Am I right to be hurt/annoyed?

LegacyUser

Just a quick question. Last week I unexpectedly ended up in hospital for 3 days where I had surgery done. Most of my friends have been so nice and kind since last week, texting or offering to come visit.
My problem is with two girls in the group. There would be 8 or 9 of us who would be friends but like everything else I'd be closer to some in the group. I haven't heard from these girls since I have been in hospital..they both know I was sick as I am very friendly with their sisters. I had my suspicions that they didn't like me before for some reason but I can't help feeling hurt by this. I don't expect a lot but am I being stupid expecting a simple text to say hope everything is ok or something along those lines?

Penny Tration

Maybe they didn't want to be bothering you with texts while you're unwell? My closest friends won't text me if I'm sick, because they don't want me to feel obliged to reply.

I wouldn't think too much into it just yet.

Dial Hard

ocktober14 wrote: »

Just a quick question. Last week I unexpectedly ended up in hospital for 3 days where I had surgery done. Most of my friends have been so nice and kind since last week, texting or offering to come visit.
My problem is with two girls in the group. There would be 8 or 9 of us who would be friends but like everything else I'd be closer to some in the group. I haven't heard from these girls since I have been in hospital..they both know I was sick as I am very friendly with their sisters. I had my suspicions that they didn't like me before for some reason but I can't help feeling hurt by this. I don't expect a lot but am I being stupid expecting a simple text to say hope everything is ok or something along those lines?

Are you actually, genuinely friends with these girls, or are they in your circle of friends because you kind of inherited them through being friends with their sisters? Cause personally, I wouldn't even think of texting my friends' sisters, even if we sometimes socialise in a group, just because they had surgery.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

I've ended up in hospital unexpectedly a few times over the years. I don't expect any of my friends to visit me, in fact I didn't even tell them the last few times, it's not like they were near-death experiences and it might be their last chance to say goodbye. The absence of a text wouldn't trouble me in the slightest. I'm not there for every moment of their lives and I won't expect them to be there for every moment of mine.

woodchuck

Personally I think you're over reacting. It wouldn't even occur to me to get annoyed about this. As someone else mentioned, they might not want to bother you while you're not well, particularly if you're not as close to those two in particular. Just be grateful for the people who have offered their support etc without keeping a checklist.

Rubberchikken

I wouldnt read to much into it. If they're not really close friends they might have thought they were intruding if they sent a txt.


Hope you're feeling better

Holysock

If I hadn't been told directly by the person who was sick that they had been ill in hospital, I wouldn't comment on it to them.You wouldn't know if they want people to know or if they want it discussed. Peoples medical issues are their own business.

rcarroll

I ended up in hospital like yourself quite unexpectedly, nothing life threatening. My friend took me and I honestly didn't expect him to stay. The fact that he did, and my closest friends came to visit me was a complete surprise and a lovely touching thing to do. I'm a grown up and have accepted that in general I will have to deal with problems on my own. Having my friends around is an added bonus and it's what makes them special, but I wouldn't expect it at all and in fact, when two other friends didn't come to visit I didn't feel the least offended.

Sometimes people don't think too much about other peoples problems, or they might not want to bother you, or honestly, if you admit yourself ye are not close, then this just confirms it

BabysCoffee

Be happy that some of your friends reached out. Forget about the fact that the others didn't - you don't know what was going on with them. Maybe they felt it was inappropriate, maybe they had stuff on so didn't have time or maybe they just didn't want to visit you. That's their prerogative.

LegacyUser

I can understand why your upset with these people if they are friends. I would not fault someone if they did not visit you in hospital but they could have sent a text or rang you to see how you were.

The next time one of these people ring you I would just to them that your busy. I would also be slow in answering text messages unless they mention something you would like to do or some event you want to go to.
If they say anything to you I would just say - you know I was not well/in hospital recently but you did not even sent me a text to see how I was so you can't expect me to drop everything to suit you like I did in the past.

Big Bag of Chips

You can't help how you feel, but if you are annoyed or upset over this then I think you are overreacting. It sounds like these people are acquaintances rather than friends. And they are only in your social group because you are friends with their sisters. You being in hospital was a big deal to you. It's not that big a deal to everyone else. That may seem harsh, but it's the way it is.

I've been in hospital and haven't even told my best friend! Reason being.. When I'm in hospital it's usually because I'm very sick and a bit miserable. I could do without having to reassure people by texts or phone calls that I'm fine, or be entertaining visitors.

You should be concentrating more on yourself and less on how many people were worried about you.

Ellie2008

I felt compelled to answer this in my view you are 100% overreacting. You re not even close to these two girls & you were in hospital for a short stay, even if they did hear about it they probs thought little of it, people get sick all the time, if I was in hospital for such a short period I don't think id bother even telling some of my friends. I m sure those two girls have their own stuff going on.

On a different point I hope you are feeling better.

Ellie2008

lady 2015 wrote: »

I can understand why your upset with these people if they are friends. I would not fault someone if they did not visit you in hospital but they could have sent a text or rang you to see how you were.

The next time one of these people ring you I would just to them that your busy. I would also be slow in answering text messages unless they mention something you would like to do or some event you want to go to.
If they say anything to you I would just say - you know I was not well/in hospital recently but you did not even sent me a text to see how I was so you can't expect me to drop everything to suit you like I did in the past.

In my view the above is encouraging you to engage in petty point scoring, you can choose to follow it of course but the consequences might be those girls deciding they ve had enough and ending the friendship.

BabysCoffee

lady 2015 wrote: »

I can understand why your upset with these people if they are friends. I would not fault someone if they did not visit you in hospital but they could have sent a text or rang you to see how you were.

The next time one of these people ring you I would just to them that your busy. I would also be slow in answering text messages unless they mention something you would like to do or some event you want to go to.
If they say anything to you I would just say - you know I was not well/in hospital recently but you did not even sent me a text to see how I was so you can't expect me to drop everything to suit you like I did in the past.

Why would you attempt to alienate yourself further from your friends?