Jealousy or all in my head?

duat

So, here it goes:

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 months now. I have known her for over 4 years as she dated a good friend of mine for 3+ years. They broke up awhile back, and we ended up connecting (as we always did). We immediately told our friend (her ex, my good friend). All is well, nothing is weird.

After her and my good friend broke up she moved into an apartment building with a dude who used to work with her - she lives above him. They started dating about a week after my good friend and her broke up.

She was infatuated with him - he was her comfort blanket through her breakup. They immediately started seeing each other - her heart was in it, his was in it. But he didn't want a relationship, so they were seeing each other but were basically just sex friends...

We ended up getting together, and she ended it with this guy.

Now, they still talk all day and night. From the moment he gets up at 3pm he messages her, and when they go to bed they say good night. He lives downstairs - she plays vids every Tuesday night with him and friends, or with him online - brings him food sometimes and cuts his hair.

She tells me i have no need to worry, that she is in love with me. But this is making me jealous, I feel disrespectful

Gongoozler

Considering that this girl seems to go from one guy straight to another, I wouldn't blame you for feeling unsettled. Am I reading your post right, did she get together with you before breaking things off with the casual guy? Because, I dunno about others but I would be quite wary of a person who has cheated in the past, especially the recent past. If I'm reading that wrong then ok, may be there's less to worry about.

You say she says there's nothing to worry about but what context was that said, have you spoken about this together?

duat

They were still technically 'seeing' each other. I had known her for 4 years prior, good friends - and we realized (as we always did but more so) that we had so much in common. Spent 12 hours talking the first night etc...and it got intimate. The next day she had some choices to make. The dude had mentioned he did not want a relationship - so she 'ended' it with him. He is a very logical and calculating individual - almost robotic like. After she ended it with him, a week later he started making plenty of fish accounts etc, and through FB chat they were talking about that. Now he says he's ready for a relationship etc, through chats. They talk every night - they do the same job from home (remote computer stuff). Obviously in their own apartment but, in work chat all day. Then facebook all night, really. She usually stays up until 2am, he stays up later - they end their chats with "Goodnight (name)" etc..

She describes it as a unique rock that she wants to keep and hold on to, but that I am the one she wants to take home and make a necklace out of and wear it around her heart. I get that, I appreciate that. I get that people can't be someones everything, or that people need close friends. I know him, but not well - i've never spent time with him. Which i plan on doing to attempt to remedy this situation heh.

She thinks it's all in my head, in terms of jealousy, because from her end their relationship was logical - and their ending their friends with benefits thing was logical too - and it was a very simply transition back to platonic friends.

She knows all the talk makes me uncomfortable, so after much discussion she said she would "dial it back". She told him she had come to depend on him to much and she has to cut ties slightly - which made me feel kind of ****ty! But she did that for me, and the ties - i don't even know what she means. I don't want them to not be friends, play vids together sometimes. I think i am more concerned with his intentions?

Gongoozler

She wants to make a necklace out of you? :pac:

Seriously, you don't need to worry about his intentions. He's nothing to do with the issue. You need to work out if you trust her or not. If she's going to cheat, then it doesn't matter his intentions.

It sounds like they're really good friends to me. But then I am very much from the camp that you can be friends with the opposite sex, and exes. You will get people coming in to say you shouldn't trust her with her ex. It's up to you to decide whether you trust her or not.

It seems it wouldn't be any harm to talk a bit more about the way she sees him, what kinda stuff she finds good about being friends with him etc. Get a feel for their relationship. No one here can tell you how you should feel about this. If you think it's not ok, then maybe you need to end things with her.

retro:electro

He sleeps in til 3pm?!
No but seriously, she sounds like she's more hassle than she's worth, and very melodramatic.. Those types of girls, I dono, they seem to be able to wrap guys around their fingers. It's up to you whether or not you think she's worth the hassle, but I know if it was a girl posting here and stating these facts about her boyfriend and his ex, most people would be telling her to run.

Matteroffact

You would want to be very strong not to be concerned about this. These two were lovers at one stage and she was infatuated with him but he was the one who didn't want a relationship, but now he does, so does this mean he would like a relationship with her ? I would not be easy with them having so much contact and I think it is a hell of a lot for you to be expected to deal with. It is fine for her to say don't worry about it but she is not the one having to put up with this. She wants her cake and eat it if you ask me. I would not like this arrangement at all. She should quit telling you stuff about this guy that is going to dement you. It is so unfair.

Barely There

duat wrote: »

I am the one she wants to take home and make a necklace out of and wear it around her heart.

And this is the part where you grab your coat and run.

indigo twist

She sounds like a nightmare girlfriend. Kind of like a monkey, swinging between branches (boyfriends.) Can't let go of one until she has a firm grip on the next one, and at that she always has her back-up firmly within her sights and reach.

I usually hate the idea of ultimatums, but she is clearly far too emotionally dependent on this guy to have a proper relationship with you. Tell her you're not comfortable with the level of intimacy she has with him (and you're clearly not, or you wouldn't have started this thread.)

Either she respects this, majorly cuts down on contract with him, and focuses on your relationship.

Or, she ends the relationship (and chooses him) - and all you have done is accelerated the inevitable, which is preferable to prolonging it.

seamusk84

Dude, not worth it. I would run now before getting in any deeper.
You are setting yourself up to be seriously hurt.