Should I go and meet him?

countryliving

Hello fello board members,
this is not a major problem but my head is wrecked.
i started a new job last march and one of the reps that is on the road for the west of ireland - we always got on well. the sales team are usually in the office once every 3 weeks and we work for a small company. i have always got on very well with him and he would be on the phone chatting to me over work stuff but ive always thought a lot of him.
there was a big project on so my boss sent me down on site to cover administration work. anyhow we got on very well and finally on the last night he told me he was interested in me. in fairness i felt a huge connection and we had a great time working together. i fancy him and he has asked me on a date this weekend.
the date means ive to travel all the way west again (i was planning to go home this weekend to the south east) and i really don't have the funds to be staying overnight in a hotel and he is a lovely guy single no baggage etc. but extremely shy and clueless about asking a girl out or having a date. i was even impressed he asked me out on a date.
i think its a bit rich him expecting me to go all the way over to the west to meet him stay overnight. i get a text message from him at lunch time and he said he will ring me over the weekend to make arrangements. i havent heard a word from him this week bar a text message on sunday night.
i am kinda browned off over the date cause i feel i am making a huge effort.
Will i regret going and secondly how would i face him at work again.
anyhow, it is not a major issue.
i am so used to getting involved with the wrong guys - this guy is different very kind and has a lot of good qualities

Blingy

countryliving wrote: »

Hello fello board members,
this is not a major problem but my head is wrecked.
i started a new job last march and one of the reps that is on the road for the west of ireland - we always got on well. the sales team are usually in the office once every 3 weeks and we work for a small company. i have always got on very well with him and he would be on the phone chatting to me over work stuff but ive always thought a lot of him.
there was a big project on so my boss sent me down on site to cover administration work. anyhow we got on very well and finally on the last night he told me he was interested in me. in fairness i felt a huge connection and we had a great time working together. i fancy him and he has asked me on a date this weekend.
the date means ive to travel all the way west again (i was planning to go home this weekend to the south east) and i really don't have the funds to be staying overnight in a hotel and he is a lovely guy single no baggage etc. but extremely shy and clueless about asking a girl out or having a date. i was even impressed he asked me out on a date.
i think its a bit rich him expecting me to go all the way over to the west to meet him stay overnight. i get a text message from him at lunch time and he said he will ring me over the weekend to make arrangements. i havent heard a word from him this week bar a text message on sunday night.
i am kinda browned off over the date cause i feel i am making a huge effort.
Will i regret going and secondly how would i face him at work again.
anyhow, it is not a major issue.
i am so used to getting involved with the wrong guys - this guy is different very kind and has a lot of good qualities

Since ye know each other why don't you mention this. Or say something about no where to stay and could ye meet half way. I would definitely say something. Maybe he doesn't realise you have no where to stay.

pc7

countryliving wrote: »

i am so used to getting involved with the wrong guys - this guy is different very kind and has a lot of good qualities

This says it all for me and as Einstein said Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
You've said he's a little clueless so might not realise that its a big effort for you to go, but based on your post I think you have nothing to lose and should go for it. Its a Bank Holiday weekend, go have some fun and see where it leads you. Better to go with an open mind and looking forward to it than not going and being pissed off all weekend that it wasn't an American type movie moment asking you over or whisking you away for the weekend.

LegacyUser

Could you bring a few friends with you and find a cheapish b&b/hotel seeing as it's such a long distance? You could meet him one of the nights and have another night out with your friends?

IlmoNT4

The only things you need to understand here is

1. You fancy him
2. He fancies you
3. You had a good time with him
4. He asked you out

The rest of your post sounds like someone who is putting their defenses up. Forget all that -"I think its a bit rich " attitude. Forget who texted who and when....if you need to clarify your weekend arrangements with him, then phone him. If you cant afford to go, then tell him that you would like to see him again but you cant afford it.

You gotta keep this stuff simple

Lalealea

He should be making equal effort.

Just be honest with him about not being able to afford it and see it you can work stuff out. I'm sure something could be worked out just tell him your situation.

countryliving

thank you.
all very good advice.
in fairness he got tickets for us
he lives a bit of a distance away about 40 minutes drive away from the town where we are going and im based in dublin but travelling to the southeast later this evening after work.
- yes for sure keep it simple. i do fancy him and he has told me he fancies me we are very comfortable together and we get on great, he is the type of man i want in my life
- for sure meeting this guy marks a huge positive change in my life. i have met the worst type of men and i have been in bad situations
- i was going up to the west of Ireland for 2 nights and i have now cancelled to one night cause i cannot afford the trip away

i guess it all boils down to - me being a little scared. ive been hurt before and in fairness who hasn't.
sometimes it is easier just to be single.

in fairness, about 2 months ago i met a guy out one night and he has text me every single day and has never arranged to meet up again we kissed and that was it (in fairness i was away working for a month) and i was down in lisdoonvarna at the festival and met another guy down there same story no follow up just kissed him. and your heart would be broken with the rejection and messers that are out there.
the guy i work with is refreshing

Lalealea

Then try and relax and enjoy yourself :-)

countryliving

your spot on putting up defences i am!

thank you!

yep gotto keep it simple

dellas1979

But I dont think having a little defense or (crap) radar is a bad thing.

It sorts the good from the bad. The messers from the real ones. And it shows self-respect towards yourself.

Youve already gone off into how nice he is, and you dont really know him! Save that for people who deserve that.

I remember some of your previous posts. Whats the one thing (I hope) youve learned from previous messers?

Dont go into full attachment mode or wander off in your head of what could bes (until something more develops or there is some sort of commitment and you are happy). Take it for what it is, right now. And just enjoy yourself.

rcarroll

go, enjoy the date, but you're right to think it's a bit rich expecting you to travel....so the next date, make it half way/somewhere that suits you. If he puts in the effort, relax the defenses a bit and have fun

CaraMay

Don't ruin what sounds like a good thing by putting up barrier already. You go this time and let him travel to you the next time. Beg or borrow the money but don't ask him to split the cost

Lalealea

CaraMay wrote: »

Don't ruin what sounds like a good thing by putting up barrier already. You go this time and let him travel to you the next time. Beg or borrow the money but don't ask him to split the cost

If she genuinely can't afford it and it would be that type of situation, I think she should say she simply can't afford it.

Although I get the impression she can afford it. I couldn't be ready for that kind of expense at the drop of a hat. I don't borrow or beg either.Nor would I ask him to split the cost. I would explain and ask if we could come to an alternative.

I am notoriously proud and stubborn. I know! And I'm not rolling in it.

Enjoy OP. It sounds like he is a nice one after the messers you had.

CaraMay

The point was not to ask him for money.... Beg or borrow was an expression