Feeling lost in life (& love) after college

LegacyUser

Right, excuse me for the rambling, not used to writing down my thoughts like this.

Finished my degree this year, about to graduate, and I just feel lost in all aspects of life, like it's just going nowhere. I'm glad to be finished college, it's been a tough few years personally (trouble at home and just feeling a bit isolated in college). I've a good honours degree, unfortunately in my profession (education) there ain't many jobs so I'm basically working on a temp basis - don't know how many days I could have or not every week, awaiting/hoping for a phone call at 8am. And there's no real other way of gaining experience or work other than sticking out and hoping the temp work picks up. I'm getting 1/2 days a week so am ok money wise, it's just that I'm feeling demented sitting at home 2 or 3 days a week and them the weekend on top of it. Things at home are ok, be lost without my family and pets but there's been trouble at home in the last with other family members and at times when I'm having a bad day I feel like snapping again. I feel almost as if I've no purpose them days. (Only so much sport, running, cycling I can do to keep them thoughts at bay).

I've thought about abroad, had a contract offered to me at point. Couldn't accept the terms as I wouldn't have survived on them but this was almost a relief. I was terrified of going away, I would've been on my own, and this just scared me so much of being lonely. But on te other hand I kinda feel like I'm driving people away as I'm just constantly in bad moods and I think I'm a little jealous of former college mates who landed on their feet, so I just avoid them.

Same thing seems to happen with relationships. Good set of friends but think we're becoming a bit detached cos of work, girls etc and being a set of lads, we don't exactly talk about our problems or inner feelings. Then comes the girl..

Girl from college, we've been practically best friends for 3 years. Problem being that I'm mad about her (prob for the last year and a bit) but no movement as I remember clear as day her telling me she didn't want anything to happen (this was way back). Which was fine for a while as she was my best mate during a tough few years, and there's part of me which hates feeling like this in case something goes badly and we end up falling out. With graduation coming up, we were texting about it, she asked about the ball as she had no one to go with, she (jokingly I think) asked me to come along as her date. Problem being that I can't go as I've no ticket. But I dont wanna let her down. If I've ever a chance I think it's now, as we barely see each other as it is (opposite sides of te country) and don't think I'll have another chance, especially now as she's prob gonna be let down by me. (I've tried dating other girls, online etc - went well but never anything past a few dates and I guess no one can stop me thinking about the girl above).

So TL;dr, I'm finished college and feel lost in life and love.

Matteroffact

I must say you wrote this very well, you are very articulate. Congratulations on your honours degree, well done. You are working part time so that itself is a stepping stone. Really, you are not doing too badly at all. You have time in between working to get a good CV together and to go for interviews should you be called for one. Apply to every company you can think of and don't wait for them to advertise. You don't have too many expenses as you are living at home so that's another plus for you.

Don't worry about losing contact with friends from school, this always happens. I am sure you are suffering withdrawal symptoms from not having these friends around every day while studying, but you will make new friends as time passes. Do not compare yourself with other lads as this is not a good idea. You are unique and you have qualities that they don't have even though you may not see that right now. You can keep in touch with them but don't be surprised if these friendships fizzle out. You are all going in different directions and oftentimes friends from school drift apart.

As for the girl from school. Why can't you get a ticket to that ball, or even ask her does her ticket cover you too. This is a golden opportunity and it would be a terrible pity to miss out. If you cannot go to the ball then why not ask her to meet you some day just for a chat.

You are at a crossroads in life now but don't despair, I really think you have a lot going for you, so full steam ahead.

sarkozy

I can't tell exactly how old you are, but take it from me (and I know how hollow this advice can sounds from older people): you're still young, you're allowed to be still figuring things out at your time in life. You're really, really free to step back, work things out and take a few risks, make a few mistakes.

I squandered my school and college years, but at the time I couldn't do any better as I had been dealing with a sick parent and then bereavement for most of my life. Despite having had an interesting life, nothing's really worked out for me. I've become too wrapped up in my sadness and insecurity and lack of self belief too long to get out of it.

Very quickly, you can easily reach 35 with bills, a mortgage, a family, one imploded career, a dead-end job, surviving on a household income below the average industrial wage and pressures that work against you figuring out an entirely new career. Leave that last step too long and you might feel screwed for life. I love my wife and family but as a result, I feel like a failure and am deeply unhappy.

All I'm saying is: try to allow yourself to relax, to not take things so seriously, let your personal circumstances fade into the background, don't let them rule you, let your inner self and your desires, what you want to lead your life and give yourself the freedom to get there step-by-step. That time in your life is too precious to not take risks and live and be happy.

You're at a crossroads and it's OK for things to feel confusing. That's a good sign. Life is constant change. You are constantly changing. Just don't let your anxieties rule you. You rule them. Just grab the opportunity I never did.