed with someone who's not right for you the worse off you are.

Try and focus on his flaws and what wasn't right about the relationship. Be careful about the language you use because saying things in absolutes like 'I have no purpose' 'I can never be happy without him' etc. become self fulfilling prophecies. Equally telling yourself that you love yourself more than you love him, that there is a bright future out there for you, that you'll likely look back on this as the making of you will help you.

When people say you need time they don't just mean sitting waiting to feel better. You need to do things in the mean time-focus on yourself, do things you enjoy, challenge yourself, don't look to other people to find happiness. You alone hold your happiness and you alone are responsible for it so be gentle with yourself.

You will love again but right now forget about meeting someone because you can't have partner, kids etc. without first taking some time. It's a cliche but no one is going to love you unless you love yourself first and foremost.

OP I have absolutely no doubt that you will be fine, and probably happier than ever.

Flourybaps

Thank you to everyone for your replies and advice, some made me cry because you generally hit the nail on the head with what you're saying but I'm so glad to say that I have gotten some clarity on things. I need to get my life back on track and sitting in my room (yes I'm in my room now, ha) is doing me no good and I need to start plans for myself.... scary as it is without my 'wingman' I need to start making plans for me, start meeting people my own age, making new friends and all that jazz.

Trying to take each day as it comes, good and bad, highs and lows, but I need to have something in my life, I have got to start planning my future.

nlk wrote: »

Firstly, you need to take your ex off the pedastel you have him on. I'm sure he was great but thinking of him as some sort of once in a life-time dream man is not helping you. If he was the guy for you he'd still be here and wouldn't have hurt you. He's not the guy for you but it's a good thing he's gone because the longer you stayed with someone who's not right for you the worse off you are.

This particular post really hit a nerve with me this evening, because my OH isn't as I have in my head Prince Charming and he has faults.... I just need to remember that and to stop thinking about all the good memories only - you're right Nlk I need to knock him off the pedestal that I've put him on and thank you for posting that.

lurker2000

Hi 'FB' - I'm just a little puzzled about your breakup - your ex was obviously wondering if the grass was greener elsewhere and voiced this opinion. But you seem to have jumped ship instantly - I mean so totally that you haven't contacted him or talked this out since.

I've heard of so many people who 'take a break' in situations like this - sometimes they continue to move away and sometimes they actually get back together as each has found that that grass is much greener with each other. Should you not meet with you ex and honestly discuss your feelings now? Perhaps he's really missed you but feels that you have shut that door - how sad would it be if you found out in years to come that he thought there was no hope?

Of course the emotional blow of finding out he might reject a reunion may not be worth the risk - but could you ask a trusted friend to 'collect your post' and perhaps they might get a feel of how things are going with him. four months is probably just about long enough to have seen if a mistake has been made.

I don't want to make you feel more upset but I think the way it ended is possibly a reason that you can't move on positively now. If you heard that he was happy with the way things are, it might motivate you with a little anger instead of hurt. Anger is actually a bit more positive and you might get to the stage of 'I'll show him' which will help mend your broken heart. You're still quite young - focus on doing something new, learning a new skill or helping others who are down on their luck or make a list of things that you have always wanted to do, but have never done. There is happiness for you out there, don't give up on it...... I wish you all the best.

LegacyUser

lurker2000 wrote: »

Hi 'FB' - I'm just a little puzzled about your breakup - your ex was obviously wondering if the grass was greener elsewhere and voiced this opinion. But you seem to have jumped ship instantly - I mean so totally that you haven't contacted him or talked this out since.

I've heard of so many people who 'take a break' in situations like this - sometimes they continue to move away and sometimes they actually get back together as each has found that that grass is much greener with each other. Should you not meet with you ex and honestly discuss your feelings now? Perhaps he's really missed you but feels that you have shut that door - how sad would it be if you found out in years to come that he thought there was no hope?

Of course the emotional blow of finding out he might reject a reunion may not be worth the risk - but could you ask a trusted friend to 'collect your post' and perhaps they might get a feel of how things are going with him. four months is probably just about long enough to have seen if a mistake has been made.

I don't want to make you feel more upset but I think the way it ended is possibly a reason that you can't move on positively now. If you heard that he was happy with the way things are, it might motivate you with a little anger instead of hurt. Anger is actually a bit more positive and you might get to the stage of 'I'll show him' which will help mend your broken heart. You're still quite young - focus on doing something new, learning a new skill or helping others who are down on their luck or make a list of things that you have always wanted to do, but have never done. There is happiness for you out there, don't give up on it...... I wish you all the best.

I think this is a well meaning post but I'm not sure its fair to the OP. Her ex initiated the break up by telling her he has doubts after all this time; was the OP just supposed to hold his hand while he made up his mind whether to dump her? I tried this with my ex (after he told me about his doubts he backtracked big time saying its just a silly freak out, I'm his future and he doesn't want to lose me, he has commitment issues and he'll do counselling, etc) and it resulted in two weeks of torture where one minute he's reassuring me and the next minute he's pulling away. In the end I got dumped and ended up out of my home.

I've been wondering if he's still thinking about me and if it was just a freak out, but I've since heard from a friend that he's totally sure of his decision and has basically drawn a line under me. Which is incredibly upsetting for me, but now I'm glad I didn't try to talk to him as I would have been hurt even more.

If the OP's ex regrets what he's done and wants to get back together, it's up to him to make contact. It only takes a text and he has nothing to lose. The OP on the other hand has a lot to lose if she contacts her ex and gets an answer she doesn't like. Anyway, we're assuming the OP actually wants her ex back which may not be the case, how could she trust him again?

Flourybaps

Hi Lurker2000.... Well you certainly threw a spanner in the works I hadn't really thought of the break up that way before and when I stopped all communication with my ex I told him to basically leave me be as I was trying to get on with my life and the way my ex is I know he would respect that and even if he did have any regrets he wouldn't contact me because I told him not to and he knows at the moment I hate him and I feel that he pretty much destroyed my life. Well long and behold I'm out in town on Saturday night and I meet all his friends, my ex was inside in the pub and a gang of them were outside, they were all genuinely thrilled to see me and I had to cut the conversation short because my own friends were waiting on me but it got me thinking that Dublin can be a small place and with Christmas coming I didn't want our first encounter to be a drunken night out - so I sent him a text on Monday night saying 'I believe we nearly had our first encounter....' Well he text back straight away and was filling me in on his family and how everyone is doing yada yada and that it was so lovely to hear from me - ugh I wish now that I hadn't..... I'm back to thinking about the situation and him 24/7.... So going to leave things as it was and just hope that the New Year will bring me some good luck & fortune and I'm using the new year as a mental milestone to get on with life or at least put the effort in

Flourybaps

Hi knowthefeeling - you're right (see above) I should have just let sleeping dogs ly.... My ex is very methodical in his way of thinking so I have no doubt in my mind that he is just getting on with his life - our chapter has closed and his new single chapter has begun.

I won't lie I miss him terribly, I miss the company, the routine and all of that and I would want it all back in the morning but I know I will never be able to get over this and what he's done to me - I would hold it against him even if I didn't want to, I know in my heart of hearts I wouldn't be able to 'let it go' and get on with a relationship with him. It would sicken me if he did want to make a try of things now because then he destroyed what we had for nothing....

Thanks for all the advice though

LegacyUser

I know it is not easy for you at the moment but give your self that by x day you moving on with the rest of your life. It is time to get involved in new things, met new people, go on holidays ect.
Yes you though that you would be with x for the rest of your life but it is not better to be single than a relationship that is going no where or an unhappy marriage. Tell people to stop asking you do you think you & x will get back together. Tell your mother that you don't want to hear about x any more. Keep in contact with positive friends and avoid the ones who want to find out what really happened so they can tell other people.
I believe that some times thing happen for a reason. Some times you don't see or know the reason for a while. In time you have more life experience which makes you a better person. It helps you see or find someone who is better for you.
A few times I found out the real reason why things happened and I realised that I had a lucky
brake ect or got a away from a man or situation that was less than ideal.