Feeling Trapped

LegacyUser

The story is I moved back into the family home a few years ago and I was only going to stay a short while as I sorted out a new place. Not long after my mother suddenly passed away so it was just me and my father living there. I didn't feel like leaving him alone so I've been there since and its getting to the stage where im starting to get pissed off about it but I feel I cant leave him alone.
My brothers and sisters all have there own lives and they are not around much. He doesn't really have any friends because he doesn't get on with people that well. He always falls out with people over stupid things. I come home from a good day at work and hes there being miserable so then im miserable. I then sit down looking at crap TV all half the night and hes like a sad puppy if I go do something else. Its starting to do my head in. I can never come home and just go do what I want. If I do I feel guilty.
Im almost 30 and im single. I want to have my own place again. I cant bring anyone home so its just me and him in this house all the time. If I go out he wants to know where im going so he can come.
What can I do here? I know everyone will tell me to move out but its not that easy for me to do. It breaks my heart at the thoughts of him at home in this big house on his own but its doing my head living here. Sometimes I think maybe he would sort himself and get on with his life if he didnt have me to rely on.

Buona Fortuna

Hummmmmmmmmm

You know what I'm going to say

Just as a point of info, how old is your Dad?

Are you rural, town or city?

I think you need to talk to your siblings. They may well have their own lives but they need to be given the choice. There is a "family problem" do they want to get involved and help or not?

Around here theres an Active Retirement "club" for want of a better word. They go on coach trips and ... Could you get him involved there?

Could you get a place within easy distance of your Dad?

Sorry more questions than answers

Big Bag of Chips

I know it's not as easy as people say to just move out. So rather than jumping straight to moving out why not start building a new life for your dad. Find local things that people his age are involved in and sign him up! Don't worry about him not getting on with people. I know loads of cranky old people, and they seem to all enjoy being cranky together!! And anyway, your Dad's crankiness or how he gets on with others is not your responsibility. He seems interested in going out places with you, so just try set up a few things where he can go out without you.

There are things you can start to do to change your set up at the moment rather than moving out. But you'll have to go out and find those things. Good luck. You're too young to be stuck minding a parent who probably doesn't really need minding.

Rubberchikken

I not going to say move out either.
It has to be very difficult toake a decision like that and you're not ready.
But your dad needs to find out what he's interested in that will help fill his day.

What age is he? Is he in good health?
Charities and places are crying out for volunteers. Is there a day care centre nearby? If he's interested in attending one, but finds it difficult to get there, they may have a bus collection for people attending.

Good luck

JuliusCaesar

I'm going to say the opposite. Can you move out and live nearby? It may be that your father needs the impetus to get himself started in living a life of his own.

Have you spoken with him about it? The two of you might be putting up with each other, thinking if only the other person would do something...