Desert Golfing

johnny_ultimate

Hole number 1344. Stroke number 3764.

When I look at those numbers - my current position in Desert Golfing - I think of a lot of things. I consider the futility of the fact that I have hit a virtual ball through this lo-fi orange virtual desert almost 4,000 times. At the same time I am determined to keep my average hits per hole as low as I can. I also am reminded yet again just how much of a genius designer is Justin Smith is.

The man behind QWOP has called Desert Golfing 'trollcore', and that's a fair description. It is a game that almost mocks you for playing - the cheeky rewards for grinding through hundreds and hundreds of holes the occasional rock, cloud or cactus. Those ever increasing numbers are there to always remind you of the monotony and pointlessness of the tasks you are undertaking. It goes further than that though, and becomes a commentary on games themselves. When titles like Destiny task you with repeating the same thing over and over, Desert Golfing feels like a bold, definitive satire of that type of game design. Its rewards are punchlines (the level 1,000 'award' might be the hardest I've ever laughed at a game), its destination is nowhere.

What adds to this is the fact that Desert Golfing is an inspired piece of minimalistic game design in its own right. The physics engine is seriously robust and challenging, full of quirks, exploits and comedy value. The algorithm for the level design takes full advantage of that, and offers a constant supply of inspired slices of generative design - a wonderful mix of computer-generation and an artist's touch. Its permanence is reminiscent of Dark Souls, of all things - it urges care, caution and competence, otherwise you will be punished. Not to mention the simple act of hitting the ball remains satisfying and compulsive thousands of times over.

Desert Golfing is a game about games. It mocks them, yet is also deeply infatuated with them. It laughs at you, but also invites you to laugh with it through its deadpan, understated comedy. It is pointless yet endlessly compulsive. Desert Golfing is a brilliant, cruel, cynical, cheeky, hilarious masterpiece.

Stroke 3765...

Mr E

Can't..... stop.... playing.

Getting a streak of hole in ones is one of the most satisfying things ever. Then you get a volcano with a hole at the top that takes 35 shots.

Haven't reached level 1000 yet, though. Curious to see what happens!

Mr E

My first 100+ shot hole. I needed one shot to hit the very start of the first flat area (so it had time to stop before falling into the crack), then I had to hit a perfect shot directly into the hole (before or after the hole means it would bounce off the screen).

Turtwig

Cracks aren't a death sentence. A gentle tap parallel to the slope and the ball will 'stick' on the incline. Learning to get the ball to stop on inclines and using inclines to produce deliberate 'dampening' bounces that still ascend the incline stopping a little bit after the top is vital imo.

Every time I do badly on one hole I feel I must play at least 20 'good' holes. It's an amazing gaming experience. Pure escapism.

Turtwig

Having a ball stick to a slope you wanted it to slide down is probably the most annoying thing ever.

Had it rolled down to the end of the flat getting to the hole would likely have been two strokes maximum. Now, things are more complicated. I could try a 'flat' putt. It might have enough "oomph" to make it up the hill. Or it might stick. The incline is rather steep so odds on a 'stick' are low. In fact, a flat putt may just bounce off the bottom and back again. I could play a delicate chip and hope it doesn't bounce on too far down the slope. I think my best option though is a putt and if it fails I've only delayed one stroke from where I intended to be .

Turtwig

16 strokes. Kind of a fluke too. Didn't intend it.

Mr E

Why 16? Looks straight forward enough?

Mr E

I've got that sticky slope thing to work a few times since yesterday. A bit of a life saver (when done intentionally).

johnny_ultimate

Sandy slope stick is a key game mechanic, some holes are near impossible without it!

Turtwig

Mr E wrote: »

Why 16? Looks straight forward enough?

It is. I just should have taken a break. Kept screwing up power required for last chip. Under hit, then over hit, rinse, repeat.

Turtwig

Hole 1344.

It's identical! I'd assumed they were randomly generated.

Mr E

johnny_ultimate wrote: »

the level 1,000 'award' might be the hardest I've ever laughed at a game

??

Nothing happened on 1000 for me. Looked like a regular level.

Turtwig

Mr E wrote: »

??

Nothing happened on 1000 for me. Looked like a regular level.

Ditto. I presume that's the 'award'. A cactus did pop up at one point. Can't remember when exactly.

johnny_ultimate

Mr E wrote: »

??

Nothing happened on 1000 for me. Looked like a regular level.

Aha, Android? Something happens when you hit there in iOS.

It signs you into Gamecenter, finally and pointlessly

Turtwig

Um, what's

gamecenter?

:o

Mr E

The equivalent of Google Play Games (leaderboards, achievements etc.)

Turtwig

61 strokes. (Or 51? Pretty sure it was closer to sixty.)

Worst thing was waiting for it to roll all the way back down again. Second worst thing was the 23rd stroke. Ball bounced out of hole and all the way down again. Third worst thing was my execution on three prior positions that were achievable. Completely overcooked one to go out of bounds. Screamed!

Fourth worst thing is that the hole is a lot easier than 50 or sixty strokes. It requires patient little chips and sticks.

Turtwig

Managed to get this in 3 strokes. Biggest fluke for me so far, I think. Landed the ball in the middle crack by accident. Then played a delicate chip ball rolled all the way and managed to stay on the last ledge. Only just!

hots

Played through 500 holes, in exactly 1500 shots giving me a 3 shot average. Only had one horror hole (48 will be forever in my mind) and for some reason needed 80 shots to get through it Such an addictive game.

Turtwig

Into the 2,000s holes now. Might be a mental thing, the holes seems to be quite trickier. Averaging 4-8 strokes in a lot of holes now. It's also gotten a bit pink. :eek:

Copper_pipe

On hole 707 and 2300 strokes used

Turtwig

Now this was fcking hard!

Only saving grace is the little bit of the step at the end.

Mr E

Nice... that little step means you can do it in 2 if you get a good shot.

Nice to see it getting hard. I'm on about 1350 and it's still pretty easy for the most part (with a tricky one every 50 holes or so).

CiDeRmAn

I find I'm neglecting other games and TV, instead in hitting balls across an endless desert. The sight of a cactus was welcome though.

Turtwig

Mr E wrote: »

Nice... that little step means you can do it in 2 if you get a good shot.

Nice to see it getting hard. I'm on about 1350 and it's still pretty easy for the most part (with a tricky one every 50 holes or so).

Sadly, I wouldn't say they get harder. They require more strokes, and every now again there's a hole that is a stickler. It's still very manageable though with the odd exception. One technique I suck at is getting the ball to land gentle on a decline so it doesn't bounce violently. If I was better that the hole would be even more manageable.

hots

Just saw a cloud, today is a good day.

Mr E

I'm up around 1650 now.... seeing a few more bottomless pits.

johnny_ultimate

'You know every strategy you have used to date? Yeah, well think again buddy'

Turtwig

I'm on hole 2,600 and something tbh I'm getting fed up. Don't get me wrong I really enjoyed the game up until this point but the levels are just so similar and not really all that challenging. Unless you count requiring a few more strokes.

Mr E

johnny_ultimate wrote: »

'You know every strategy you have used to date? Yeah, well think again buddy'

I had that one last night, and check out post 18 above.

Procedurally generated my arse!

Edit: Well I guess they are procedurally generated, but the exact same way for everyone.

johnny_ultimate

Yeah, procedurally generated by the developer, but same levels for everyone!

Turtwig

HELP!!

Mr E

That looks pretty impossible.

Turtwig

Don't actually know what my final stroke count was.

So the strategy for this hole was to play the first shot to the middle area where the ball is located in the screenshot. The play a sticky shot up the slope as close as reasonably possible to the edge of the cliff (but not too close!). From there, there were two options.

i)Play a really delicate surface trimming chip shot so that the ball lands on the sand, doesn't bounce and rolls down the decline with maximum friction : Execution incredibly difficult.

ii)Play a less delicate high vertical chip shot and try to ensure your first bounce is on the flat area at the bottom of the decline. If your initial shot was vertical enough the bounce will also be largely vertical. Here you need a bit of luck with the second bounce. On many an occasion the second bounce would either be off the edge of the flat at the bottom of the decline, the inside rims of the hole, or the final edge, or completely over the edges missing everything!:( Suffice to say: execution incredibly difficult.

Somewhere along the course of trying these two approaches I observed that the ball was often hitting a wall off-screen at the very end of the hole. Giving a third option. Turned out to be a false dawn.

So I reverted to my pong days, where along the course can I strike a parabolic shot from that will produce a vertical bounce on the edge after the annoying decline. There was seemingly nowhere. So how the fck do I complete this darn hole?

Geometry had me thinking along the right lines. What I needed to do was ensure the ball landed along the decline as low down as possible but only in such a way there was no bounce. It turns out that the point you need is the first incline nearest the tee. The flight of the ball needed to the match the final decline so that around the moment the ball loses all speed it starts to land on the decline. By speed I mean the ball is no longer changing height. If it's begun it's descent from the shot it'll roll down the slope far too fast. If it hasn't begun it's descent it'll just fly over the slop out bounce back off it.

Basically think about tossing a ball straight up into the air. At the moment it leaves your hand it's going its fastest. Then it gradually slows until it reaches the apex of its climb - around here is when you want the ball to start descending the decline- when it starts to fall faster and faster until it reaches terminal velocity. Any point along the former and the ball is going far too fast. Need it at its apex where it has only the horizontal speed provided by your shot.

That's how I'd like to think I completed the hole anyway. Remember that false dawn I mentioned earlier? I lied. You just wallop the ball the full power onto the final decline and get the bounce just right that'll land back in the hole or somewhere near it.
Feel like a cheat.

Mr E

Heh, now that's an analysis.

Roughly how many strokes? Over 100? 200?

Turtwig

Under 100 anyway. Over 50. I think it was like 70 or 80 I was just walloping shots for the sake of it once I found out the path to take.

3,000th hole now. My life is complete!
...
Edit:
Ok, something is wrong here. On the last hundred to hundred and fifty holes I've been making the hole in mostly one to two strokes. Max been four strokes. Most of the holes are just bumpy putts.

Example of what I mean.

Mr E

New version out on Android. The what's new says it includes a revamp of later holes.

I'm now seeing water (which I haven't seen before), and some interesting hole layouts.

Turtwig

I'll try it later. Clearly the version I have is obsolete after 3,000 ish holes. It's just horizontal putts from some point there on after. The question I have is whether the holes above 3,000 have been fixed in that newer version.

Otherwise, I'm afraid I'm finished with this game. It was a great time sink while it lasted.

Turtwig

Any ideas?

Mr E

One light shot to the lip in front of the water. One perfect height shot to just clip the top of the peak before the hole.

If you get it onto the lip, a sticky slope shot might be possible across the water (if hit at the right angle).

Good luck with that.

Turtwig

Sticky slope shot is possible. First time I did it the stupid thing climbed up the slope too much!

Stroke 10,000.
Stroke average per hole : 2.64.

balkieb2002

I've been fairly addicted to this for past month - perfect game to play up for a few minutes while your waiting, on a bus journey etc

I've recently reached the 2000's (hole 2124 after 5575 strokes) and still going strong but the change of background to pink is really putting me off! Can any one tell me when it changes again or can I manually change it?

Mr E

2574 here, and it's green.

Mr E

Turtwig wrote: »

HELP!!

https://us.v-cdn.net/6034073/uploads/attachments/238689/328965.png

I'm here now, ridiculously hard. Can't get past it.

Adventagious

...is anyone still playing this?

Looks like i underestimated what i was getting myself into.

Mr E

Damn it, I just installed it again because of this thread.

Shit.

Adventagious

Hole 778.

I've seen a cactus, a little rock, some water and a cloud.

10/10 GOTY

Adventagious

Hole 778.

I've seen a cactus, a little rock, some water and a cloud.

10/10 GOTY

johnny_ultimate

This is probably a deep cut, but given Desert Golfing is the best mobile game and funniest game ever made, I was quite excited to hear a sequel dropped this week - Golf on Mars.

Have played through the first 100 holes and suffice to say it is a masterpiece.

https://twitter.com/manbearcar/status/1274027455741784064?s=21