Finally got work, but still feel unsatisfied and numb.

lemonhead315

Hi, I was unemployed for a good while after finishing a degree. However, I recently got work in my studied field and have moved to Dublin.

When I was studying and for the year after that I was living in a rural part of Ireland. I got on reasonably well while in college despite being young and living in the country on my own as I was kept busy with assignments etc.

I have always had a tendency to get a bit down now and again anyway, but it has been quite bad recently. In a way it's not that I'm down or depressed as such, just numb. No real feeling about anything. I thought that getting a job would make me happy, but in a way I am more miserable than ever. I thought this would fill the gap in me, but it hasn't.

I had an intense infatuation with a guy (unavailable guy) for years. I think the bit of flirting and chat that we had has finally stopped and it has left me feeling depleted. I don't know if I even believe in romantic love anymore.

I like and have a lovely friendship with another man from where I used to live, but he doesn't want anything more than a friendship. We have fooled around a couple of times after a parties and nights drinking, but he never wants anything more and we just go back to being friends once the awkwardness has gone. He cares for me, but will only go so far and he has always been up front about that from the beginning.

I don't really have any interest in marraige, children or even travel at the moment. I thought the job would fill some gap in me, but it hasn't. It's not that I don't like the job. I really do. But I am just not happy in general.

I feel numb. No interest in meeting someone. No interest in going anywhere. I miss the country a bit, but there is nothing for me there. Really great people, but a good bit older than me and they think I should be out living my life like they did when they were young.

I am female, aged 30 by the way.

I don't know what am looking for here. Advice? Suggestions?

2012paddy2012

lemonhead315 wrote: »

<mod snip - no need to quote the whole post>

Give the job a chance. Might take a while to get energised again - you will better soon being around people. Take any opportunity that arises to tag along with colleagues etc ... Walk gym beer etc.
Be kind to yourself you are well able to articulate how you feel- -and sound like an interesting person to chat with.
Everyone feels a bit blue now and again. Try focus on future past is gone .
Take each day as it comes for now.
You will feel happier soon

Stavro Mueller

Congratulations on the job. Maybe it's not helping you in the way you hoped it would but still it's a start. Don't underestimate how much being unemployed can get in on you. It has probably affected you more deeply than you realise.

Perhaps part of why you're feeling so down is that you've "broken up" with two men you cared about. It doesn't matter that nothing as such was happening with them. You had feelings for them and in some way they filled the "boyfriend" gap in your life.

What's your social life like in Dublin? Have you made any friends? Perhaps your priority for now should be to build up a social circle for yourself and get out of the house. If you've got a tendency to get a bit down, the worst thing to be doing is sitting at home alone with your thoughts. You've still got plenty of time to meet someone. Far more important for now is you learning to like yourself again.

Lalealea

I think you are looking for the search for more. :-) It's a beautiful journey. Maybe some would call it spiritual or magical. I dunno. Maybe you need to change your atmosphere. Phrase it in a language that makes sense to you.

If the blues get worse then please contact someone.

R.D. aka MR.D

It sounds like there has been a lot of change in your life recently and that can always be difficult.

Would you consider a bit of counselling? I hope this isn't too blunt but it sounds like you let these two guys use you for attention etc. Especially, your 'friend', he sounds like a pig. If he knows you have feelings for him and continues to string you along and allow himself to fool around with you.
Maybe you need to work on your self-esteem a little bit.

I think finding a hobby is a really good way to build confidence. You could make a commitment that in the next year you will try at least one new activity a month. That way you can try lots of different things and maybe find something that you like.

You say that you have no interest. I know exactly how you feel but sometimes even when you force yourself to do something like go out for one drink after work or for a long walk, you actually enjoy it and it can lift your mood.

Merkin

I think you should probably go first and foremost to see a GP to rule out depression. I'm not making a diagnosis but feelings of numbness and especially being so meh about everything can be indicative of a number of depressive conditions so maybe see a medical professional and have a chat first. It would be a good start.

Taltos

Mod Note:

Hi 2012paddy2012

I have snipped your quote of the first post. While quoting is useful especially if you want to focus in on a point or two, quoting the whole post especially soon after it is posted just makes life difficult for our mobile users.

Thanks
Taltos

Buona Fortuna

Hi Lemonhead, some good advice above. I'm not sure how long you've had the job. All I'd say is give it time. Go easy on yourself.

Would it be possible to get out into the country to visit?

I'm always concious of the incredible amount of choice we all have now. I think that sometimes we have too much. Listening to a piece on radio the other day about 1840s Ireland.

As the eldest son, it was wait for parents to die. Inherit land and take a young wife. As the younger son the choice was join the priesthood if you were clever, or the army if you weren't. If you didn't fancy any of those choices, you could stay and work the farm but you couldn't get married ever.

For a girl the choices were even starker - marry an old farmer, or the nunnery.


Just give yourself a bit of a pass OP. New job, see where it goes. A lot to see and do in Dublin.

Rubberchikken

If you're only in the job s little while, and congratulations btw, then take it slow.
Older people always imagine the young are out there living crazy lives.

Accept any invite for a drink meal etc.

What about a night class or something you're interested in?

Your 'friends' are not really nice tbh.
Stringing someone along and then expecting them to be happy with it isn't the work if a good friend.

Concentrate on getting yourself toa good place. Get some ccounselling if this feeling continues.
Take care

lemonhead315

Hi thank you all for the warm advice. I think that speaking to a counsellor might be the way to deal with this.

Yes I can still visit the country and will be going up and down for the next while, but I need to break from it for a while as well, so I can move forward and not dwell on this for too much longer.

I guess it is hard to explain without going on a long spiel, but I don't think I should put any blame on the two people I mentioned. I knew how they felt and they only knew a portion of how I felt and how this was affecting me. People will assume that you're just out for a bit of fun too. I have girlfriends who will not settle for anything less than a romantic relationship and the way they have achieved that is by not casually 'fooling around' or pining after unavailable men.

The numbness is the scariest part of this. It's not a very nice feeling, or un-feeling, as the case may be. This morning, I cried, which was good as at least I was actually getting some emotion out.

Again, thanks for the advice and suggestions.