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About to break down

  • 21-10-2014 10:08pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi All,

    Firstly, apologies if this post gets a bit rant-y. I'm posting here because I can't make sense of what's going on in my head at the moment, and I don't know how I can improve things.

    So I'm 29 and a single parent to my daughter. She's 6 and after reasonably regular contact for all her life, her poor excuse of a father decided he didn't want to deal with the responsibilities of fatherhood anymore and has basically abandoned her. This was about 6 weeks ago and now she keeps asking to see her daddy and I can't tell her the truth, I just keep saying that he's busy in work.

    About 2 weeks after this happened, my brother was arrested and we discovered he is, in fact, addicted to hardcore drugs. And has no intention of stopping, from the looks of it. I feel so angry that he is putting our parents through this, and they are all fawning over him trying to talk sense to him, while berating me for taking a harder approach. Thus somehow making me the bad guy in all this.

    To add to this, a few weeks before all this kicked off I met a guy that I started seeing. We both agreed that we wanted to take things slowly, and he is lovely and I could see us becoming something more in time, were it not for how I am at the minute. I see him very little because we work opposite times, and I refuse to even risk him meeting my daughter. Also, I have become really needy, which is unlike me and I'm not used to it at all. I keep it from him so that's not an issue, but it really bothers me that I feel this way as I am very independent. I'm sure it's something to do with me reacting to everything else going on and I need to snap out of it. I could end this relationship because of how my head is, but I'm very reluctant to give up one of the few positive things I have going because of all the negative stuff.

    Life wasn't perfect before all this, I'm unhappy in my job and money is extremely tight. But now it's at the stage that I'm unable to focus on anything for more than a few minutes at a time and it's really affecting me.

    So if any of you could have some advice on how to sort my head out, prepare me for dealing with the fallout of my ex and brother/family, and sort out this needy side to me, that would be a huge help.

    Thanks for reading


Comments

  • #2
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,095 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    you've a lot on your plate at the moment.
    tbh i'd let the boyfriend slide for the present.
    your daughter needs you. i don't know if you can keep telling her that daddy is at work. i rea;ise she's only 6 and no way in hell would i want to tell a 6 yo that their dad has basically bailed.
    but there are other ways to tell her that he might not be in her life for the time being, and hopefully he'll get sense and see where his responsibilities lie eventually.

    when things cool a little, maybe you could have a talk with him.

    do your parents know the full story of your daughter's dad and his behaviour? if they don't they might be seeing you as the 'bad guy' for that reason.
    your brother is an adult (i presume) and when he's willing, with help in time will kick his habit. your parents are probably shocked by this revelation. may just think they can 'fix' it.

    sorry for the litany. hope some of it helps.
    take care.


  • #3
    Shrap
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Shrap


    LosingIt wrote: »
    To add to this, a few weeks before all this kicked off I met a guy that I started seeing. We both agreed that we wanted to take things slowly, and he is lovely and I could see us becoming something more in time, were it not for how I am at the minute. I see him very little because we work opposite times, and I refuse to even risk him meeting my daughter. Also, I have become really needy, which is unlike me and I'm not used to it at all. I keep it from him so that's not an issue, but it really bothers me that I feel this way as I am very independent. I'm sure it's something to do with me reacting to everything else going on and I need to snap out of it. I could end this relationship because of how my head is, but I'm very reluctant to give up one of the few positive things I have going because of all the negative stuff.

    Can I ask what have you got to lose that you explain this to the new man in your life? If he's someone who could be frightened off by the FACT that you are having a really hard time at the moment, then fine - you'll walk away too. However, if he's prepared to get to know you better, baggage and all, why not give him a chance to help you through this? You DO have needs. Why wouldn't you? You're in a horrible position right now. At least tell him you're not on form, and why...

    Re your little girl, I would look for advice on breaking the news tbh, and I'd talk to your parents about how you're having a hard time. I don't know where would be the best place to get advice, but just checking out single parent support on-line brought up this group who have a help line http://www.onefamily.ie/how-we-can-help-you/ Maybe they'll have somebody to talk to about how to approach this?


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