Obsessed with embarrassing moments from years ago

LegacyUser

Hi all. I am obsessed with reliving, and tormenting myself over embarrassing things that I did years ago! Yes they were embarrassing for me, but nothing major, I know that myself, but it doesn't stop me cursing myself when I think of them, which is usually on a daily basis. These things happened years ago! I wish I could just delete those memories! Has anyone ever been the same? Any tips on what I can do to overcome this, and leave those memories in the past where they belong?? Many thanks.

mr_edge_to_you

I think we've all been there! Not a thing you can do, only try not to think about it too much.

The postive thing in my case is that there was no such thing as camera phones, youtube and Facebook when I was making an idiot of myself.

I would've been a youtube sensation!

zoobizoo

We all have them.

I try to laugh now when I think of them and see them as me being a different person back then.

Anthony Robbins talks about changing memories in his book Awaken the Giant within... something like this:

How to Weaken Your Bad Memories

The method described in the article is almost exactly the same as a method that author and motivational speaker Anthony Robbins (of all people) has been training people to use for the past two decades.

To extract the poisonous fangs (as it were) of your bad memories, bring the memory into your mind, and then imagine it getting smaller and dimmer, like you're watching a tiny black-and-white TV.

Now add details that scramble the memory. For instance, if you're remembering a time when you flubbed a presentation, turn the audience (the little bitty audience in the little bitty screen) so that they're all wearing clown suits.

Do this five or 10 times and you'll discover that the bad memory simply doesn't sting any longer. If anything, the memory of that presentation will make you chuckle, because you have literally and physically rewired your brain.

Rubberchikken

Don't waste a minute of your life thinking back to things that happened years ago.
They're gone. Laugh them off and move on.

If i had the time to think of every embarrassing thing i ever did, i'd never be able to do anything else guaranteed.

Saipanne

I guarantee literally zero percent of people remember those moments, so just find a way of accepting them. I find creating a third party person helps. Such as "if Mr X had that same embarrassing moment, would you call him the same names you call yourself?"

The answer is always no. So why call yourself those names?

Shrap

I have a notion that your feelings about past embarrassments are probably symptomatic of how hard you are on yourself OP. Are you generally somebody who analyses all your social interactions and if you think you could have handled something better, spends a lot of time beating yourself up about it?

If so, I'd suggest spending more time on catching yourself in that process and putting a stop to it. Over time, the way you dwell on how you got something "wrong" will change, but you have to recognise what you are doing to yourself first. Any time you have an invasive thought like that, SAY to yourself "I'm being overly hard on myself here, and I don't deserve that treatment". Start today!

Kevin the Kid

Try and train yourself to be more positive when negative thoughts arrive. Negative thoughts have the power to grow if nourished. There are many ways to train yourself to do this. Google "train yourself to be more positive" (sorry i can't leave links).
When the mind is trained to be positive it will push out the bad thoughts and lets optimism flood in.
Negativity is a choice.

Mrs Shrek

Kevin the Kid wrote:

Try and train yourself to be more positive when negative thoughts arrive. Negative thoughts have the power to grow if nourished. There are many ways to train yourself to do this. Google "train yourself to be more positive" (sorry i can't leave links). When the mind is trained to be positive it will push out the bad thoughts and lets optimism flood in. Negativity is a choice.

I think anxiety plays a large roll in it. This year I discovered PSTEC its a technique thats used to help you block whatever negative thoughts you experience. I cannot link to it at the moment as I don't have enough posts but do some reading on it and see what you think. You can download an app too. which i think was free araicr. It really really helped me. At the moment i am listening to some of Andrew Johnston apps. They are about €2.50 each but are really helping. I listen to them last thing at night and usually fall asleep I'm so relaxed.

Best of luck OP.

LegacyUser

Hi guys. OP here. Thanks so much for the advice offered so far. I have been struggling more with intrusive thoughts since I posted that actually. I just started a new job so anxiety is probably quite high. I keep thinking, what if I said this (awful thing) to these people in the middle of training now? Etc etc. Obviously anxiety, slight OCD, compulsive thinking. Anyone got any advice to help with that?!! I'm trying to mindfuly ground myself to reality, which is working but these episodes are taking it out of me! Thanks all.

keithclancy

badmemories wrote: »

Hi guys. OP here. Thanks so much for the advice offered so far. I have been struggling more with intrusive thoughts since I posted that actually. I just started a new job so anxiety is probably quite high. I keep thinking, what if I said this (awful thing) to these people in the middle of training now? Etc etc. Obviously anxiety, slight OCD, compulsive thinking. Anyone got any advice to help with that?!! I'm trying to mindfuly ground myself to reality, which is working but these episodes are taking it out of me! Thanks all.

When you have these feelings you just need to realise that the anxiety is only temporary.

What happened in the past is in the past and thinking about possible ways to try and alter what happened is what is causing your anxiety.

Rather than try and repress the memory, just let it play and tell yourself it was an experience.

Then go and do something nice for someone

Semele

Why not see a therapist, OP? Cognitive-behavioural Therapy is particularly suited for anxiety and OCD type problems. You'd learn how to manage it much better with targeted professional help than a range of suggestions from strangers on the internet!