How about this

unjedilike

My mother died over a year ago. Recently the daughter of one of my father's friends came to him and told him that she had been talking to my mother and that she is doing just fine. She then told him something my mother had said that only he knew and that threw him for six. The thing is that this young woman doesn't seem to have any motive to tell him this. I've never met her but I know her parents and they're great, from what I know of her she's popular, funny, intelligent and works as a civil servant. My dad says she's great craic. I stopped believing in ghosts a long time ago so??? I had another call from my dad yesterday saying she had been in touch to say that my mother visited her again. Anyone want to chip in with their thoughts here?

Peregrinus

Without more detail, it's very hard to say anything intelligent. But two thoughts occur to me.

First, whatever this thing is, it's not true that only your father knew it. Your mother also knew it. And which seems more likely to you - that your mother told someone about it before she died, or that she told someone about it after she died? It may be very surprising that the popular, funny, intelligent, civil servant daughter of a friend of your father know this thing, and (depending on what it is) it may be surprising that your mother would have told anyone about it, either before or (if that is even possible) after her death. But there is no explanation for this set of facts that isn't suprising on some level, and all other things being equal I prefer the surprising naturalistic explanation over the suprising supernaturalistic explanation.

Secondly, not to call your father's understanding or judgment into question in any way at all, but your father's interpretation of what this young woman said to him is of course coloured by his knowledge of certain facts. And - again, depending very much on exactly what was said - he could be understanding what she says as referring to something that, in fact, she has little or no knowledge of. And a good deal here depends not on whether you beleive in ghosts but on whether your father does. Would he be disposed to accept that this young woman could be transmitting a message from beyond the grave, or would he be as dubious about that proposition as I am?

unjedilike

The message that was conveyed was about something that happened after she died. Something completely random that my father had done, something that never would've come up in any conversation yet she knew about it somehow. My main question is why, why would she say these things to him?

unjedilike

As to your second point, he does believe it but he definitely would've questioned it, I'd say. He wouldn't be overly religious. He quite likes the idea I think.

Peregrinus

Couple of points:

"Religious" =/= "believes in ghosts". Plenty of nonreligious people are, um, open to believing in ghosts, black cats, the number 13, karma, feng shui whatever. Notably, one of the most atheist societies on the planet is also one of the most superstitious. And conversely plenty of religious people have no time whatsoever for ghosts, mediums, fortune-telling, the undesirablity of walking under ladders, etc.

Why would the young woman say this things to your father? Hard to know, when we don't know what the thing is, but presumably it's something your father would be interested to hear, which I think is prima facie a good reason for telling him.

unjedilike

I understand what you mean. Just can't fathom what pleasure she'd get from this.

Peregrinus

unjedilike wrote: »

I understand what you mean. Just can't fathom what pleasure she'd get from this.

Neither can I, not knowing her. And, while I could speculate, those speculations would not all be charitable towards her, so I won't.

Do you know exactly what it is that she has told him? And, if so, is there a reason why you cannot tell us? Not to call your own good faith into question, but an awful lot of these "Look! Proof!" stories depend on some detail which is held back and cannot be scrutinised. We have to accept somebody's assurance that the medium unquestionably knew something that she couldn't possibly have known. This arouses my scepticism.

neckedit

I can only assume it was a pleasant thing your Father was told. If this is the case I'm sure it was mentioned to him to comfort him in some way. Im not religious at all yet I believe I have encountered something abnormal many years ago.

unjedilike

He lives in Spain, while she was on holiday she told him that he had rearranged his bedroom since my mother had died. She asked if she could see it and then told him where everything was before he changed it around. She also said that my mother was sitting on a table in the room at that moment and that she had a new friend called D'Arcy, a name that has no meaning for any of my family afaik. Essentially, the way I view this is that it's doing no great harm to anyone it just bothers me a little. As I said, he's quite content in the idea that she's around him.

Peregrinus

Anyone who was in the house before the redecoration could have told her how things were before. Or she may have seen photographs. Or she might simply have known your mother well enough to have guessed with a useful degree of accuracy how your mother would have arranged the room/how the room might be rearranged for single occupancy.

As to why she would tell him these things, as I say, charity forbids.

unjedilike

He just moved stuff around, rearranged not redecorated. It's a small room. He faced the bed a different way, moved the TV etc., completely random. If she is trying to cold read him then why?

nozzferrahhtoo

You want us to speculate about the motives of someone we do not know, for saying something we do not know, to a person we do not know, about a topic that we do not know? I am not sure how we can reasonably say anything of use to you at all.

All I can do is point out that whole swaths of nonsense in this world is supported by a foundation of "I do not know how that person could have that information". NDE. OBE. Reincatnation. Psychic readings. And much more. It is all based on "That person knew X, I do not know how that person knows X, therefore the following claim is true............".

We had a user, now retreated from the forum, try to establish that reincarnation is real for example. And the _only_ support he managed to muster for this in the end was a "paper" about a woman who was able to speak a language that her family do not remember her learning.

"I do not know how she can speak that language, therefore reincarnation............".

It is the kind of nonsense argument we get too often around these parts alas.

kylith

unjedilike wrote: »

He just moved stuff around, rearranged not redecorated. It's a small room. He faced the bed a different way, moved the TV etc., completely random. If she is trying to cold read him then why?

For all we know, for the lols. Maybe she wanted to give him some reassurance, maybe she's a sadistic witch who gets off on freaking people out, we don't know. What's more likely though; your mother came from beyond the grave to visit an acquaintance and critique her husband's decorating skills, or that this woman knew/guessed that he'd done some shuffling of furniture?

unjedilike

Looks like a confronting is in my future.

Tordelback

unjedilike wrote: »

Looks like a confronting is in my future.

You must be psychic!

indigo twist

unjedilike wrote: »

He lives in Spain, while she was on holiday she told him that he had rearranged his bedroom since my mother had died. She asked if she could see it and then told him where everything was before he changed it around. She also said that my mother was sitting on a table in the room at that moment and that she had a new friend called D'Arcy, a name that has no meaning for any of my family afaik. Essentially, the way I view this is that it's doing no great harm to anyone it just bothers me a little. As I said, he's quite content in the idea that she's around him.

Is it not a little bit odd that she'd decide to call to see her dad's friend while on holidays there? Just seems a bit ... strange ...

And what's really strange is asking to see her dad's friend's bedroom! Whatever motives she had, it's just a very strange thing to ask of someone. I'm wondering if this woman has a bit of a thing for your father?

Isn't it possible that she'd seen photos of the bedroom before? E.g. on a property website (if she was stalky enough to go looking)? For that matter, when she went into the bedroom, maybe she saw subtle marks on the walls or carpet indicating where things had been before he rearranged them. (It's also entirely possible that he mentioned to her in conversation that he'd moved things around, but then forgot he'd mentioned it previously.)

I'm sure the idea of your mother hanging around "in spirit" is lovely for you and your father. Seems to me, though, that there are many more logical explanations ...

unjedilike

See, that's the issue, this girl is extremely likeable and quite popular in her hometown. She spoke to my father in front of her own parents who I know personally. My father would certainly be sceptical of any of this sort of thing but he believes her. She, only two days ago, contacted him to say she had visited again however this time didn't speak just stood there flicking a lighter. Is she dreaming this because I think she believes herself what she says.

kylith

unjedilike wrote: »

See, that's the issue, this girl is extremely likeable and quite popular in her hometown. She spoke to my father in front of her own parents who I know personally. My father would certainly be sceptical of any of this sort of thing but he believes her. She, only two days ago, contacted him to say she had visited again however this time didn't speak just stood there flicking a lighter. Is she dreaming this because I think she believes herself what she says.

Being likeable and popular doesn't mean she's not deluded or lying. Her parents being lovely people also doesn't mean that their daughter isn't either deluded or lying.

She may honestly believe she is communicating with your mother, but she may also be doing it to increase her stature - after all, your father now believes that she is something special.


On a tangent; I had a run-in with a 'medium/psychic' online a few years ago who volunteered to 'prove' their gift so I asked where my grandmother's claddagh ring was. I received a message that the ring was lost and I would never get it back, but it was bringing happiness to the person who had found it. "No, no," I replied "I know exactly where the ring is, in fact I checked on it this morning. I just wanted you to tell me where it was". Apparently I was cheating.

matrim

If I was in your situation I'd be wary of her suddenly looking for money or old jewellery. Keep an eye out for your father suddenly having less disposable cash or things missing from the house

recedite

unjedilike wrote: »

My dad says she's great craic....

unjedilike wrote: »

and that she had a new friend called D'Arcy, a name that has no meaning for any of my family afaik...

Darcy, isn't that the character from the Jane Austen book which is essentially about golddiggers; how to catch and manipulate a man with money?

recedite

I'm thinking the next message from your mother is going to be for your Dad, to tell him "its time you stopped grieving for me and moved on".

kylith

recedite wrote: »

I'm thinking the next message from your mother is going to be for your Dad, to tell him "its time you stopped grieving for me and moved on".

Or yer woman starting to talk about how strapped for cash she is after her boiler broke down or an unexpected car problem, 'oh no, I couldn't take your money. Well, if you insist'.

lazybones32

unjedilike wrote: »

My mother died over a year ago. Recently the daughter of one of my father's friends came to him and told him that she had been talking to my mother and that she is doing just fine. She then told him something my mother had said that only he knew and that threw him for six. The thing is that this young woman doesn't seem to have any motive to tell him this. I've never met her but I know her parents and they're great, from what I know of her she's popular, funny, intelligent and works as a civil servant. My dad says she's great craic. I stopped believing in ghosts a long time ago so??? I had another call from my dad yesterday saying she had been in touch to say that my mother visited her again. Anyone want to chip in with their thoughts here?

Keith Barry did something very similar on the LL show or Sat. Night a few years ago; David Blaine can 'read minds'; Dynamo (?) the street magician can do it too as can the good-looking woman that has her mentalist show...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx0hImmmHKU

branie2

She could be a con artist

MrPudding

lazybones32 wrote: »

Keith Barry did something very similar on the LL show or Sat. Night a few years ago; David Blaine can 'read minds'; Dynamo (?) the street magician can do it too as can the good-looking woman that has her mentalist show...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vx0hImmmHKU

Derren Brown can do the same and he makes it quite clear he is not psychic, and nor are any of the others that claim to be. Check out his 'infamous' show for a demonstration.

MrP

unjedilike

I've seen Derren Brown live, there's nobody like him. Fantastic show.

keane2097

How many different ways are there to rearrange a bed & TV in a small room? Colour me unimpressed tbh.