Disappointed with counsellor

cherrychau

I went to see a counsellor recently about a big issue I was having. She helped me a bit I must admit and I saw her just four times. It cost 60 euro per session so I wanted to get a receipt to claim back from health insurance. Anyhow she didn't offer it the first time. The second time I asked her for it and she gave me a receipt for the two sessions.

Anyhow usually she keeps me waiting about 10-15 minutes whilst another client is with her which I guess is kind of ok. Yesterday when I was with her she was as usual a little late. I asked her for a receipt at the end and she said she didn't have time as she didn't want to keep the other person waiting. It was strange as the other person was only five minutes late. She had no problem taking my money but when I asked for a receipt she acted bothered and said that I should send her a stamped address envelope to her practice and she would send it to me. I mean it wouldn't have taken two seconds. It seemed quite mean to me and I am entitled to it after all. She said I should have asked for at the beginning if the session and she would have stopped the session at 5 to four even though she was late starting with me in the first place!!

On top of all that she spent so much time talking about her other clients that I ended up frustrated she wasn't listening. It's a bit annoying now as I don't totally feel comfortable going back to her even though I hate the idea of going through the same issue with another counsellor.

Am I being unreasonable or am I justified in being annoyed?!

Thanks

IlmoNT4

One big flag is that she should not be talking about other clients to you. That is a breech of confidentiality, I would personally find a different therapist. Also you should be doing most of the talking, not her. Shes there to guide and support you.

If you do stay with this therapist. Tell her next time that you need a receipt and could she make the receipt out before each session. If your therapist cant get paper work organised I would find someone else. The receipt stuff is not a big deal, its just making sure you have communicated to her that you will require a receipt, into your hand after each session.

If you are not happy with any aspect of your therapy session then its better to find someone who understands your needs now rather than another 6 months in. Therapy is expensive and its not about what your therapist wants. This is for you, so be selfish.

cherrychau

Thanks lou Lou for your response. Now I am worried that she will use me as an example or a reference point to her other clients. It is a fairly big issue and even though she doesn't use names she does go into a lot of detail about their issues. Very disconcerting! I know I may be paranoid but I hate the idea that she could do the same to me as she has done to other clients. I mean it's meant to be totally confidential! Should I say something to her or just leave it go?! I'm feeling worse today than I did before I went to her yesterday!

IlmoNT4

Cut your loses and find a new therapist OP...

If you want to spend 60 euro telling her that your not happy with how shes interacting with you then go for it. Its your time and money.

Take a step back from this, you are paying her 60 euro for a service. If you brought your car to a mechanic and they wouldnt issue a receipt, made you feel anxious and talked about other peoples cars, I'm sure you would find another mechanic because why on earth would you want to pay someone who isnt doing their job properly. You shouldnt have any issues with your therapist because this is distracting you from the therapeutic work that you need to do. If you are leaving therapy upset that she may share your experiences with another client then thats not a good place to start working on yourself.

cherrychau

Yeah you are right Lou Lou. Just disappointed with the service. I wanted to trust her with something so deeply personal and it was good to have someone to confide in despite the cost. I didn't want to talk to others about it. I just want to move on from it but it is important I know I can talk to someone confidentially if I need to.

How easy is it to find a good therapist I wonder.....?!

Greenduck

Hi OP

Loads of alarm bells were going off when I read your post. Not only does she sound incredibly insensitive but its very worrying she is breaching confidentiality at an alarming rate! I would cease your sessions with her as soon as you can.

A therapist should be there for you 100% while also keeping some boundaries for themselves (such as time keeping, money, no shows etc). Their goal is to be there for you, hold the therapeutic space and listen listen listen. It is not very difficult to find a good therapist. Check out the IACP and IAHIP websites for recommended accredited people. Also dont commit to continuing with a therapist if you dont feel like its a good fit or 100% comfortable with the person.

Please dont give up! It sounds like you're ready to starting working through things and that's so important for therapy.

LegacyUser

As a qualified psychotherapist, I can tell you she is absolutely not breaking any confidentiality rules by discussing other clients. It is very common, necessary and helpful.

Often clients are helped tremendously by discussing other cases, how other clients responded, and indeed issues that clients have may only become visible when they see it in other cases. Additionally, it is ONLY though discussing client cases, that progress in any psychotheraputic model is achieved. This includes not only discussing other cases with clients, but through sharing client experiences through conferences, and publishing in books, journals, and exploring them with students who are training.

BUT! Names, where the person lives, etc are absolutely not permitted! That is a breach of confidentiality.

However, other things raise red flags. If a client asks for a receipt you give it to them. You NEVER leave someone waiting (not exactly a great strategy if someone has self-esteem issues). She also sounds completely insensitive which is the last thing you want/need.

I had a counsellor myself like this once (all counsellors are required to have counselling themselves), I felt like a complete burden and like it was a huge inconvenience for her to see me.

Simply change counsellors, do not let it put you off counselling as a whole. There are numerous amazing therapists out there, and like any profession, a whole lot of bad ones.

neemish

I would listen to the above advice and cut your losses. If she starts out like this, what will she be like in six months time?

The advice I think is to go to someone for about six sessions and then re-evaluate. Does it feel like a good match? Is this someone you think you can trust? Are they professional? There's a sticky at the top of the psychology forum about finding a therapist.

If you don't think that this is the person for you to work with, you are well within your rights to say thanks, but I'll be finishing on x date.

There ARE excellent therapists out there, sometimes it just finds a little while to find the right one!

Greenduck

jnhkkjvgjkhbjnm wrote: »

As a qualified psychotherapist, I can tell you she is absolutely not breaking any confidentiality rules by discussing other clients. It is very common, necessary and helpful.

Often clients are helped tremendously by discussing other cases, how other clients responded, and indeed issues that clients have may only become visible when they see it in other cases. Additionally, it is ONLY though discussing client cases, that progress in any psychotheraputic model is achieved. This includes not only discussing other cases with clients, but through sharing client experiences through conferences, and publishing in books, journals, and exploring them with students who are training.

This is fine once it is of benefit to the client, which in this case its clearly not.

LegacyUser

Greenduck wrote: »

This is fine once it is of benefit to the client, which in this case its clearly not.

I completely agree.

I drew attention to it only because there were numerous posters incorrectly assuming it wasn't common practice and and incorrectly stating it was a confidentiality breach, so as to set the OP's mind at ease in that regard.

But yes, like any psychotherapeutic approach it benefits some clients, and not others, and the overall experience of the OP suggests not only is this tool unhelpful, it may be damaging their confidence in the entire counselling process.

Apart from this particular counsellors unprofessionalism, regarding the red flags (waiting, receipt etc.) clients average 5 therapists before they find a correct "fit ", so even despite her insensitivity its very common to change counsellors a few times before you are happy. It's a complicated relationship, and if it's not working for you, for any reason, simply change.

When I was training, I saw three before a comfortable relationship was formed.

Best of luck Op x

cherrychau

Thanks for the helpful responses. I am going through a really tough time at the moment and really need help ASAP. I am disappointed that I feel I can't go back to the same counsellor as she knows what's going on and was helpful in giving me some perspective for the first two sessions. But she kind of let me down the last time really in how dismissive and inconvenienced she reacted about the receipt. A small thing but we ended up leaving on a sour note really. I mean I had just poured my heart out and she was so cold at the end.

Anyhow I did see a doctor and she said she could refer me to a psychologist. But I rang her and told her to hold off as I was worried because the off the distance of the clinic to my home. It's literally around the corner. Good in terms of convenience but I am petrified she'll know someone who knows me etc. I work in a public job and I so don't want things of which is my own private affairs to get out. Naturally all therapists are meant to be confidential with your information but in reality do they talk about stuff that goes on to friends or family. I mean it's human nature to talk. What do people think?!

JuliusCaesar

cherrychau wrote: »

Naturally all therapists are meant to be confidential with your information but in reality do they talk about stuff that goes on to friends or family. I mean it's human nature to talk. What do people think?!

This is why counsellors, therapists and psychologists have clinical supervisors and multidisciplinary teams - to talk about issues they may experience with clients, discuss treatment options etc. In any case, even in clinical supervision, there is no reason ever to give a client's full name - an MDT will have it but confidentiality is within the treating team and treatment is agreed by the team. In any case, talking about clients outside the job, even with family/spouse is a big no-no. Without confidentiality, there is no job. So no, we don't.