very unhappy with my life

LegacyUser

I am a 36 year old overweight man thats very unhappy with life, its not one thing thats the issue , its a mutiple of things

1.Being overweight

Not the biggest issue for me, its a major reason i have such low self estem but I have the knowledge and skills to lose weight

2. My job

I basically hate my job , i do really long hours and whilst I make good money the reason for this is that i work long hours and shift work, it just a job for me and will never be a career, I have considered a career change but with a salary of almost 60k I cant really give that up

3.being a boring person

This is what really gets me down, I have no interests real hobbies interests or past-times except for watching soccer, watching movies and drinking at home alone, I also spend a lot of time of the internet. I was out in Dublin on Friday night and I didn't enjoy it at all, as a single man I didn't have the confidence to strike up a conversation with any of the beautiful girls I saw out that night as well for fear of getting the brush off, its not the approach that puts me off but what I'm going to speak about , I just have nothing to say.

Basically what I am looking for help in is how to become a more rounded individual, a person of substance and with a passion and interests

MightyMandarin

miserable19oct14 wrote: »

I am a 36 year old overweight man thats very unhappy with life, its not one thing thats the issue , its a mutiple of things

1.Being overweight

Not the biggest issue for me, its a major reason i have such low self estem but I have the knowledge and skills to lose weight

2. My job

I basically hate my job , i do really long hours and whilst I make good money the reason for this is that i work long hours and shift work, it just a job for me and will never be a career, I have considered a career change but with a salary of almost 60k I cant really give that up

3.being a boring person

This is what really gets me down, I have no interests real hobbies interests or past-times except for watching soccer, watching movies and drinking at home alone, I also spend a lot of time of the internet. I was out in Dublin on Friday night and I didn't enjoy it at all, as a single man I didn't have the confidence to strike up a conversation with any of the beautiful girls I saw out that night as well for fear of getting the brush off, its not the approach that puts me off but what I'm going to speak about , I just have nothing to say.

Basically what I am looking for help in is how to become a more rounded individual, a person of substance and with a passion and interests

First things first, if being overweight bothers you, or lowers your self esteem, then do something about it. I've seen dozens of people become more confident just by improving their body image. If you manage to find a sport/activity which you enjoy, this will help you to lose weight, and will also help you become more interesting.

If you absolutely hate your job, then I'd quit. You only have a number of years on this planet, what's the point spending them in a job you hate. Before you decide to quit, I'd assess what is the root cause of your dislike. Is it your co-workers? your boss? lack of promotions? location? these things could be changed without quitting, for example, transferring to somewhere else.

The only way you'll become 'more interesting' is doing something you like. Is there any particular activity which has crossed your mind that you might like doing? You said you like to watch football, maybe you could make a 5 a side team with a few friends or something like that. Only pick an activity which you like doing, and most importantly, makes you happier.

Rubberchikken

Set about losing the weight.
If you can do it with a combination of exercise and diet, great and some gym vusits woukd keep the momentum going.

Once you start doing that, i think you'll start to feel better mentally and physically and it will have a knock-on effect on ypur self esteem.

Re your job. Think hard about what you would actually like to work at.

Did you have hobbies or interests as a kid? If you did, is it something you could pursue today? Volunteering is a great way to get out of yourself, and help your community.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

1. Out of the three problems this one is the easiest to resolve - with some determination and focus from yourself.
Join a gym and get some initial sessions with the resident personal trainer in order to get things moving. Then move on to joining some of the classes. At the classes you'll notice huge improvements in your fitness, silouhoutte and as a result your confidence. You will also get opportunities to chat to people beofre and after the class.
Losing weight is a big thing in the fitness industry and many of them have courses over 3 months or similar to change peoples body.

2. Are you sure the job is the problem and not depression/frustration as a result of issues1 & 3? As you say yourself it is a well paid job. In the current economic climate I would not advise you to drop your job to go off chasing dreams. Especially when improvements can be made in other areas of your life firstly. That is some good money and I'd hesitate to tell someone to give it up in the current climate, but then it is easy to tell people to follow their dreams from the other end of a keyboard.
Maybe in time you can change career, but I'd concentrate on 1 & 3 firstly. If you take on too much you'll fail. Baby steps...

3. Have you considered martial arts classes? They get you out, interaction, fitness and a good subject to ocnverse with. Belt progression, reasons for doing it, possibly competition. Cinema groups - go watch a movie and then chat/discuss it afterwards. Football - lose some weight with the gym classes and then look out some 5-aside social team. Squash/badminton can be a great sport too. Foreign language course and then go off for a short break on your own (or with friends). Volunteering (as mentioned) - get something public facing - don't be the computer guy out the back...

HelgaWard

I just wanted to suggest you give Slimming World a try. Lots of men go to these classes and lots of women too ;-) . It is a great way to loose weight, it just teaches you to eat good proper wholesome food, you can eat loads but still loose weight. They are generally very sociable classes and you will meet new people and friends by joining one, while dealing with your weight issue. Win, win!

LegacyUser

Sorting out your weight will really in help you in all aspects.

You have to really make an effort not to go on a diet, but permanently change your entire lifestyle. Instead of just watching football, movies and drinking alone you need to get yourself to a gym. Start easy by walking on the treadmill everyday, work your way up to 5k.

This will sort out your weight, your hobbies issue and give you the confidence to talk to women.

For the job I would say keep it, 60k is a lot of money to turn down.