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advice I cheated

  • 01-11-2014 9:26am
    #1
    ma 13
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭


    I'm with someone 14 year s kids etc. He has serious addiction issues and lies and disappears for hours sometimes days. Our relationship has numerous problems.hisHis best friend stayed with us for a few months and saw first hand how our life was and supported me through a lot. Hi friend moved out during summer and in the last month we started to contact each ether on a daily basis and we were flirty etc and long story short we hooked up and since that happened He's been bit distant no endless texting or calls. Is it a case he got what he wanted so now not interested


Comments

  • #2
    auldgranny
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 909 ✭✭✭auldgranny


    ma 13 wrote: »
    I'm with someone 14 year s kids etc. He has serious addiction issues and lies and disappears for hours sometimes days. Our relationship has numerous problems.hisHis best friend stayed with us for a few months and saw first hand how our life was and supported me through a lot. Hi friend moved out during summer and in the last month we started to contact each ether on a daily basis and we were flirty etc and long story short we hooked up and since that happened He's been bit distant no endless texting or calls. Is it a case he got what he wanted so now not interested


    It might be that but it might be guilt. He is your husband's best friend. He might be feeling awful about what he did.


  • #3
    DoYouEvenLift
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,188 ✭✭✭DoYouEvenLift


    Probably. Can't really expect him to want more (a relationship?) with someone who cheated on their partner to get with them in the first place. That's always a sign that if the person will cheat to be with you then they are also capable of cheating on you. This isn't targeted at you by the way, it's just a general opinion. Good to see best friends have one another's backs these days though, he sounds like a nice guy.


    Only advice I'd give is at least end the relationship. It'd also be nice if you told him you cheated and who with so he's freed of having a deceiving friend.


  • #4
    ma 13
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭ma 13


    DoYouEvenLift wrote: »
    Probably. Do you expect him to want more (a relationship?) with someone who cheated on their partner to get with them in the first place? That's always a sign that if the person will cheat to be with you then they are also capable of cheating on you. This isn't targeted at you by the way, it's just a general opinion. Good to see best friends have one another's backs these days though, he sounds like a nice guy.

    The whole situation is a total disaster first to admit that. He's certainly not feeling guilt as they fallen out and no longer really see each other.


  • #5
    Buona Fortuna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    ma 13 wrote: »
    The whole situation is a total disaster first to admit that. He's certainly not feeling guilt as they fallen out and no longer really see each other.

    Hi ma13, there's still the potential for guilt even where the partner is unknown or disliked.

    You could be right he might have just wanted the one thing. He could be just "giving you space" as maybe he figures you have enough on your plate.

    Take a big breath though because its hard to see how anyone here would be accurate from a few lines of text.

    What about you. Are you looking for more of the same or something more permanent?


  • #6
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    ma 13 wrote: »
    I'm with someone 14 year s kids etc. He has serious addiction issues and lies and disappears for hours sometimes days. Our relationship has numerous problems.hisHis best friend stayed with us for a few months and saw first hand how our life was and supported me through a lot. Hi friend moved out during summer and in the last month we started to contact each ether on a daily basis and we were flirty etc and long story short we hooked up and since that happened He's been bit distant no endless texting or calls. Is it a case he got what he wanted so now not interested

    It could be. Or he has decided that getting involved with a woman in a relationship with kids isn't something he's prepared to take on.

    From your perspective you sound like you'd be better off sorting your own relationship out first instead of getting jiggy with another man. You've said the relationship has numerous problems, he lies, has addiction issues and disappears for days. Is there anything that can be done to get help/save the relationship or would you be better off splitting up. I accept that it can't be easy to just leave but what sort of example are you setting for the kids? Would your life be easier if you didn't have this addict in your lives. It doesn't sound like he's giving you much support anyway.


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  • #7
    ma 13
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4 ✭ma 13


    Stavro Mueller wrote: »
    It could be. Or he has decided that getting involved with a woman in a relationship with kids isn't something he's prepared to take on.

    From your perspective you sound like you'd be better off sorting your own relationship out first instead of getting jiggly with another man. You've said the relationship has numerous problems, he lies, has addiction issues and disappears for days. Is there anything that can be done to get help/save the relationship or would you be better off splitting up. I accept that it can't be easy to just leave but what sort of example are you setting for the kids? Would your life be easier if you didn't have this addict in your lives. It doesn't sound like he's giving you much support anyway.

    Thanks relationship with partner is over on all levels but he won't get out of house. We've tried numerous rehab s and doctors etc things improve for awhile then all blows up again. The other guy was more of a dad to my kids while living with us he would feed dress play wit them and my partner would get up and leave us in house to hang out with his friends


  • #8
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    You shouldn't be allowing your kids live with an addict. Have you any idea how much that can **** them up in years to come? In too of that you are letting another man play daddy to them.

    Op time to be single for a while and focus on your kids


  • #9
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    ma 13 wrote: »
    Thanks relationship with partner is over on all levels but he won't get out of house. We've tried numerous rehab s and doctors etc things improve for awhile then all blows up again. The other guy was more of a dad to my kids while living with us he would feed dress play wit them and my partner would get up and leave us in house to hang out with his friends

    I wonder would the free legal aid people be able to advise you on this? The situation can't continue as it is.


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