Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Uncomfortable with Dating, etc.

  • 26-10-2014 11:23pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    Not really sure what advice I want out of this, but just thought I'd put this out there... :)

    I'm 25 and have been in one serious relationship (started when I was 17 and ended a little over 3 years ago). For a while now, I've been looking to find someone nice, but I've noticed a stumbling block that keeps coming up.

    I am very uncomfortable with the idea of going on dates. I have used dating websites and introductions by friends (as well as the odd random conversation!) to try to meet a girl, and these generally don't go too badly. But when it comes to the point of asking her out in a more formal sense, I panic. I'm not massively shy or anything, but I just panic and remove myself from the situation.

    Some of it has to do with having relatively low self-esteem (but that's another thread), but a lot of it is that I just don't know what to do for or during a date! I'm the kind of person that likes to know where things are headed (even just vaguely), and the fact that I haven't done this really since I was 17 makes me feel like I'll come across a right twat! At this stage, I've thought about it too much to be able to relax when I eventually do get beyond the current hurdle. It's a recurring dream of mine that I'll be out for coffee and have nothing interesting to say!

    I've had a few really nice girls lose interest due to me continually putting it off and I'd really like to stop.


Comments

  • #2
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    Could you just treat a date like going to meet a friend rather than a potential relationship partner. Bear in mind also that the girls can be apprehensive too and it is all about putting them at their ease and showing an interest in them, rather than wondering how you are doing. You only need to talk about everyday things, like t.v. programmes, books, jobs, school days, news, etc. You don't have to be a whiz at any particular subject, just play it by ear and the conversation will flow. Try to be positive rather than falling back on negative thoughts and with practice you will be flying in no time.


  • #3
    Buona Fortuna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,507 ✭✭✭Buona Fortuna


    uncomfortable_dater wrote: »
    I am very uncomfortable with the idea of going on dates. I have used dating websites and introductions by friends (as well as the odd random conversation!) to try to meet a girl, and these generally don't go too badly. But when it comes to the point of asking her out in a more formal sense, I panic. I'm not massively shy or anything, but I just panic and remove myself from the situation.


    Stop calling it a date. Just ask her out for a coffee. Meet for lunch - no pressure on anyone. See where it leads, maybe nowhere but it was a nice lunch at least.


    I've had a few really nice girls lose interest due to me continually putting it off and I'd really like to stop
    Nothing says shows disinterest as well as this ;)

    Best of luck OP.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP,

    I'm always incredibly anxious before a date, but as soon as I'm with the person I'm absolutely grand and really enjoy myself. One thing that I find reassuring before first dates in particular, is having an activity planned rather than a coffee/lunch/dinner/drinks. Despite the fact that I can talk for Ireland I have the fear you mentioned of sitting there staring at eachother with nothing to say.

    I'd suggest the zoo/crazy golf/viking splash/guinness storehouse or anything along those lines. As a girl I know I appreciate when something a bit different is suggested. And with the above if there's a silence there's always something to look at/comment on/joke about.

    Have yourself prepped with a few 'go to' topics for silences...the chances are you won't need them but you'll be comforted knowing you have them.

    And for gods sakes, don't put girls off. There is nothing more deflating to a girl than a guy who makes all the right noises about asking you out, but does nothing. I don't know how many threads I've seen here in that vein. And it will simply be put down to 'he's just not that into you', rather than them having any notion that you're just shy about it.

    If a girl likes you she won't care if you come across a bit nervous on a first date, it's normal. But all the talk in the world isn't going to make it happen - bite the bullet next time! ;) Good luck!


Advertisement